Wednesday, March 13, 2024

Farewell Sister

Processing grief leaves you hollow and full.

It took me more than 48hours to process let alone accept something that's unreal in all versions of reality.

Many versions many stories later, a constant replay of many memories later, crazy scrolling through insta handle later, it is still unreal. Like a nightmare which would be over. 

Words are failing me. Acceptance has not set in. Have never known about a fitting farewell.

Rest in Power and abundance of Peace, Pooja!

May you never be sad again.




Monday, February 26, 2024

Another Anxious Night

Parents ageing is complicated and sad beyond words. To look at the hands that held you tight; struggle to bend and fold and speed up! To look at the voice that always comforted you; get worried at situations that seemed like nothing few years ago. And ofcourse there are surprise "shorir kharaps" with no definition or explanation except for 'boyesh'. 

Long story short, whole heartedly, absolutely begging request to Gods for absolutely no stress, drama, anxiety, tomorrow or anytime soon please! Pretty please!


Wednesday, February 14, 2024

Anxtipated. Ranting, My Old Friend.

Ever wondered if a person with anxiety matching the intensity of a tough constipation would be called Anxtipated?

I could compete for the Anxipated Queen title tonight. Absolutely not being a thankless prick for being able to be in Calcutta for Saraswati Pujo this year again, but then again, shouldn't this be a basic pratice and not another day of endless gratitude of how 'lucky' I got this year!?

I see people half as serious, half as dedicated and if I may say, without sounding like the intellectual snob that I am, half as intellectual or intelligent or sensitive of interesting, happily living the life I dreamt. Sipping bhar er cha, eating bhaja Maggi and calling it a day with Silk Cut around Unitech, earning just as much and also not paying 30k per month for a flat with Kaveri water shortage making making morning news. The crap that SRK and Paulo Coelho spoke and wrote about universe conspiring is so rigged. The winner takes it all, ABBA spoke for all of us!

Saraswati Pujo should be about worrying which Saari to wear and not which Saari to pack since it's almost time to back again.

Anxtipated! Didn't I tell you.

Can you believe it that up until a few years ago dressing up in White, Red or Pink would make me excited and happy on this day, Valentine's Y'all! Look what I've made myself into. Yikes.



Saturday, January 20, 2024

Saturday, January 6, 2024

Tuesday, January 2, 2024

Mandate: 2024 - Please Be The Best

 1. What did you do in 2023 that you’ve never done before?

Drove Maa
Published a book
Saw the Northern Lights
Blew up security alarm in Germany (that is more of S, but still counts :D )

Visited Red Light District

Got DTM pin


2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year?
Not kept, not keeping


3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
So many babies happening my God! Kuhu was such a treat to be with though!


4. Did anyone close to you die?
Pishu

 

5. What countries did you visit?
Norway
Netherlands (Germany and Kuwait, with transits)
In the country: Delhi, Rampur, Calcutta, Mangalore, Udipi, Calcutta, Karwar, Goa, Badami, Calcutta, Puri, Calcutta, Chandigarh, Lucknow, Calcutta


6. What would you like to have in 2024 that you lacked in 2023?
Promotion


7. What date from 2023 will remain etched upon your memory?
Buying a car
Obhimaan being up on Amazon and Flipkart
Watching the lights


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Bidesh bina onsite!
Starting MBA!
Obhimaan


9. What was your biggest failure?
Not doing anything significantly great work-wise


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Weeklong Fever! Back in my life after a very long time.
Note to self: Add more machh to meals

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Air Fryer for home
Iphone for S

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Boss


14. Where did most of your money go?
Travel (and happily so!): No change to this touchwood


15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Car
Tromso
PUJOOOOO



16. What song/album will always remind you of 2023?
O Mahi O Mahi 


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
1. Happier or sadder? Same
2. Thinner or fatter? Fatter
3. Richer or poorer? Same


18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Certifications/Switch


19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Sleeping! Mindless endless non productive sleeping.


20. How did you spend Christmas?
Wrote letters to Santa
Woke up feverish
Went to Friends Cafe for Steak and Beer
Could not have the food or beer
Fought with S
Called it a night with Antibiotics


21. Who did you spend most of the time on the phone with?
Maaaaaaaaa! <3


22. Did you fall in love in 2023?
No


23. How many one night stands in this last year?
None.


24. What was your favorite Tv programme?
A million vlogs on the Arctics


25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No.


26. What was the best book(s) you read?
Obhimaan
Amrita-Imroz
Humayun Ahmed (Finally visited Boi Mela after many years and bought a Humayun Ahmed! Should do more of it)


27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Just Breathe

28. What did you want and get?
Northern Lights
Book with my name on it


29. What did you want and did not get?
Better job


30. What were your favorite films?
12th Fail ! OMG!


31. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
30 till 40 :)
Went home
S came along
Went to Puri with everyone!
Sea, Sand, Family, Anxiety, Fear, Wanting to cease everything that very day till forever
Best :')


32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Staying in Calcutta 


33. What would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2022?
Accepting size L and buying size L


34. What kept you sane?
Nothing! The year had a lot of anxiety issues.


35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Virat Kohli!


36. What political issue stirred you the most?
None


37. Who did you miss?
Home


38. Who was the best new person you met?
Noone


39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2023?
Cherish the good rather than worrying about the temporary in good! (That is the lesson, not the learning from the lesson)


40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to meSpeaking words of wisdom, let it be

Tuesday, December 26, 2023

Kindness and Love

 For the longest time I genuinely believed that love and kindness are the same thing. Exact same thing. That probably came because of the years of selfless abundant love by Maa. K calls her gullible but I know that behind every half hearted 'yes' that she had ever said, it was only kindness, love! You cannot really love someone and yet be unkind to them, my wholehearted single belief!

Ofcourse there's an entire crazy Kabir Singh/Animal army proving otherwise but coming from a family where we were never 'punished', never put inside dark bathrooms, never told stories of the bad guy coming to kidnap us; unkind love is really hard to accept!

They say it's still love when your tears don't make them cry

They say it's still love even when they don't go looking out for you

They say it's still love even without Frog Prince sorry notes

So be it! 

Love and kindness are different things after all; but give a choice which one would you want to keep?

Think.

Me? I'd just keep SRK romance and thank Bollywood for the dreamscape



Wednesday, November 29, 2023

Monday, November 27, 2023

The Voyage

We set out on a voyage today. Something I have dreamt of since 2014. Something we have saved up for, since the last 2 years. 

Exams, hurdles and hiccups later, the voyage is about to begin! I would have really liked Cohen sing 'and you want to travel with her' tonight!

Not jinxing with the where, how and what! There's just too much hotchpotch already. Just manifesting that there is a story of fulfilled dreams at the end of it!

Amen!



Friday, November 24, 2023

MBA: Semester 1: Prayer for a Miraculous Pass

Remembering Chetan Bhagat today and truly promising that if we get through this Sem, we won't be begging the Exam Gods for pure mercy next Sem!

Folks feeling too over confident and picking up new degree almost a decade after the last one, Buro Boyeshe porashona khub kothin!

Here's to the start of Semester 1 from tomorrow!
Whole heartedly hoping there would be a Semester 2 to worry about in next 6 months.
Exam Gods be kind! Pretty please :(





Tuesday, November 21, 2023

2 Years of Playing Homies

On all days, there's a lot of hardwork
On most days, there's a lot of gratitude
On many days, there's a lot of anger
Today, only overwhelming emotions 

2 years of sailing through this wee thing of social marriage that I fancied so much as a child and then got scared of. Lost two serious (atleast that's what I thought) relationships on the way, one teaching me how extra I can get, the other teaching me how little I can get! One shattering my confidence to pieces and the other, making me stronger than ever! So much so that I lost faith in the institution. And then S came with his overwhelming optimism which irritated my Dukkhobilash to the core. Still does, every day! But it always gets better. Always thankful to the stars for this one person who always turns back despite the million melt downs! Touching wood and getting anxious daily for getting to live a life with S who braves a storm, all day, every day.

Happy Anniversary, best boy!

What would I ever do without those hand massages 



Wednesday, October 11, 2023

Pain

 I feel pain

Pain in every transaction of oxygen through my body

Pain in every inch of my heart

Pain I cannot explain, cannot comprehend, Cannot understand or document or reflect or express 

There is an overwhelming pricking of a thousand pins at the palm of my hand and feet and toes and lips and brows and thumb and neck and heart

The heart, it's tearing apart and I cannot explain how much;

Or how, why, since when, till when?!

All I know is I feel pain

And it's getting unbearable


- Abhishikta


Tuesday, October 10, 2023

Wednesday, October 4, 2023

Luck? Anyone? Universe? Please?

Funny how all the prayers and superstitions find their way only throught the dark.

Did life humble you down recently?

Here's looking out for miracles, Universe?



Monday, September 4, 2023

Kanyadaan

Always celebrate people who impart progressive thoughts, rational actions in you! 


Anyone who knows me, knows, that I have always loved weddings and obviously every second of my wedding was my dream, including the "Kanyadaan" where the photos look so lovely, girl-boy-hand-in-hand. 


That was until I saw A's wedding where there was no daan of anyone because come on! You are not a thing to be given off. It took me 30 years to understand this!

I would forever be grateful to A for showing me the misogyny in this ritual.


So, was I able to have an absolutely zero sexist ritual covered wedding? No! But I tried.


Needless to say, my wedding had no Kanyadaan. 

Neither did it have Lojja Bostro. 

What Lojja?

The communist Baba, the super loving Maa and forever supportive S stood rock solid when Thakurmoshai and the rest of the world objected. 


Watching Rocky and Rani, reminded me of this Kanyadaan cancellation. So nice to see things are changing. One eye opening at a time


P.S. Ofcourse you may not agree. I know people who actually take pride in touching their spouse's feet. I've even heard an almost heart touching explanation on it once. Great! As long as you don't preach it, peace (as the great O rightly says)




Monday, August 7, 2023

Talking to Self

While in school, two quotes always had me thinking


1. Distance makes the heart go fonder

2. Out of sight out of mind


Funny how the same cause can have two completely different effects on two usecase sets





Wednesday, August 2, 2023

গম গম, গম গম






আজ সারাদিন বৃষ্টি হল
ঝম ঝম, ঝম ঝম
নির্ভেজাল, এক নাগার জলের প্লাবন
নির্ভেজাল, একনাগারে স্মৃতি রোমন্থন
আজ সারাদিন বৃষ্টি হল
ঝম ঝম, ঝম ঝম


গলির পাশে দালান বাড়ি
আছে কি সেই এক ই রকম
হলুদ দেয়াল কালো দরজা
ভালো বেশি বাসা কম


বইয়ের তাক, এ সি'র তার
নতুন ভাবনা পুরোনো ফোন
বাস এর টিকিট, সাউথ সিটি
আশাবাদী মনের কোন


মিথ্যে স্বপ্ন
বোঝাতে ভুল
ভালোবাসার
উচিত মাশুল 


কাল সারাদিন মেঘ করবে
গম গম, গম গম
নির্ভেজাল, এক নাগার জলের প্লাবন
নির্ভেজাল, একনাগারে স্মৃতি রোমন্থন
কাল সারাদিন মেঘ করবে
গম গম, গম গম


- অভিষিক্তা







Monday, July 31, 2023

Noise In My Head

Probably it is the beauty of Calcutta that makes Dukkhobilash your favorite night routine!

I've been sleepless for almost 2 weeks now, felt restless, anxious and spent hours thinking of random things like how much space would be free-ed up if the book shelf is moved from left to right (yes!).

I've visited old memory corners of my mind and heart, tried to explicitly visit only the happy lanes and avoided the sad ones (both literally and figuratively). The subtle office pressure is also not helping.

Add the rush of Obhimaan that Calcutta brings in my heart! Whys and Why Nots and Why Me-s, ghosts of pasts, personality traits that I should have changed, words that I should have said better, people I should not have met, souls I should not have assumed mates. Whirlwind of thoughts, night after night! And then there are happy sappy people, happy sappy lives, happy sappy photos!!! 

Baadh Shedho Na Bondhu!!!!

Tobe Tai Hok :)




Monday, July 17, 2023

Repeat





A storm inside
A struggling Yacht.
The sails tearing,
The sailor wearing,
Don't call for help!
Must not abort.

            A hurricane outside,
            A struggling Jeep,
            You're heavy!
            You're demanding!
            Figure your own rescue!
            Must, now, leap

So bring out the smile,
Tears are for the closed doors to keep;
No one understands,
Do not talk so deep.

            Shout, write, hide,
            Repeat.
            Shout, write, hide,
            Repeat

- Abhishikta


Wednesday, June 28, 2023

PDDivD: Mostly Jargons, Non TMs, Must Skip

 I have never been a fan of numbers, but today, this, almost feels like magic! 🥹


Many years down the line when I would finally forget how to read the dashboard, this post would remind me that today was the day when I stopped checking the dashboard, every alternate hour.


A very grateful President's Distinguished Division Director today, just 3 days before the finish line because I bleed Bollywood and 

Har kar jeetne walo ko...

Ofcourse you know 🥹❤️




Tuesday, June 13, 2023

Sleeper Train on a Cool Tuesday

 Rolling eyes the moment I say sleeper!

The husband will blame the heat in summers, the chill in winters, the rains and monsoon, the pillows that are not given, the food that isn't good, the washrooms that aren't clean and many many actual logical correct reasons to not choose sleeper anymore if you have a choice!


And then, there are such 10-12 hours overnight trips from Bangalore in June where it's never summer, never winter and AC tickets are never available at the last minute; in short, the right choice as opposed to KSRTC (which again, I'm a fan of, but Indian Railways over Karnataka transport, okay).


This live blog, this day to remind myself of the feeling of this gush of strong wind brushing through my fringes which I didn't know existed up until now. To remind myself of this feeling of random sweet South Indian Aunty forcing us to eat their Idli despite the fact that I didn't switch my side upper with her daughter's seat (yes, okay, whatever). To remember the feeling of buying 'fu diye folano baalish' after forever and the random Lungi clad uncle totally judging and laughing at us with absolutely no awkwardness since we didn't bargain at 100 for a pillow. Indian Railways have been back big time in my life post marriage, not complaining and actively touching wood for the travel frequency, and also because S is a huge fan of trains.


I'm so happy at Sleepers not disappointing me this time. Return journey ofcourse, as S wanted with fancy windows with blue curtains, but this one's mine! 


Say Hello to searching through wallets to find khuchro taka for Kannada Jhal muri and Bangla Band on stringed headphones (I'm sure you aren't surprised that I still use these antiques, daily)

Hello Karwar in 8hours!!!




Tuesday, April 4, 2023

Pabbas!


We're a bunch of privledged kids-turned-midaged who mostly eat well (touched wood frantically). Our celebrations and grieves are marked with eating and drinking, often without any sort of demarcation between them, all four! 


However, Mangalore deserves a special mention today.


I remember coming to Mangalore back in 2015 where Pdi hosted us in full swing. I was in my own crazy IceCream fast that year and not healing from a certain breakup denial; so that entire experience at Pabbas had me keeping a straight face while N, R and Pdi insisted that I try this and that, atleast that, I denied. 


Today afternoon I visited Pabbas again after 8 years, and ate till I could not eat anymore. Visited that one place that had absolutely made me cry. Changed the narrative!? 

Looking back, it was a very stupid narrative in the first place, but then, we're all stupid and naive.


Here's to Mangalore

Here's to Ghee Roast

Here's to Icecream

🧿


Monday, March 20, 2023

Those We Love Never Go Anywhere ?

8 years ago I left Kolkata, with a heartbreak that will probably take this entire lifetime to heal, with a zeal to comeback as soon as I can which has never happened, with Maa to make sure I settle just fine before she heads home.

Cannot really say the years have been super bad, the nights have been high, the days have been sunny, Bangalore dramatic sky dance has filled  my heart, the Spring Cherry blossoms have adorned my phone gallery. The feeling of growing up, taking at least 6 flights to Kolkata a year, looking forward to and getting anxious before every Durga Pujo leaves; have not been as bad I had made it sound but the perpetual homesickness has never really left me. Come marriage, the homesickness have only become worse now with Bangalore home also slowly taking up a huge space in my heart and now, ‘choosing’ people AT places, it is always a tear and tear show every month, every flight. That is story for some other day but I always had the peace of the sister holding the home ground strong, albeit with her set of mood swings and GenZ complications, but, with a knowledge that she is there, while I chill and whine.


Today Kutu leaves for Chennai, and the somewhere, soon, or maybe not. Leaves home nonetheless and for good. I feel the same lost and sad and worried. The mother is again going to make sure that K settles just fine before she heads home, only this time, she will head home with a limp, extra medications and to an emptier Kolkata house.










Friday, March 17, 2023

প্রথম বৃষ্টি

মনে পরে ছোটোবেলায় বৃষ্টি গুনতাম, আজ প্রথম, আজ দ্বিতীয়, আজ তৃতীয়, আজ ঊনপঞ্চাশ |
মনে পরে গরমের ছুটি তে কোথাও ঘুরতে গেলে প্রিয় বন্ধু কে বৃষ্টি গুনে রাখার দায়িত্ব দিয়ে যেতাম |

আজ বছরের প্রথম বৃষ্টি হলো বেঙ্গালুরু তে' শুনতে পেলাম কলকাতায় ও বৃষ্টি বৃষ্টি ভাব, কালবৈশাখী, পরীক্ষা পরীক্ষা গন্ধ |

আজ আর বৃষ্টি গোনা লজিকাল না| আজ আর বৃষ্টি গোনার সময়, ইচ্ছে, আর ও আই  কোনোটাই নেই | একটা প্রাচীন অভ্যেস এর মতো মনে পরল বৃষ্টি গোনা আজ | একটু পরে থেমে যাবে, তারপর নেটফ্লিক্স হবে, জোর আওয়াজে ইংরিজি গান হবে, কালকের প্ল্যানিং হবে| একটু পরে, এখন শুধু বৃষ্টি |

আজ, প্রথম বৃষ্টি
আজ ই শেষ 



Tuesday, February 28, 2023

Neel Rong Chhilo Bhishon Priyo

Just the other day

You had your sky blue crayon phase.


Paint, was all you did

Paint, was all that made sense.

The many afternoon shine

Even more night time glaze

The many sea shores

Even more snow flakes


Just the other day

You had your sky blue crayon phase.

 

-Abhishikta






Tuesday, February 14, 2023

Dear Diary

Very recently Oreo introduced me to 'Tumhari Amrita' and as Toastmasters, we are shamelessly inspired by everything beautiful.
Hence, there is our flawed attempt at flawed love. With Love! Happy Adult Valentines' you :)




Dear Diary,

College starts tomorrow. I hope my decision to stay back in India for Undergrad, going against Dad’s wish was right.


Dear Diary,
What is wrong with the world? I saw a fresh batch of 1st years come to the college today. Everyone thinks about the US, everyone wants to earn money. Noone thinks about art or literature, or politics of this country. Am I born too late in time?


Dear Diary,

College is going great! I met a group of techno grads working for Robotic Modelling.
Our Seminar was hugely disturbed today by a group of Art Students shouting at the top of their voices, protesting against some political dysfunctionality. I hope they let us work in peace tomorrow.


Dear Diary,

I have decided to lead the political group of University, these people are directionless and naive. It deeply hurts my soul that other departments are not even bothered about the initiatives.


Dear Diary,

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I will make friends with Ankur. He leads the Communist group of the University, the typical 'arty' type. Takes immense pride about his unkempt beard, baggy kurta, perennially borrowed cigarettes. He speaks of communism, ideologies and literature. No dreams, no ambition, just a blurry vision of tomorrow. But this blurry vision makes me want to believe him. He moves around the campus with a note of ten rupees inside his worn out wallet. 


Dear Diary,

Is it allowed for the 3rd world to fall in love with the 1st? I look at the Kohl in Amrita’s eyes and instantly want to keep looking at it till the end of time. She is smart and funny. In my black and white world of constant fight between right and wrong, she is my sunshine. I am scared of what lies ahead.


Dear Diary,

My dad caught me staring at Ankur’s photo today. I could not dare tell him that he is not from the same department. Why did I lie? 


Dear Diary,

It’s been a week that I have not seen Amrita around. Did she miss her classes or was I too busy in my own world that I missed seeing her? Is she ignoring me or the walls of my existence are too tough to cross? Will I see her again?


Dear Diary,

Ankur read a poem to me today from his brown Diary.
I was lost in his voice, his eyes. There was a certain sadness in the way he spoke. 


Dear Diary,

I got a full scholarship for pursuing a PHD in Stockholm. Who would have thought that someone following and pursuing Indian politics so passionately would also be acknowledged outside? But I am in two minds. I have no intent  to go abroad leaving so much behind but how would I compensate for the status Amrita deserves, her family expects? She has been raised as a princess, the lady who deserves nothing less than a diamond, how would she ever cope with the dark in me?


Dear Diary,

Today was the most magical birthday of my life. While everyone surrounded me with gifts, gold and diamonds, Ankur took me to one corner of the room, with a finger, he took one drop of water from a glass and placed that drop on my ring finger! This has been the most memorable gesture that anyone has ever done for me. I love him!


Dear Diary,

I love Amrita. Today, on her birthday, she looked like magic. While she was laden with gifts all around, I had nothing but myself to offer. Even then, her eyes danced and smile brightened the entire room. Should I really go to Stockholm to provide the life that Amrita deserves? But then, what happens to so many lives I have been leading? Is love enough to over power all other human emotions?


Dear Diary,

While I was discussing how my Dad can easily sponsor for my masters in Stockholm while Ankur does his PHD, he looked quite absent. Here I am already making plans for a future together but he seems to be lost. 


Dear Diary,

I thought about it a lot. I cannot leave India. I expect Amrita to understand, she can do her masters from India too, there are so many good universities. Even if she wishes to go to Stockholm, I can wait for 2 years till she is back. I am rejecting the scholarship offer. I hope Amrita will understand.


Dear Diary,

How can he decide to not go to Stockholm without discussing with me like I am noone to him. When he kissed me for the first time and called me his world, what did he mean then? Probably Dad was right. Ankur has no dreams, no ambition, just a blurry vision of tomorrow.


Dear Diary,

Amrita left for Stockholm today. She did not say Goodbye. She returned the Shiuli flower, the only gift that I was capable of giving her once. When I last saw her in the University campus the day after I told her I was not moving to Stockholm she did not fight, she did not smile, she just stared, stared and walked away. The same Kohl lined beautiful eyed girl, she looked like she had grown up overnight. 

Sigh


Dear Diary,

It’s been 10 years. Never spoke to you, never looked back but today something happened. Today I got promoted as the Managing Director but there was no one I could share my happiness with. I spent an entire decade working so hard that I left relationships behind. Is this the tomorrow I wanted? Have I become the person that I always accused Ankur of? No dreams, no ambition, just a blurry vision of tomorrow?


Dear Diary,

It’s been 10 years, I have become the person I always wanted to be. Teaching young students, weaving dreams. I wonder how Amrita is? She must have become a mother now, someone’s wife, someone’s reason to be happy every day. Does she still remember me? Because I do; every time the Calcutta winter wind sweeps past my Kurta I remember Amrita, every time the aroma of Shiuli fills my room full of books I remember Amrita, everytime I breathe, I remember Amrita. Hope she forgives me someday.


Dear Diary,

Do you think Ankur remembers me still? Has he forgiven me? Maybe he has not changed one bit. Or maybe he has. Maybe he has a beautiful wife to share his latest poems with, maybe a daughter, he is teaching the lessons of Feminism to. A thought crosses my mind everyday, to meet him once, to see him once, to say Goodbye, properly this time? Should I book my flight?


Dear Diary,

With the corruption that does not leave our society, at all times I feel my decision to stay back was right. The oil prices are over the roof, the unemployment does not seem to go, last heard, the midday meals of the children were misutilised. I am waiting for one day when I wake up to hear good news.


Dear Diary,

Late to tell you but I am on my flight to India.  Is it too late? Has the scars of time rusted the feelings? I love Ankur, I still do. Do you think I would get a chance to tell him in this life ever again?
The storm in my heart seems to be manifested around me. There is a strong turbulence outside. 


Dear Diary,

Again woke up to the news of a Europe to India flight getting crashed yesterday. At times I feel happy with the knowledge that Amrita is far and safe from all of this. At times I wonder how our life could have been? 


Dear Diary,

It’s been 30 years. Amrita must be 60 now. I am old too. My old age and half rimmed glasses are a testimony that one life is not enough for love. My health has started to show its colors of Winter. Winters when you are 20 are different from the winter of 60. Now, it is cold, just cold.


Dear Diary,

It’s been 40 years. Words have started to fail me. Only one feeling remains… love.
I love Amrita, I still do. Do you think I would get a chance to tell her in this life ever again?

Sigh…



- Abhishikta

Tuesday, February 7, 2023

Night Before Bangalore Flights

Are always sleepless and sad. But these days it's a choice, not office mandate. 

Aaro lafiye lafiye biye korte bolo, I told Maa, who is confident S can manage a few more days in Bangalore while I'm here.

Ofcourse he can, but then, to live in two parallel boats is not something I'm used to too. It is seeming like a choice. This or that. What what whaaaat!

Oh the dilemma.

Oh Calcutta! 

Give both of us rich jobs will you? Pretty Please.