Since I am jobless, I am going to write a detailed study. Since you are busy, you need not read this. Since you are judging me, bleh.

I have two major kinds of people flooding my facebook wall.

   1. The ones who are scared about the future job scenario

   2. The ones who are getting married

The ones who are scared about the future job scenario are again of three types

   1.1. The ones who got placed and did not get the offer letter

   1.2. The ones who got/might get placed and will not like the kind of job

   1.3. The ones who are struggling to bag the first job

Now there was a huge boom during pre and post Durga Pujo months about how people are getting placed and how they are grateful to this man and that woman for their success and all of the normal sappy status messages followed. Few months down the line people are now beginning to worry because the momentary happy feel has passed, the job security (almost) made them study NOT for the entrances to higher studies, no offer letter, let alone the joining letter has come and college is about to end. Then again there are the kinds who have been placed at companies, or the ones who know it for a fact that the kind of institutions they study in, they would bag a heavy reputation reflecting job in a month or so, if they want. Now the problem with this lot is the fact that they are not happy with the job. The soap bubble that they have forever lived in during +2 when they dreamed big and college days when they thought life is drama flick which would be designed the way they wanted, is bursting. Now this soap bubble is not like the plain dream bubble which when bursts would make you deal with reality. This is a mighty soap bubble which will make you cry with its little drops entering your dream zone and sucking it over. So hence comes all the frustration and depression of not getting the planned life. The third variety, the ones who are struggling to bag the first. Although they know it for a fact that once they get a job, the same frustration of sticking to the job, oiling and pleasing the seniors, lack of holidays, leaving city and that jazz would follow, but the momentary peace is missed. They have the acid comments from home (sympathy or anger) working against them. Thus follows the cutting down from friends and depression spreading all around.

So people have started to take pleasure in sadness. Self pity as I call it. Self pitying is absolutely ruining the world because people have actually started to enjoy doing it. Maa always called me an escapist because I like blaming somebody or the other for all my failure or unfulfilled desires, which are many. Now what I see her point when I find the whole wide world doing the same. God bless the handful who are happy and content and are complaining not.

Now about the ones getting married. They have three kinds of people, more specifically friends around them, commenting and sharing

2.1. The married friends for giving tips

2.2. The no plan to be married soon friends for ‘I-wish’

2.3. The no plan to be married soon friends for ‘why’

The batch that passed their class 12 from school in 2006! The didis of this batch have been getting married right from the beginning of 2013 and the process is on. Shreyoshi di, Angel di, Sudakshina di, Sreemoyee di, Baishakhi di, Srijita di and well too many. Now these didi-s have their married friends telling them not to get married. I have actually seen the friends coming out in public and telling them to go for love tests and compatibility tests and what not before getting married because they have had bad experiences themselves. The other set of friends have sighs and when-will-this-happening to me comments because they want to get married. The most irritating set of people in the whole scenario are these aunties, uncles, fathers, mothers and old school teachers pinching and commenting on the friends of the bride about when is their turn. The friends who genuinely do not want to get married right away (and this is just a handful of them) have fun counter comments and status’ to these get-married-soon-beta talks. This is the only bit that I have fun reading.

Since I have no work, I browse through all of this and come up with long blog posts that no one will probably read. I see my present and future in these people. Now you must be thinking I need a life because there are other fun and exciting things to do in life other than just thinking about jobs and weddings. Well yes right. Who likes strings being attached anyways?  But I am just this and this is all that I have been doing these days, other than weaving scenes of course. Oh and have you watched Yeh jawani and cried? No? You surely will not get the point that I tried to make then. I am not quite getting the point myself though. Winter is over and after the dreadful summer of 2010, I have absolutely no strength of facing the summer of 2014 with the same set of disappointments, if there are. Talking of disappointments, I think we have started to live with them long ago. I atleast have, so that also explains why I am not freaking out (well pretending not to) at the things that I should and writing this baseless random post! Except for that one cousin of mine who could commit suicide at a disappointment. I have always wondered about the mental state of people committing suicide. So these people lack courage or have extra courage to do what they do.  Gosh I am becoming old!

As my German teacher says, Tschuss!

P.S. This language actually has a vulgar tinge to it.

Oh and this amazing song that I even sing in my sleep these days

So, should I call you the winter?

Or the mighty winter sun?

Dare I name thee

Dare I call you my own

Yet when I pen you in my crimson tales

With the night dawning above,

All the doors just shut behind

Making way for love.

-Abhishikta

LOOP!

Happy Birthday! :)

Shukh Pakhider Shesh Asroy Shonar Khachay

Madly Bangali certainly is the Bangla movie that I've watched the maximum number of times and every time, every time I watch it, I get really really upset. Over? I don't know what. I think there was some other post on this movie in this blog. I happened to watch it first right after class 12 boards. Those were tough times. My joint entrance results were out and my rank was mighty 42369! HS results were not out yet and the WBJEE did wonders to my confidence. YES.
I was not particularly impressed with the story line or the acting or anything for that matter. The songs however I have loved. Each song of the movie sets in a happy gloom. When they sang 'Tania' at the end of the movie, at JU, I had dreams of joining JUDE. I really got glittery eyed at the song. When they sang 'Koto ki korar chhilo j', today, I remembered that late night at the Bilaspur station when I was actually out of options but join some random Engineering college at Chattisgarh. 'Maula' is probably the only happy song of the movie which instantly makes me sad.
The endless blabbering this late at night absolutely testifies how deeply this movie touches me every time. Few months down the line when and if I leave town, I know I would be hearing the two specific city based songs of the movie over and over again. When I learned how to make the chord shapes on the Guitar, the only thing that I looked forward to was this move and its songs. Not that I am saying these are extremely wonderful or technical or difficult for that matter. Today, one winter later when I brought out the dusty instrument out of case, I played them again.
When, which class I don't remember, we had Solitary Reaper with the last 'the music in my heart I bore' line (or was it Solitary Reaper?)  our English teacher gave us an essay to write on the most influential song of your life. I had nothing to write. Back then I thought some high figh ingriji song would make me look all cool and hep and wrote something on those lines. I wish we were given that thing to write today. Now that this post is slightly taking how-school-was-better turn, I would rather finish it here. Not that you care. Not that I care.
Ting.

Shake that tooh =D

This is again the year-that-was time!

2013 was good. Surprisingly good I meant. I actually went deep down on my superstitious pangs and thought 13 would be terrible. That is a common feeling before every year though. I still have the leaving home possibility, purple hair possibility, learning German possibility, earning money possibility, flunking semester possibility, being sidelined possibility for 2014, but all that is next year. So, as I was saying, 2013! I could write 2013 in pink, red and white and still feel it is not cheesy!

Good year. I got to live the little dreams. Lost a few new, old and very old people eventually but that realisation came later and sadness is still to empower. Lots of firsts and lots of lasts occurred this year. Every happy time that came, be it the vacations or the Pujo or this and that, I thought it would be the last and sad times are to follow. I was extremely worked up with the job scenario and the college condition, the entrance preparation or no preparation for that matter and the wasting of the extra money, the acid words that might follow and the eventual bad times. To God’s grace I was relieved somewhat by the end of Pujo around November. Lived the small experience of the mid night interview and the 24 hour long process, (in that pretty looking village highway college) that I had always heard of from people of better colleges. Although the final results are still bleak but that was a major high of the year. 2014 might shatter this all but 2013 was kind enough for this first. Various others firsts on the lines of oneness and another major high of 2013 would also be always remembered and cherished. Initial turmoil, doubts and living under wrong impressions apart, I could not have asked for more. Although the crossroads and decisions and forceful growing up that is to follow a few months into 2014 might just change a lot of equations, but ignoring all that, 2013 has been memorable. I felt lost and happy and very very jealous and loved and blessed and forsaken and forgotten and angry and relieved and worried and shattered and butterflies and jealous and small and happy and content and impatient and worried and satisfied and shy and good and same and surprised and yahoo and thankful and wonderful and jealous and happy and loved.

Looking back, I would always call 2013 as a transition year. Although most of the happy additions of 2013 will have their major formative period of sustenance in the year next, I cannot thank the year more for all that it gave to me. Some sad moments and tears apart, I would really like to hold on to this year in the final moments and kiss it a happy Bbye. Thank You! 

Have a great year ahead. For you and for myself, let there be faith and love.

24th December

Like every year, they would fly their orange robes and feel proud.

24th December

Like every year, I would crib and complain and know where I belong or don't in this case.

24th December

I woke up to get my article rejected while they study literature and create history.

24th December

Today.

Sadma :D

One of the most heartbreaking scenes in the history of cinema is the last scene of Sadma. I have never really watched the movie in full in one go, but in bits, pieces and parts, I have. The surmayee ankhiyon mein being the loveliest lullaby ever. So as I was saying, heartbreaks!

I talk of heartbreaks today after a heavy dose of swearing at all men folks the entire evening. There was one transition from school to college where everybody became single to get into new relationships, a similar transition is about to happen is six months and people are making ways to get rid of all the bonds for making new ones. That is not a bad a thing. Not a very good one though. Who am I to judge anyway?

Hrittik and Sussane were my perfect couple and they are parting ways. They even have the same tattoos. Silly I know but that is my take on it. And come to think of it, if they can, anybody can. The male take on this issue is the fact that both of them are good looking people and would find different and more compatible partners. Love is a part of life. Not life itself. I don’t completely agree to this though. Well.

This was another agenda of the evening gossip. And everybody agreed hands down to the fact that men are less attached in any relationship and it is just very easy for them to break the strings and start afresh. They find their contentment and moments from here, there, somewhere, anywhere. I speak like an ultra feminist? You don’t agree? Well either I meet exceptional men or you do.

This post in no way is about me or my heartbreak. God has been exceptionally kind lately and I have never been happier. The existence of the timeline that people spoke of today did scare me a bit. I live in hope and trust. The evening was also about those warnings and advises which I gladly laughed at. I hope that stays.

And the scene I was talking about. Of forgetting. And heartbreaks. 

Random Rambling.

I have always been a fan of trains! Not the local trains and definitely not the ac compartments of all other trains (the Rajdhani Express and all the childhood excitements of ‘khabar debe’ being an exception though). So when you get to feel the chill of winter almost on the train window (which again happens provided you don’t have angry middle aged daddy figures and delicate same aged darlings around) you feel plain happy. And for a moment, you can just forget how your world is a tad bit upset. This time, I also got to see an almost full moon! The sneezes and rolling nose follows soon enough but nothing like those moments of strong wind gushing through your dandruff and right cheek. It was an equally happy experience the first and only time when I had my EKA EKA going to Chhattisgarh last year.

Why I write this today? Because I have absolutely nothing to do. Semester is over and everyone around have exams or work or extensive joint family troubles or are too busy getting all irritated. So THIS.

And also I would be absolutely mainstream in saying I got the much awaited letter and unlike many aging people around, I felt happy! The letter and the happiness are absolutely gift wrapped to me and I take no credit in anything whatsoever. God had just been extremely kind on that one day and night, which makes a day. Whatever that meant. And when you have good people by your side all the time, quite literally this time, somewhere deep down, you really start touching wood, all the time. This made no sense yes! I care NOT.

Since you are THIS jobless to read THIS far, let me also wish you a very happy December. Decembers have never been kind though. Be blessed this time. Have Fun. How I miss the school Christmas parties where Santa would give us ‘pora’ cake, one big komola lebu and a git. Every year! And this post abruptly ends. Here.

And whichever world it is that you are in, find love and give love.
Not always, not everyday, but you are missed.
Very much.

She would sleep late every night,

Holding him tight and near.

As she always watched him sleep,

Locked the door and held her dear.

-Abhishikta

Preference, what a good looking word when you write on with an ink pen on a crisp white paper. A handsome looking word- “Preference”.

I say handsome because I imagine ‘Preference’ as a strong man in black tuxedo, standing tall and unbendable. Ever persistent ever present. Although one can start to admire other men around, nothing would last because they, unlike ‘Preference’ are not timeless.

The little nerdy would also point to the precedence table that has been heard of, so often, all through the last seven semesters. Preference Precedence Table be the new man in the territory. The heart knows the table well.

The first remain the first which in turn could either be a very good or a very bad thing. Theory of relativity? I have been a royally certified nerd? I care? Anymore?

Love, dreams, aims, promises, wishes, expectations- the words around which our world rotates. All shall disappear. Because that handsome and good looking man in black would give one killer look. And the world will turn upside down.

So who exactly are you?
I am one of those.
I must have known. I must have known.
You must have!

Orre baba abar sem :/

With a bit of overdoing yes. For now

‘So this is what life is all about? Give and take?’

‘Almost so. Mostly.’

‘So you give and I take?’

‘Exactly so. Always’

Darjeeling giye hot chocolate khabo. Ekkhuni! Now! :/
Period.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

:)

When Abhro told me that his ‘baji’ bill was 1500 I instantly thought how we ‘burn’ our money every Diwali. Well! The pretty lights-all through the night-in the sky-from my bed is a sight to cherish yes, but there are people who probably spend their entire month with that much money.

 But then Maa too returned from her candle and diya shopping. She told me about this old man, probably 70, she met today. He had a big shopper bag filled with candle packets and was sweating constantly. He did not have a shop and stood at one corner of the road trying to sell the candles and hence, went unnoticed. So my mother dearest went and bought the candles from him. He was so pleased at his first customer that he gave a discount of 2 rupees on the overall candle bill. Yes! 2! Just! But that seemed like a big amount to him as he went on saying that from each packet, he just gets a profit of 2 bucks.

 Maa went all numb and sad while telling the story and the self centred trait of mine kept on thinking of my financial problems or no problems that is to follow in future. But then again, the morning story of burning of the 1500 rupees suddenly started to seem all logical because that would buy a pretty Diwali night to the seller.

Happy Diwali!

Merrily Merrily Merrily Merrily

DIGDRAFTSBEHAPPYDIGDRAFTSAPRILYESREADSMILEPOST

For Ever

I have seen the sun

Slowly giving way to light.

And little I noticed

The clouds silently passing by.

Forever misunderstood

How everything I forever desired was forever mine.

And Ever

You have been by my side.

Smiling demurely at all my wrongs.

And little I noticed

The glistening twinkle in your eyes

With all the promises

That you meant so fine.

And A

Thought passed

On a day like today,

And I looked all over.

As you stood where I left seeking revenge,

As I waited where you never came.

Thus I saw the grey horizon waltzing to orange.

Little Bit More

Charming, Alluring,

Incredibly wonderful,

With the same glowing darkness and silver linings new

You still are

And let me say

I love you.

-Abhishikta

'Abandon the boat'
The weatherman said,
'There is a storm in the sea.
'Take only what you need
Let the other things be'

-Abhishikta

Or You Can Just Buffer And Listen To The Very Pretty Song

Here is another ‘pravachan’ dose! Bear or Go Away! D-uh. Listen to the song and go away that is.

While I come back to the submissive tone that any ‘Pravachan’ should have, you can just start to imagine me as one of those deities you saw during the childhood Sundays of ‘Mahabharat’ telecasts, with that golden aura ring right behind my head. That somehow helps me to hide the receding hairline. That would make a whole different post though.

So as I was saying, or about to say,

There are moments that you remember after they are gone, wanting to get them back and there are moments that you wished would last forever. I don’t how many of you are there who have spent a major part of their lives rehearsing for situations, love scenes, fights, revolutions, crisis periods, wars, mainly happy scenes, that have never existed and would probably never exist but you just rehearse, for no specific reason at all. I have this habit. The more Roman way of putting it would be daydreaming. When you sit with your books, right before semester and spend time doing nothing and wake up every day with scary texts from a dear friend asking about studies. Bleh.  The point was, there are times and very fortunate times when you get to live these moments that you have dreamt of or wished for. And these are the moments that you really want to hold on to.

Few years down the line I don’t know if I would be laughing at this post or would be too ashamed to show this to my grand children because they might point that they have a silly Granny. That is there. At times I wonder if I live a dream or is this compensatory happiness from God before the final blow of jobless wanderings, or no wanderings in my case. The world is going mad with tensions and here I am blogging randomly because I have nothing better to do on this pleasant late Autumn morning.

As you can notice by now that like most of the posts, (now I am just considering that you read the previous posts. Wishful thinking) this post is going nowhere. Bhaaago! And there still are certain dreams that you wish really really happened. Very plain non-demanding dreams them. I mean. Why Not? 'Odhiker Shomoshya" as the man puts it. Not getting a word of this now? Good!

I had a very quick chat with a girl I have always admired for her charm, beauty and fun life. I was surprised when the first thing she said was that she is getting no time from studies. Here I must also mention that she is placed. That was a moment of I don’t know what but yes, with this condition, with minimal knowledge of basics and no knowledge of the qualifying exams. Very little idea about the not so distant entrances and no idea about the next door monster, I am again happy. Guilty happy yes!

Should I be scared?

I should start worrying and working probably!

Forever

Since?

Since she first failed?

Or the first task he scaled?

The first time the clouds broke?

Or the troubles he cloaked?

The black old bag?

The endless nags?

The tips?

The tans?

Hers

And his hands?

Since the last first?

The pizza with thin crust?

Rude talks?

Pet dogs?

The cares

Much shares

The off and on fogs?

The roads that were jammed?

The phone that was slammed?

Since?

-Abhishikta

Picture courtesy: Aniket Khatua

Ah well then!

Ele R Gele

Achhe bochhor ki j hobe

Dhonnobaad nonetheless

=]

Shubho Bijoya

'Dugga Dugga'

No matter how much we try and be or pretend to be or just be excited about Pujo a year before the Pujo, the voice of Birendra Krishna Bhadra on the Mahalaya morning really marks the start of the Pujo Pujo feel. Whatever I said is nothing new and every facebook status says the same thing? Who said this post is unique?

Last year I remember having my second round of viral fever 2 days before the Mahalaya. I was really down and ill. Somehow the sound of this morning perfection lifted my soul for those two hours. This year again, there has been a lot going on. People are either too happy or too sad. There was a general gloom in every near and dear and known and similar person around me for academic or personal reasons. But then again came the Mahalaya. I have no idea how is the mood of the rest of them, but today, for today, just today, I am happy.

Maa leaves for a few days today evening and I have a not so good class in an hour. A dear friend could not get through the interview round of her much expected job. Pailan has been giving us bad times like the last three years. Oh yes we have internals on tritiya and choturthi,.  And my academic scenario, let’s not get into that. Amidst all these, when Maa called at 4:05 to say 4te beje gechhe and I received her call with a swollen, watery and red left eye, I was plain happy. Dada living next door played his radio sets so loud that I did not even have to get up and switch on mine. This time probably every household plays the same thing unmistakably.

I don’t ever remember hearing the entire Mahalaya. I have my specific favourites though that I never miss half asleep, half awake. The problematic eye this time did make me stay awake for a longer time than usual years. I don’t know when I fell asleep again. That is a happy feeling. This also is the last Pujo before graduation and the little pessimism in me says next year, Pujo would be incomplete. So, as I was telling Sudipto yesterday night, let’s forget all the future woes for the next few days. Pujo is year. Finally!

As the mikes would continue saying the same old

Subho Sharodiya’s Preeti Shubhechha O Obhinondon 

May all be well

'Dugga Dugga'

Say Pooooooooooooo Say Jooooooooooo

Shameless?
Yes maybe. That is exactly what I somewhat hinted back at Maa when she hinted at my failure celebrations.

Depressing things apart, it's OCTOBER!
The 1st of October and while the world celebrate their placements, we celebrate my aamish-hood.
And also, Pujo is here. Come Shorot Kal and every morning I wake up to new dress routine for Pujo. This year has been slightly different since I have a reason less to celebrate and jealously has crept in my system. Jealously is somehow a very uncool word to say about one's self. Let's call it. Self pity. Nah, Jealousy sounded better!

Nevermind.
Pujo is here. Mahalaya is in three days. Although this also means that Maa leaves for Nagpur in 3 days and I am having daily pangs to hide away from everything with a Tatkal ticket to the wedding but then, how can I miss Pujo. October it is! A lot of chicken, indigestion, upset stomach, tension, brishti, pinkness and happy eating (in no specific order) started the Pujo month. The Kaash phools all along the Diamond Harbor Road every year is probably the only thing that I like about Pailan. The last line was out of context yes. Bleh

I do realize that I am ruining and about to ruin the entire theme with which I started and intended to write this post. I better stop. So. To Pujo, Chicken and People- the good, the bad and the placed, Cheers!