Gush of wind

Splash of water

Goodmorning pretty city!

Kollolini :)

 Ki Gorom!

Haa, London e jonmechhili toh!

Mine and Maa's standard conversation post landing to Kolkata for quite many years. I was so happy when she complained about the heat last week after coming to Kolkata from Bangalore. Next it was my turn today.

I worry extra about everything to look, feel and be extra correct at Kolkata for S. I act like a C grade Bollywood aunty presenting her child in front of a marriage prospect when it comes to Kolkata and S.

So we landed, stood on the ever going prepaid queue, cursed cab drivers for finding innovative reasons for not coming and cherry on the cake, gorom! 

What you see on the face? Is it sweat? It is oil? Who can tell. S looked like he'll faint any moment, even if you cut my exaggeration, he looked quite unwell, add the semi sick he has been for the looong week we had. 

Worry

More worry

Even more frustration

Puffs of dust miked wind straight into our eyes,

A little peak from the mask to smell it all.

A little spray too!

Kalboishakhi!

Hello Kollolini

:')

Now, if the fate gods behave, might as well get a taxi after 1.5hrs of wait. Who can tell!

Homesick Again!

 

My love for Kolkata does a dramatic reminder entry on a summer evening while cherry blossom cover every corner of Bangalore, kids of the society do a cheerful play in the pool, office is about to get over earlier than usual. Everything happy, everything peaceful?

Yet I wonder how the smell of Summer is from the terrace beside my room this year? 

Did Tribe introduce a new pork platter on their menu?

Has the city had its first shower of the year already without me?

Is JU having fests again?

Kalibari grounds all set with Poila Boishakh mela?

It takes immense amount of purbo jonmer punno to live and die in Kolkata, I know!

Live?

Die?

Maybe?

Not?

Take me home already!

Up Up And Away

Fears

Tears

Wants

Needs

Truths

Lies

Life

Time

Up

Up

Away

Hindustan Ka Dil Dekho 🧡🤍💚

For a very long time in my life, Mamabari = Dadurbari = Madhya Pradesh ; was something I would tell my friends with utter pride when I was complimented for my non Bangla accented Hindi (yes that is a cool Bangla thing)

Then of course Madhya Pradesh got divided into Chhattisgarh and Madhya Pradesh, Dongargarh was sold off, Dida took off, Dadu followed, things got bitter, however; visiting Madhya Pradesh after so many years filled my heart!

Bias aside, WHAT A CLEAN STATE!

With Bias, WHAT A PRETTY STATE!

Leaving Kolkata is never easy.

Never has been.

Never would be.

Kolkata Spring

Kolkata Spring has a charm of its own!

While the winter fearing clan gets way too excited about shedding off multilayers, it also is the time for exams nearing by!

Kolkata Spring always reminds me of the impending 'School er final porikkha' (we are an old generation of April to March sessions) or college's even semesters!

The rush of wind smelling of newly opened books, the clothes fluttering in the wind singing its own lullaby, slow setting sun and an urge to go out for a cycle ride or adda by the 'parar pukur'.

With Saraswati Pujo just around the corner, my heart is so full to experience Kolkata Springs, after very many years! 

How (much) are you enjoying your Spring this year?!

Happy poem on unhappy day

Keep that smile

Do what they say

Happy poem on unhappy day

Life is grey

Write away

Happy poem on unhappy day

- Abhishikta

Dawn

Dawn, they named her.

The end to darkness,

The lighy of hope,

Dawn, 

A least acknowledged, vanishing smile

Did you know that dawn lasts just for a while?

Pufff, and it fizzes

Into Eternal Sunshine.

The world looks in wonder,

The world stands at praise,

But,

Pufff, and it fizzes

Into Eternal Sunshine.

Dawn,

The temporary existence,

The peaceful silence.

Dawn, they named her

Dawn,

A tear down a face that otherwise shines.

- Abhishikta

Mandate

1. What did you do in 2021 that you’ve never done before?
Married

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year?
2021 resolution to panic less, not kept, not met.
2022, reduce the smoke!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, Prajakta gave us Arjun! :')

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Dadu
Mesho
Mrs. Ghatak

 

5. What countries did you visit?
Bleh!
But I did visit Bangalore, Kolkata, Darjeeling, Dhotrey, Goa, Chandigarh, Mcleodganj, Ludhiana, Kumbakonam.


6. What would you like to have in 2022 that you lacked in 2021?
Fearlessness


7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory?
26th April! My Engagement amidst the HUGE second Covid wave.


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
CSM!
Switch.


9. What was your biggest failure?
Putting my parents through a lot!


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Dengue! TOO MUCH of it!


11. What was the best thing you bought?
TV


12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Baba's


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Prajapati Senior


14. Where did most of your money go?
Tickets


15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Goa!
Wedding oath!


16. What song/album will always remind you of 2021?
Sang Rahiyo :')


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
1. Happier or sadder? Same
2. Thinner or fatter? Fatter
3. Richer or poorer? Richer (This considering we're still at TTMM)


18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Working out!


19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying


20. How did you spend Christmas?
Shouted my lungs out at 83 at the theatre at the stroke of midnight
Drank cheap wine


21. Who did you spend most of the time on the phone with?
S! Again! Hello Long Distance


22. Did you fall in love in 2021?
Yes


23. How many one night stands in this last year?
None.


24. What was your favorite Tv programme?
Grey's Anatomy
Emily in Paris
Good Doctor (briefly)
Little Things (Last Season :'))

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Yes and No. Hate is too strong a word maybe. Dislike, that is the word.


26. What was the best book(s) you read?
Again a year of absolutely zero reads. Shameful. Yes.


27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Haman Hai Ishq Mastana


28. What did you want and get?
All major festivals at home :')


29. What did you want and did not get?
Visiting Northern Lights for Honeymoon


30. What were your favorite films?
Can't think of even 1 right now


31. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
30+ :)
I was home
S flew down to home
We visited by lanes of Gafra and Esplanade
Beer flowed
Maa cooked
It was perfect! :')

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Less Covid scare


33. What would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020?
Handeddown Tshirts!


34. What kept you sane?
Maa


35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Kavya


36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Narendra Modi (figure)


37. Who did you miss?
Dida


38. Who was the best new person you met?
Noone

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2021?
Save Well!


40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?

एक दिन आप यूं हमको मिल जाएंगे फूल ही फूल राहों में खिल जाएंगे मैंने सोचा न था

Peace, Love, Health

Little New Year Prayer!

Somewhere between 11:59 and 12:01

2022, Please be kind!

Wedding Ring Tattoo, Check

 

True Love Who! ❤️

It's been so long that we've not been speaking! On stage.

Not sure about others, but I could definitely feel the change in confidence and comfort on stage, two years later, not in the most positive way. Long way from here. Very long way from here.

Start again!

Learn again!

Speak again!

❤️

May I Go To Toilet

Wasn't it just yesterday when you would slowly raise your hand up, pull your small wooden chair, adjust your skirt and say "Miss, may I go to toilet?". 

I was thinking off late, why? Why did we ever ask permission for something so basic and what would be the outcome when the alleged 'Miss' would say NO to our toilet request? Why are we conditioned from childhood to request for our basic rights? Of course we grow up, study well, score better than everyone, earn, work more than everyone but at the end, the conditioned upbringing, the conditioned mindset!? Of asking if we should eat, sleep, walk, jump, breathe, go to toilet!

Does it ever leave us? If it ever does, is the world conditioned to accept it? Does anyone's acceptance really matter? Think! Reflect! 

Here's hoping we never have to ask anyone before going to toilet ever again. Amen.

The Bollywood I Wanted :')

 

Call it Magic! ♥️

Found the perfect Hermione to my Ron 🦋

Biye Bollywood that I had always wanted

*Thu Thu Thu*

Priority Prayer for Girls!

While I'm seeing an increase in the number of Jagadhattri pujos this year (or maybe I've been out of Calcutta for way too long), I hope the Bearer Goddess bears girl child in families where they can teach her to have a voice in this world. 

Let's start from that. My prayer lists are anyhow, always, endless.

Amen.

Photos and Memories

Photographs

The importance or no importance if it in a world full of influencers and people wanting to document their lives.

A few weeks ago I visited one of my uncle's house where I saw this huge black and white album of old photos where my Pishis looked young and Amma looked like Bouma. Photos of few relatives who are no more, photos of me smiling wide and bald, my sister in objectionable clothes for a 20+ today but perfect for the 2 year old in photo. I was thinking if there were 300 variants of the same photo to choose from, if we would be happier, or just indifferent because, choices and backups.

Then there was this human I knew very close for almost 4 years of college and a year more but I have zero photos with. This is about a time when photos were a norm but sie was always too ashamed (embarrassed?). Ofcourse this human chose to leave. Hindsight I realise it is a good thing, for the lack of photos mean fading memory for me and my generation, mostly.

Then there was this human who would take a million screenshots, probably because sie wasn't as ashamed (embarrassed?). Good thing? Commits for a lifetime of bold memories since I intend to not lose this human? Who are we to ascertain! Petty humans.

But good memories are to be remembered even without photos. My uncle's generation would agree. But the shallow heart wonders, really??? 

Happy Birthday SRK

Happy Birthday SRK! The God of love!

I have been inquisitive about love of all forms and types, ages and phases, much before I even knew what love is. We hardly know what it is today as well, me, you, everyone, everywhere.

Off late I have been wondering of the fear of losing someone as the most potent form of love. Death, breakup, conspiracy, duty, condition, its-not-you-its-me, the reasons are many, many! But the same baseline, fear. And you do, all that you do, to not be afraid. A day old in love or a hundred years, matters very little.

Fear in love means less love or more!? Ever wondered!? To love someone so much that you're afraid to lose them? To be loved so little that you're afraid to lose them? A? B? Both? None? We get to choose? You have a say? You end up being the selfish one anyway, to love, maybe yourself a little as well this time? But then you were supposed to bear and hear. Who changed the game rules?

I guess we will never know what love is. Till then, Fear over Love or Love over Fear? Choose your pick! :)

And it's okay maybe if you're not the Kavya to Dhruv.

To Love... AMEN ❤️

Dida!

 There was once a woman who would call me before every exam, all exam and bless me breathless, during a time when free calls didn't exist and her funds weren't enough but motivation was, always.

There was once a woman who I believed had a special connection with God because any worry you tell her to pray for, would be answered. No worries ever, ever!

She took off 7 years ago; blessings and prayers have not been the same, would ever be?!

Corporate Slavery! Rant.

It's been a little more than 7 years that I have been a corporate slave and still, every day, the fear to lose it all is just the same. Not that I'm a rebel or business minded or artistic or passionate for anything else. Happy being the mediocre that I am. So, fate Gods, no more excitement. I am okay with the bland I have. Please. Period.

Bengal-uru

Bangalore has always had a love hate relationship with me. It has helped me grow, it has helped me be independent in ways that even Bollywood has not made movies about, it has given me solace in the darkest of nights when Hyderabad was lit in love and wine. Bangalore will forever have a big piece of my heart in yellow💛 and red ♥️ where I wake up when I want, drink when I want and even skip taking bath, whenever I want. Noone stops me from drinking ThumsUp three times in a day, noone rolls their eyes if there is no Rui Machh made or had, for weeks. Bangalore of peoples' dreams, Bangalore of my adulthood!

A city which I could never call home, a city which could never become home. Have to move back to it in almost a month, for a new chapter, a hopeful one, BUT, for a long long time, and this time, maybe forever. Still wondering to be happy or sad about it. Covid and lockdown made me used to home so much that I'd trade RB'r pasher adda over Marathalli in a heartbeat. Mangsho bhaat over Apple Cider, any day! 

The last one year at Kolkata was like a stolen aam from last night's storm at school which you know, would eventually be taken off by the Prefects but you hold on to it, as long as you can, smell the tangy perfect aroma till they snatch it away from you. Kolkata, my one true love, I have no idea when would I be capable enough to start living in you again, forever.

Till then, Booze, Brewery, Bangalore. Hollow Happy City, here we go, again. 

Cycle Of Life

It was just the other day that I was talking of being the bigger person. Remember how Obhagir shorgo had this piece about the tinge sarcasm fate plays?! WB board had done a brilliant job with the Bangla first language pieces truly!

Coming back about fate sarcasm where you are the reason people don't sleep well at night, where you stop people from doing things they've dreamt for long, where you cannot think beyond your idea of a perfect world and slowly end up in a world that just has you. Can you blame the receiving end? Who am I to tell. Fate smiles and pats its back. Well played! Well danced. You know the drill, must not be so tough afterall.

It's a cycle my friend, it is always a cycle. 

Little Things

 Little Things came like a Doshomi gift!

Even though I found the last season heavily inspired by the Before series, Dhruv and Kavya always end up wanting me to become the bigger person in a relationship, in a non sacrificial way. Ex-es and Present would be doing a left lip smirk. However!

Long Live RomComs ! 

Shubho Sharodiya!

Just in case you thought Maa Durga has all the powers this Durga Pujo, did you just underestimate the power of cab drivers and holud taxi-s, swooshing over your frantic requests with a foshka pora notun juto?

Let the power play begin (for me too, pretty please. Reporting to life, 12days straight out of sick boundaries is not even funny any more. Looking forward to a lucky 13th day of perfect health and Pujo tomorrow. Powers we're talking of here, really)

No photo because I have nothing remotely positive around to talk about Pujo right now. Nonetheless, eternally grateful to the hometeam! To tomorrow!

Shubho Sharodiya ❤️

Seeking Prayers! :)

Public acceptance of Fear to be the greatest of all emotions.

You thought it is love? Well, what is love but fear of losing someone so much that you do all that you can to make every second feel like a lifetime?

These days, borderlining fear of health and missing out on pujo for the first time in many many years, so much so that I am not even allowed to talk about it. 

Period.

Cold Mess

Some songs remind of a certain time in life, so much, all your life.

Some voices remind you to be sad, all your life.

Team it with a curved line of smoke, always team it with a curve line of smoke.

Warm Your Heart Before Monday!!

 

Bhoy Lagchhe

If only they could pay for anxiety and overthinking. 

Will my latest venture turn out to be rewarding?

Why not?!

Will I end up quitting and depend on folks to buy me a bindi packet?

What?!

Play the leader and still be a shaky 24 something shying when someone calls you "madam" and expects you to handle situations.

Me?

Pretend confidence when you want your obhimaan of not being understood acknowledged and bandaged. 

I know right!

Bhishon bhoy lagchhe. Not wanting to rethink on decisions; because no choice; but bhishon bhoy lagchhe.

Saving grace, songs I discover through sappy web series.

Gods, be kind yaaaa! Pleeeease! :'(

Here's the song btw

Jibon Ekta Juddho

Life

Myriads of yes' and nos

Myriads of holding on and letting go

Survive

Survive

Survive

Myriads of accepting show

Myriads of realizations; slow, very slow.

Life

-Abhishikta

Goodbye Is Just Another Word

When I left Accenture, I remember the Bollywood I created; cardboard boxes, turning back until the building faded, swipping and reswipping, extended farewells, notes, photos, after parties, saying Bye Bye to everyone I knew (which is a LOT of people given the social butterfly I was, given that Ecospace had 7 BDCs in total!)

Yesterday when I did the last logout from Wells Fargo, the experience was weird. 
Of course there was a farewell call, farewell cake, farewell gift, friends who wrote sappy, manager who spoke sappy, but the feeling was weird. To say Bye Bye to the first defect raised, first big stage experience, the first confident work, the first owning up, second heartbreak, many flings, million green tea breaks, Aha Andhra Biryanis, crazy hazy parties, growing old, making friends, meeting mentor, trying humour. All of that and more, Online. Also to three pairs of footwear at the pedestal that I didn't know I am losing! 

Off for third innings where the leap and risk are higher than ever. Praying to the job Gods for mercy and blessings, again. Pretty Please! 

BLR-T2-10f So Long! Thank You!

And as S said "Peene ki capacity, doston ka pyar aur naam ka khauf, kabhi kum nahi hona chahiye". 

Amen to that!