So who exactly are you?
I am one of those.
I must have known. I must have known.
You must have!

Orre baba abar sem :/

With a bit of overdoing yes. For now

‘So this is what life is all about? Give and take?’

‘Almost so. Mostly.’

‘So you give and I take?’

‘Exactly so. Always’

Darjeeling giye hot chocolate khabo. Ekkhuni! Now! :/
Period.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

:)

When Abhro told me that his ‘baji’ bill was 1500 I instantly thought how we ‘burn’ our money every Diwali. Well! The pretty lights-all through the night-in the sky-from my bed is a sight to cherish yes, but there are people who probably spend their entire month with that much money.

 But then Maa too returned from her candle and diya shopping. She told me about this old man, probably 70, she met today. He had a big shopper bag filled with candle packets and was sweating constantly. He did not have a shop and stood at one corner of the road trying to sell the candles and hence, went unnoticed. So my mother dearest went and bought the candles from him. He was so pleased at his first customer that he gave a discount of 2 rupees on the overall candle bill. Yes! 2! Just! But that seemed like a big amount to him as he went on saying that from each packet, he just gets a profit of 2 bucks.

 Maa went all numb and sad while telling the story and the self centred trait of mine kept on thinking of my financial problems or no problems that is to follow in future. But then again, the morning story of burning of the 1500 rupees suddenly started to seem all logical because that would buy a pretty Diwali night to the seller.

Happy Diwali!

Merrily Merrily Merrily Merrily

DIGDRAFTSBEHAPPYDIGDRAFTSAPRILYESREADSMILEPOST

For Ever

I have seen the sun

Slowly giving way to light.

And little I noticed

The clouds silently passing by.

Forever misunderstood

How everything I forever desired was forever mine.

And Ever

You have been by my side.

Smiling demurely at all my wrongs.

And little I noticed

The glistening twinkle in your eyes

With all the promises

That you meant so fine.

And A

Thought passed

On a day like today,

And I looked all over.

As you stood where I left seeking revenge,

As I waited where you never came.

Thus I saw the grey horizon waltzing to orange.

Little Bit More

Charming, Alluring,

Incredibly wonderful,

With the same glowing darkness and silver linings new

You still are

And let me say

I love you.

-Abhishikta

'Abandon the boat'
The weatherman said,
'There is a storm in the sea.
'Take only what you need
Let the other things be'

-Abhishikta

Or You Can Just Buffer And Listen To The Very Pretty Song

Here is another ‘pravachan’ dose! Bear or Go Away! D-uh. Listen to the song and go away that is.

While I come back to the submissive tone that any ‘Pravachan’ should have, you can just start to imagine me as one of those deities you saw during the childhood Sundays of ‘Mahabharat’ telecasts, with that golden aura ring right behind my head. That somehow helps me to hide the receding hairline. That would make a whole different post though.

So as I was saying, or about to say,

There are moments that you remember after they are gone, wanting to get them back and there are moments that you wished would last forever. I don’t how many of you are there who have spent a major part of their lives rehearsing for situations, love scenes, fights, revolutions, crisis periods, wars, mainly happy scenes, that have never existed and would probably never exist but you just rehearse, for no specific reason at all. I have this habit. The more Roman way of putting it would be daydreaming. When you sit with your books, right before semester and spend time doing nothing and wake up every day with scary texts from a dear friend asking about studies. Bleh.  The point was, there are times and very fortunate times when you get to live these moments that you have dreamt of or wished for. And these are the moments that you really want to hold on to.

Few years down the line I don’t know if I would be laughing at this post or would be too ashamed to show this to my grand children because they might point that they have a silly Granny. That is there. At times I wonder if I live a dream or is this compensatory happiness from God before the final blow of jobless wanderings, or no wanderings in my case. The world is going mad with tensions and here I am blogging randomly because I have nothing better to do on this pleasant late Autumn morning.

As you can notice by now that like most of the posts, (now I am just considering that you read the previous posts. Wishful thinking) this post is going nowhere. Bhaaago! And there still are certain dreams that you wish really really happened. Very plain non-demanding dreams them. I mean. Why Not? 'Odhiker Shomoshya" as the man puts it. Not getting a word of this now? Good!

I had a very quick chat with a girl I have always admired for her charm, beauty and fun life. I was surprised when the first thing she said was that she is getting no time from studies. Here I must also mention that she is placed. That was a moment of I don’t know what but yes, with this condition, with minimal knowledge of basics and no knowledge of the qualifying exams. Very little idea about the not so distant entrances and no idea about the next door monster, I am again happy. Guilty happy yes!

Should I be scared?

I should start worrying and working probably!

Forever

Since?

Since she first failed?

Or the first task he scaled?

The first time the clouds broke?

Or the troubles he cloaked?

The black old bag?

The endless nags?

The tips?

The tans?

Hers

And his hands?

Since the last first?

The pizza with thin crust?

Rude talks?

Pet dogs?

The cares

Much shares

The off and on fogs?

The roads that were jammed?

The phone that was slammed?

Since?

-Abhishikta

Picture courtesy: Aniket Khatua

Ah well then!

Ele R Gele

Achhe bochhor ki j hobe

Dhonnobaad nonetheless

=]

Shubho Bijoya

'Dugga Dugga'

No matter how much we try and be or pretend to be or just be excited about Pujo a year before the Pujo, the voice of Birendra Krishna Bhadra on the Mahalaya morning really marks the start of the Pujo Pujo feel. Whatever I said is nothing new and every facebook status says the same thing? Who said this post is unique?

Last year I remember having my second round of viral fever 2 days before the Mahalaya. I was really down and ill. Somehow the sound of this morning perfection lifted my soul for those two hours. This year again, there has been a lot going on. People are either too happy or too sad. There was a general gloom in every near and dear and known and similar person around me for academic or personal reasons. But then again came the Mahalaya. I have no idea how is the mood of the rest of them, but today, for today, just today, I am happy.

Maa leaves for a few days today evening and I have a not so good class in an hour. A dear friend could not get through the interview round of her much expected job. Pailan has been giving us bad times like the last three years. Oh yes we have internals on tritiya and choturthi,.  And my academic scenario, let’s not get into that. Amidst all these, when Maa called at 4:05 to say 4te beje gechhe and I received her call with a swollen, watery and red left eye, I was plain happy. Dada living next door played his radio sets so loud that I did not even have to get up and switch on mine. This time probably every household plays the same thing unmistakably.

I don’t ever remember hearing the entire Mahalaya. I have my specific favourites though that I never miss half asleep, half awake. The problematic eye this time did make me stay awake for a longer time than usual years. I don’t know when I fell asleep again. That is a happy feeling. This also is the last Pujo before graduation and the little pessimism in me says next year, Pujo would be incomplete. So, as I was telling Sudipto yesterday night, let’s forget all the future woes for the next few days. Pujo is year. Finally!

As the mikes would continue saying the same old

Subho Sharodiya’s Preeti Shubhechha O Obhinondon 

May all be well

'Dugga Dugga'

Say Pooooooooooooo Say Jooooooooooo

Shameless?
Yes maybe. That is exactly what I somewhat hinted back at Maa when she hinted at my failure celebrations.

Depressing things apart, it's OCTOBER!
The 1st of October and while the world celebrate their placements, we celebrate my aamish-hood.
And also, Pujo is here. Come Shorot Kal and every morning I wake up to new dress routine for Pujo. This year has been slightly different since I have a reason less to celebrate and jealously has crept in my system. Jealously is somehow a very uncool word to say about one's self. Let's call it. Self pity. Nah, Jealousy sounded better!

Nevermind.
Pujo is here. Mahalaya is in three days. Although this also means that Maa leaves for Nagpur in 3 days and I am having daily pangs to hide away from everything with a Tatkal ticket to the wedding but then, how can I miss Pujo. October it is! A lot of chicken, indigestion, upset stomach, tension, brishti, pinkness and happy eating (in no specific order) started the Pujo month. The Kaash phools all along the Diamond Harbor Road every year is probably the only thing that I like about Pailan. The last line was out of context yes. Bleh

I do realize that I am ruining and about to ruin the entire theme with which I started and intended to write this post. I better stop. So. To Pujo, Chicken and People- the good, the bad and the placed, Cheers!

:/

Oh him :')

Ross: [Ross just found out that Joey and Rachel were together and is now drunk] Ah, love. L-O-V-E love. 'L' is for life. I mean what is life without love?

[long pause]

Rachel: [to Joey] Oh my god, are we supposed to answer?

Ross: 'O' is for OH WOW! 'V' is for this very surprising turn of events which i am *still* fine with by the way. 'EEE'

[squeals]

Ross: is for how extreeemeely normal I find it that you two are together and that one day you might get married... and have children of your own...

http://www.telegraphindia.com/1130913/jsp/frontpage/story_17344687.jsp#.UjNClsamj-W

Helen Sircar. She was my class teacher during the first half of class IX and English teacher in class X. A wonderful teacher, a nice and fun person, someone I have admired all my school years for the excellent command over the language. I remember how she explained the Adam Eve story with new depth and dimension to it one day. And of course. Daffodils!

The reason why I want to be a teacher somewhere someday is partly because Mrs.Nandi told me so once and partly because I was filled with respect for Mrs.Helen Sircar on 23^rd June 2006 and I wanted the same from many. The St. John’s Day is celebrated in the St.Pauls Cathedral every year on the 24^th of June. Helen Sircar always guided the school choir with the hymns and songs and entry and exit sequences. On 22^nd June 2006 it was announced over the speakers during the morning assembly that Mrs. Sircar’s father expired. That happened to be the first day of stage rehearsal and without Mrs. Sircar, the choir girls did not know what to do and where to stand and how to move. Nothing much happened on that day. On 23^rd morning, we were shocked to see Mrs.Sircar on the school grounds, just a day after her father passed away, with her customary list of students, her plan of action and stuff. She knew without her the programme would lead nowhere. She conducted the entire programme wonderfully. Tremendous hit that choir was. Later I got a glimpse of Mrs.Sircar crying her eyes out at the staff room. That was then. And I knew that being a teacher is fun and an extremely wonderful job with a lot of responsibilities. I was filled with respect for this woman.

The same woman was arrested yesterday. Helen Sircar resigned from school and joined the Christ Church School during 2011. A student of class V died and she was arrested. Reason? The principal is supposed to know about every time any student has loose motion and hiccup. I mean seriously? The child’s death is unfortunate and everything I understand. But the near and dear ones should be held equally responsible for not understanding and reacting to the medical and psychological needs of the child. They say that Helen Sircar had strict rules, devised tough syllabus, did not allow mobile phones in campus, did not meet parents randomly, and had specific dates for the parents of every class. Parents!? What is wrong with you all? Please take your child to some Pathshala where the Principal would chew paan and talk to you all in person and Bangla. Why a convent school? The photographs that came out of the senior students rejoicing at the resignation and arrest of the principal are disgraceful. There is no principal who is loved. This is a general rule. But that does not take away the respect that the principal deserves. If people had complains, they could have done something earlier rather than taking advantage of the death.

And as for Helen Sircar, no matter what the media and fools say, I am neither ashamed nor afraid to say that the child who died had careless people around who should blame themselves for improper environment and lack in medical care of the child rather than blaming a single, strong and independent woman who looks after her child, mother and the entire school efficiently.  Shame on you all for the false accusation.  

I ABSOLUTELY LIFTED ONE LINE FROM THE LAST PARAGRAPH FROM A PIECE BY S.K.BANERJEE.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I turned back, I saw this hot girl dancing. I could not take my eyes off her and suddenly our eyes met. Embarrassed, I looked away. But how could I? She was burning the dance floor. So I looked again and caught her smiling. She signalled me to come. Yes! Me! With gentle steps, trying to match the class of my dancing queen I reached her. She came closer and started swaying like breeze. The aroma that she exhibited set me up to a level higher. Already high from a couple of tequila shots, I closed my eyes to take in the moment and before I knew, my one hand was guided up to her bare back. She was too close. Discomfort.  All over me. I pacified myself thinking this is what I have forever wanted. I hoped to fix a date at the end of the evening. She was just the sexy girl I could flaunt to the world. Yes. Within a moment I found her mouth close to mine. Hopeful that I was, I began to decrease the few micro meters that existed. But she took her lips to my ears and with seductive voice murmured, “Room 404”. She handed me a card and walked away to a new friend for another comfortable dance. I looked at the card. The details.

Driving down I saw this beautiful girl waving for taxi from distance. I stopped to ask if she wants a lift and moments later she was sitting beside me, blabbered her story of lost love and how she came to this city to find a job and be independent. I stopped the car by the coffee junction and tried the famous all-boys-are-not-the-same dialogues. She sipped the coffee. Her pink glossy lips! Her dark kohl lined eyes twinkled while she used the end of her yellow bandhni dupatta to hold the cup. I hoped to help her settle down and ask her out. She was just the sober girl I could take to Mumma. Yes. I dropped her to her cousin’s. We got down from the car, she came closer and I could only admire her perfection. She was tall and fair, well spoken, sensible. She was just perfect. Now was my turn to ask for the next date. ‘Pizza at 7? Pizza at 7!’ I was rehearsing in my mind when she said ‘Thank you! It felt so nice to meet such a wonderful brother figure so far away from home.’ Well. Right.

I opened the apartment door with my spare keys and there you were. Sitting on the couch with baggy shorts and my t-shirt which was definitely not your size. Without shifting your eyes from the TV screen you said ‘So no luck today again my speed dating sweet?’

'What the hell. How did she know?'

I nodded and sat beside her. She got up, brought me a cheese sandwich. I was so hungry, exhausted and comforted at the same time that I had to kiss her on the forehead. I smiled and said ‘Good company, good food and a good movie. In any order’ and she brought us a big sundae, settled on the couch, looked at the TV, and then me, and said, ‘I know’.

Sore. Throat. And.

“It's another to be looking over my shoulder for the next twenty years, knowing someone else would have done it better... someone else would have done it right.”

I remember sometime around first year, I wrote something about not being enough, right after deep childish introspection to these lines. From then to now, the doubts and questions would arise and get tended wonderfully. Always with the assurance that I bring what I must, what I should. 

Knowing someone else would have done it better, I could not be more grateful for the moons and stars all over the dungeon.

Speaking of moons and stars, there was a clear sky today, without going too much into true false assertions and meanderings, yes there was, after about four days. Leaving the weather forecast aside, it is the 22^nd of August.

Aunty's birthday it is. The woman I have admired all through the past 9 years. Here is to her and the Romeo and Juliet lessons of eighth standard when I thought I knew it all. Today, when the baby sister is still a baby in class eight, I realize that I really over estimated myself back then. Over estimation has always been a theme though.

Dear reader, yes there is no point to this post. I am rambling nonsense because I have nothing else to do. Joblessness you see. Joblessnes. The precap to what would follow a year from now.

Enough baseless nonsense for a day? Well yes I guess so. So you can go back and continue with yourself. You were wrong when you thought this might bring in some posimism (yes that word is self created).

Or you can just play this on loop

  

I will go down with this ship

The acting could not get worse 

The song could not be more perfect

"Janta hoon tumhe sahare ki zarurat nahi
Main sirf saath dene aaya hoon"

Sappiness or gloom. THIS!

=]

Happy Birthday JKR!

Seven books, eight movies and an amazing childhood.

Book One, Movie first, I fell in love once

Then the saga continued with twists and turns and new releases and then came
Book Seven, no movie and I fell in love all over again

Yes the dreamscape bit has been disappointing but that does not take away all that it offered.

The endless reading on the stairs, in the dark, right before half yearly. I wondered WHY they had the book releases right before some exam :D
And long discussions of how they have chucked major portions in the movies.

Today happens to be Harry's birthday too. So Hogwarts sessions start in next few days. I have wished all my life for an owl with a letter this time around.

"Until the very end"

^_^

I love you

When The Stars Go Blue

Caged Dove

“So what can you do for me?

What can you leave?”

“Anything you say my dear,

I aim to please”

“Cut down your wings would you?

Your freedom I demand”

“With pleasure I would

Your wish is my command”

“Stop bringing your songs to me

Your likes, dislikes, stories and rhymes”

“As you like it my mistress

For you, over a thousand times”

“I am not pleased yet

Your blind submission I need”

“All you get is all of me

I follow you lead”

And that would be

A story of love

Of a known dove

The story of love

Of a caged dove

-Abhishikta

Demanding and demanding more
Wanting and wanting more
Wishing and wishing more
Expecting and expecting more
Hoping and hoping more

Nevermind all of that.

 LOOK at this man

Starry eyed?
Drooling?
I am *_*

With the constant rerun after rerun of the same depressing (with all due respect) news that Maa watches on 'Aaj Tak' about Uttarakhand and the all so more depressing evening training all week at one end of the world, LOOK at this man!

Or may be this

Amazed?
Little less heavy?
I was.

And then you meet friends with their sad times. And they curse the dogs and go on about how the dog world runs. The before and after transitions, the know whats and know hows and everything that is pessimistic. How everything starts and everything ends and you are supposed to add 'too' to the dog theory and nod and not laugh and definitely not doubt. Doubt what and why and whom if you are wondering, I was wondering too.

You can also become jobless and ponder about a certain dialogue of a certain movie

Questioning?
Wondering?
Same pinch.

But  then there are full moons and Kolkata monsoons to lift up the spirit. How I love the monsoons with all the skin ointments that it brings these days. There are also weekend wonder classes where the ugly teacher suddenly looks oh so hot to the childhood friend. People are just weird.

So you can finally come home and you find CID going on

Seen?
Trolled?

Oh! You can also be happy about the price of gold. The price of gold has reduced by a fair margin and my mother looks very happy. Absolute comic events follow my home with the rise and fall of the price of gold as Maa wonders away how will I get married when and if I get married. Yes. Laugh :D

But with all of that, these also is

Demanding and demanding more
Wanting and wanting more
Wishing and wishing more
Expecting and expecting more
Hoping and hoping more

But,
Nevermind all of that.

Of Possession and Loss. The Stalker Song Eh!

Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay

I woke up today to very dark clouds bottling the sky by the bedside and smiled. Smiled because the last thought that occurred before the heavy night consumed me yesterday was how things might not be the same. How newness can cast away the old. How everything returns back in many fold, the good, the bad and the ugly.
Yes when you are up there from the ground, not on your feet, swept above. Feel free to trust. And then if you fall, come blame me for I shall blame myself too. Yet the rain comes off and on. Marks two extremes. Happiness? Sadness? Nothingness would rather be the answer. Till next time? Sometime soon?
I woke up today to very dark cloud bottling the sky over my city and smiled. Smiled because there are certain things that would never change. And then it rained.

“Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" -- Dobby (HBP23)

Socks!
That is all that there is to the freedom.
Dobyy gets to be a free elf.
An elf nonetheless but.

Free.
And he selects his new master.
To lose his freedom again.
Happily?
Merrily?