Cotton Curtains Forever!

 

Calcutta speaks to me through a lot of things, the latest one being, cotton curtains!

Amidst the satin and silk, the laced and layered, the solid color and dual fabric, I have always loved curtains of all sorts. However, today, I have put blue colored, footpath bought, cotton door curtains, through spring holders on makeshift wall nails, and nothing, nothing has made me feel so much like home than this, in a long time.

Just that at home, all curtains are yellow and red (The home shouts East Bengal!).
Cotton curtains are so much Calcutta, so much Amma bari, so much Jadavpur.

Cotton Baatik printed bedsheets to be appreciated, next!

Independence Everyday

 🦁🦅

Be fierce and fearless

This 15th of August and always.

Be unapologetically, you!

Happy Independence, EVERYDAY.

Jai Hind 🇮🇳

P.S. Canva is the new MS Paint 

Hold Back, Heart

Hold back, heart
Keep your guards up.
Filtered sunsets, unfiltered songs,
You know how things end, you know how things turn;
Don't give in to temptations,
This is where you stop!
Hold back, heart
Keep your guards up.

- Abhishikta

A Decade Since College Day1

 

10 years ago, today, I wore a maroon kurti, changed 4 sets of public transport to reach college. Day1.

10 years to hating and loving it. Pailan gave me my first flavor of true independence. Looking back, that orange-blue-white building which saw us jumping walls, breaking tube lights and missing bus for one more round of 29; has never been acknowledged. The cradle of our childhood, adulthood. Learning and growing up.

How much we mocked that place!
How much we wanted to get out of there!
How much we compared it to others, betters!

Today, looking back, there is a sense of repentance. Not about missing anything during college life, I still believe I had one of those Bollywood Blockbuster prospect college life stories; the repentance is not for giving Pailan its due.

So here is to the Alma Mater, less talked about, less liked, less thanked.

Pailan,
For the Bangla songs that I would have never known, the guitar that I would have never bought.
For the million mannats that I would have never kept, the interview night that I would have never experienced
For the stage, the dreams, the graphs, the poems.
For the best friends.
For the first love.
For SD16-S31-76
And so much more.

Happy First Decade
I have always secretly loved you.

আ মরি বাংলা ভাষা

 

It was just the other day when you asked
“Ab kya ho gaya? Muh kyu fula li? Bas call karna hi toh bhul gaya main”
And I had to smile and say ‘Arre, Koi Nai’
Arre Koi Nai kyuki I have no way to explain Obhimaan to you
That feeling of your heart tearing apart
That feeling of failure at a fresh start
The feeling of losing everything that ever mattered in a pinch, and yet, not really.
How would I ever explain Obhimaan to you?

It was just the other day when you asked
“Abbe gussa hui kya? Bas tera gift kiya hua coffee mug hi toh tut gaya”
And I again had to smile and say ‘Arre, Koi Nai’
Arre Koi Nai kyuki I have failed to explain Obhimaan to you
It’s not a mood swing
It’s not one of those days
There is a feeling that is not anger or remorse
There is a feeling that can change your entire day’s course, tiptoe-ing  into your conversations and staying, quietly
All along

Obhimaan

Languages can fail you big time
Languages which otherwise shine, can be so shallow to not accommodate Obhimaan
And Obhimaan,
Obhimaan needs time, love, warmth, long puffs
Obhimaan needs Cha aar fau phuchka
Obhimaan, needs Black Magic Bangla

It was just the other day when you asked
“Tum Bangaliyo ka mujhe samajh nahi aata. Pohela baysaakh toh matlab pub mein bhi saari pehenna hai? Awww! Amar sonaar bongla"
And this time, this time I did not respond because,
Because
Obhimaan

-Abhishikta

August.

Self pity

Rant

Repeat

People will talk of sunshine. You will speak of rainbows. Eventually, it might just boil down to a room with blue curtains, totally reflecting your mood.

Self pity

Seclude

Repeat

People will talk of empowerment. You will speak of dreams. Eventually, it might just boil down to the last midnight puff in the stock, totally reflecting your quota of happiness.

Self pity

Grey

Repeat

People will talk of forever. You will speak of faith. Eventually, it might just boil down to a shout in oblivion, totally reflecting your zilch audience.

Self pity

Sigh

Repeat

People will talk of staying. You will speak of moonchasing. Eventually, it might just boil down to 'Winner Takes It All' on loop, totally reflecting your life in general.

Self pity

Write

Repeat

-Abhishikta

Bari Jabo :3

When my biography is being written, please note, this has been a phase where I gave up on giving up everyday.
Apart from breakups, if there is another phase that deserves mention of fake smiling and working and not doing anything stupid, this is the one.
The Pujo sky does not help.
The fact there there is a clean room beside the terrace with yellow curtains and brown table and a swing where my ladybird must be placed in my hometown, waiting for me, does not help.
Ranting helps a little though.
How much money is too much money to live really? Time to quit and quit?
If I ever come out of this sane, better, I would do something significant.
Like all of my fuckups. I'm going to regret using that word few years from now.
Ah dear dear.

How perfect my is house :"(

Term Theme: One For The Memories

Line of fire
Want need desire
An endless circle of once more.
Walking the fear
Year after year
An impossible locked door.

- Abhishikta

Out of Stories -_-

Frontline!

Pranam: *Calm In The Storm*

Think of sincerity being personified, that is Pranam for you. Has been leading the club and making sure that every voice is heard, every thought is acknowledged. Someone the club can depend on, always. Pranam is an asset to the club.

Parixit: *Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman*

Young and dynamic. Has his own witty style to handle the toughest of situations. Startled the club with his presence of mind and slowly coming across as one of the most promising leaders who walks his talk, and hardly ever disappoints. Parixit is an asset to the club.

Mohan: *Shining On*

Made his mark in the club within a short span of time. Has appreciation for little things in life which comes across beautifully in his speeches. Taking his first step into leadership journey and already coming across as a smart leader and quick learner. Mohan is an asset to the club.

Pavan: *Infinite Loop Of Words*

Extensive talker and passionate toastmaster. He has a very clear take on life and is never afraid to express it. Courageous leader, helpful friend, Pavan is all things positive and all things appreciative. Ready to explore leadership and make his mark. Pavan is an asset to the club.

Suhas: *Best Of Both Worlds*

Observer and do-er, all in one. Suhas is full of compassion and kindness. He has shown amazing creative skills and is ready to take the world by the storm, despite being the patient person that he is. Never stops learning and never stops experimenting. Suhas is an asset to the club.

Paulami: *Born Superstar*

Talk about confidence, butterflies, positivity and everything bright and beautiful. Paulami is our inhouse sunflower who can light up any gloomy day by just being around. Grammar Nazi and helping hand for life. Paulami is an asset to the club.

Vivek: *Perfection Personified*

The  steering wheel of Stagecoach who has tirelessly, seamlessly directed the club towards perfection, all of it with a smile. The strategist who plans what is best for the club and puts in all efforts possible, to turn them to reality. His zeal for perfection is infectious. Vivek is an asset to the club.

Abhishikta: *Roar and Soar*

A lot of dreams, a lot of challenges, a lot of passion for a lot of things, all combined together to form this one tiny human. Trying to motivate people to Roar louder and Soar higher this term.

Trying to be an asset to the club.

Dear Bindiya

Sidekicks!
We see them and never watch,
We like them and never love,
Not remembering them is a different story altogether;
My humble attempt to pay attention and appreciation to such sidekicks who deserved so much more

Episode 1
Dear Bindiya

Graduation Day, etc.

Someone I once knew, used to say,
How it always rains on a specific day.
And it did
Today.
How I wish I could wholeheartedly pray,
For someone who just wouldn't stay.
And I did
Today.

-Abhishikta

Oh, and Happy Graduation Day :)

Chaar Kadam

Everyone is talking of being the ear. If this is the start of the change (which I doubt), the lost life brought in some purpose here (nomatter how mean this sounds).
Coming from a background that had seen a suicide due to depression at a pretty young age, mental health has always been taken very seriously in my family, thankfully. Even then, dealing with it is never easy, sharing it is never easy, therapy is never easy, accepting is never easy. I will not talk about how we can be of help to others, the social media has done that enough, I'll just talk about two ways, I could pull myself out of depression, just in case you're reading this, and you need this too, apart from therapy, the proper kind.

2015, I had hit a low beyond imagination. I'm still not okay to discuss why, but that is wherein I started 'Hapiness Program' by the Art of Living. No, not promoting any agenda/group here, but the fact that the Sudarshan Kriya helped me survive that phase has to be acknowledged. We talked of realities, sorrow, pain, and hapiness beyond all of that. Confessing to a group of strangers gave me the courage to talk about things, that I probably could not, to a therapist yet. That is where I started with the habit of acknowledging the privileges in life, from hearing the hell, other have. For anyone reading this and shying to seek medical help, you can start with the Hapiness Program.

2019, I thought I would not survive. I'm not even okay to think of the why, but this is when I started my Toastmasters journey, seriously. Writing has always been liberating to me, but I started to write dark, grey, black around this time, all the time. I felt the same in my head and heart. There seemed to be a no coming back. Toastmasters gave me a platform, where I HAD to write, think and speak positive. A place where every sappy story of mine could be turned into humour/inspiration speech, for my own sake! I took up speech slots, just so I don't think negative, consciously. Speaking to a group of strangers who never judged, helped me from drowning in my own grey. For anyone reading this and shying to seek medical help, you can start with the Toastmasters club.

Also, I'm always around :)

Aakar School

Another artist post alert, not.

This one's for the one who has been a drawing teacher for almost every cousin I have, which is a HUGE number.

For as long as I can remember of living in the red walled Ammabari, and many years after that as a matter of fact, Saturday 8ams would be 'aakar school'.
Basu sir would play the fm, mostly they would play old Nachiketa songs in those days, and we would copy one of this masterpieces. I would always make horrible animal portraits (I still remember making a Cow shaped Dog for one of the year end certification exams and Sir covering up) and Sir would eventually make an outline and tell me to try again.

Today when I picked up a proper drawing copy after more than 10years, I again struggled to make a cat. Somehow managed to put the back profile and somewhere I knew, Basu Sir smiled from heaven.

And just like that, half a decade in this city already, today.

My Heart! :(

A packet of chips made me feel privileged. I left it. I could hardly pay attention to the extensive Eid menu being discussed for Monday. Everything is making me feel privileged, everything is making me feel helpless and sick. I don't even want to get into the loss statistics. I don't even want to get into how useless I feel. I cannot even imagine what the blown away mudhut must have meant to Maya Mashi. I cannot even think how my house now look without the tree in front. Class privilege, yes.
Have been obsessing over Bengal videos and photos since yesterday morning. Took half day off yesterday since I felt sick in my stomach which in turn again made me feel privileged. I was empathetic for all Bengal leaders I had always made fun of.
To keep looking at the phone so that calls from home don't get missed because I cannot call anyone. To wait for news from a home that has no electricity, water or network for slightly more than 3days now. But to still know they're safe, touchwood. Privileged. Very very privileged. I hope this feeling of gratefulness stays and I keep wanting to help the poor and stop the privileged lifestyle even when this passes, if at all this passes. Thank God for a very privileged life. Also, God, please, STOP. Enough thrill already! I don't even. I can't even.

Stay Safe, City! :(

There was once a time when 'Storm Is Coming' was THE title and how I'd wait for opportunities to post it.
Adulthood check: Not a cool thing. Storm.
Figurative, Literal. Nada.

Also hindsight consideration: Stop not wanting to go back to Kolkata. NOW.

Kobi Pronaam and Protijogita Packet Missing

25-e Boishakh!
My wall is all colorful with songs, dances, recitations, drawing. Oh to be a Bangali! ❤️

I took a lot of breaks throughout the day to watch each one and pondered over the childhood Rabindra Jayantis at Shishu Robi club. My father and uncles were always very active members of the club and wanted to me show off my non existent stage skills, every year. And every year, year after year, I would go up on the stage, freeze, and run down eventually. Shesh puroshkar?
Protijogitar jonno luchi torkari and mishtir packet! How I miss the simpler times.
I've never really grown out of the protijogita packets. ❤️

With or without a performance, Kobi Pronaam ❤️

Would you tell him to fare very well?
And that when I said it, I was smiling!
Would you tell him wishes for wedding bell?
And that when I said it, I was smiling!
The world is ramping
The heart is weak
Together or alone
The lights are bleak
Would you tell him he is forgiven?
And that when I said it, I was smiling!
Would you tell him he is forgotten?
And that when I said it, I was smiling!

- Abhishikta

লাল সাদা গামছা

The biggest motivation to stay put here, without totally giving up, far away from home, is to go to the terrace in the evenings and notice the very many লাল সাদা গামছা all around the পারা।
You're not alone!
We're not alone!

Unishey April.
Bujhlen, bujhlen na, bujheo bujhlen na.
So be it :)

Ego boost for people who once made you live cannot really harm much.
So be it :)

Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace?

A mother, too blind.

A teacher, too kind.

Few comments, too grave to pass.

A son, too cheap,

A thought, too deep,

Why don't we teach at home, what we teach in class?

My Alma Mater weeps;

Make me a channel of your peace?

-Abhishikta 

Shine On

"The moon would always remind me of you", he knew.
The beauty,
The passion,
The  glorious compassion.
"How can the moon not remind me of you?", he claimed.

Years in between.
Locked-down, quarantine.

"How can the moon not remind you of me?", she wondered.
The grace,
The light,
The unapologetic bright.
"The moon can never remind you of me", she knew.

-Abhishikta

AMI BARI JABO :"(

Chocolate Pastry!

The lockdown has not been too bad on me (trying my best on the optimistic face). Except for the fact that I could not go home (the worries shall come later), I really am extremely thankful for the food on my plate, and quite a variety of it, the abundance of movies and the neck deep work which leaves very little room to get bored.
However, there definitely has been a lack of all things fish and sweet in Karnataka (privileged statement, I know, I'm sorry, really!). To add to this, there are these million Amul ads these days, where every sweetdish makes me hungry, cranky. I have been craving for a good chocolate pastry ever since the lockdown and tadaa, here comes Ns surprise at my door (not that I appreciate food deliveries at this time). Counting my blessings! I could do a happy tear sprinkle with my hunched back at this. Also, before I jinx this as well, like always. Tweedle dee dum

It's What You Do To Me

One of the first and favorite songs that was ever dedicated to me and all in a very relatable context was Hey There Delilah. Those were very sappy times, I was extremely Bollywood and hopelessly romantic. I ended up spending almost 10days obsessing over
"I'd walk to you if I had no other way", imagining that was possible.

Few more years the same song was again dedicated to me, in a very relatable context while I traveled very far, all by myself, and of course was mourning again. I ended up being very happy over "I'd walk to you if I had no other way" being dedicated to, since I knew she was not too fond of being called Delilah.

Today, it's just a song I sing, miles away from home, knowing I couldn't just walk to anyone.
However, it's what you do to me!
Totally singing it for AV, for pulling it through thick and thin (get the joke!) And everything in between.
It's what you do to me

Quarantining And Bored

I hate people.

I hate dumb people in particular. That includes most of the world so I hate people in general.

Expectations? Quarantine would be easy. But it is not. The workaholic madfuck that I've become, worked 14hours at a stretch for each of the last 3 days and yet the Quarantine is killing me.
I was also going crazy with every sneeze, cough, pimple, motion, headache, backache till today. At a point I was also thinking probably I used to breathe better before, but tomorrow would be the 22nd day back from Thailand, that mostly qualifies me safe for the world.

Forever grateful to B and I for bearing with me. Very irresponsible of me to travel. Accepted. Won't ever admit it in public.
Hence, controlling all the urge to buy one side tickets to Kolkata.

Okay, now I'm just blabbering in boredom.
Baseline, quarantined, bored, hence singing, and missing home of course.
Also, first rain of the year! ^_^
And very glad/thankful to be alive.

Cheese Omelette

Memories are funny things.
They come back in the form of songs, places, person, days, smell, touch!
For me, today, in the form of food.
Cheese Omelette?
Chicken Nuggets?
Priorities Dear Watson!

Boshonto

Spring is an emotion. Boshonto!
There is a particular "final exam" smell in the air. We would always have our school final term exams during Spring, post which there would be a long gap before new session starts. The evenings would be beautiful, after an almost summery humid afternoon. The tree right in front of my window would start its yellow flower distribution and soon, the terrace would become a bed of yellow flowers and dry leaves. The evening sky would have all colors red and orange. I would stroll on the terrace, peep outside the balcony, after my afternoon nap and before starting to study for the exam next day. Soon, Spring would lead way to Kalboishakhi, way before Boishakh, and I would just be happy!
Remembering Kolkata Springs on a Corona lockdown Bangalore, beside a tree with White flowers and yellow evening. Oh Spring!
Bloom in my heart, and stay longer 💛