Thursday, April 13, 2017

Good Job, Script Writers of My Life

Olivia said " Hindi cinema'r heroine naki tui" and I could not be happier at the compliment. (Because Hello excuse me, yes Sir, Bollywood runs in the blood).
So this has to have a flashback!

Remember that creepy serial in Star Plus at 10 these days that will give off the end and then run each episode in flashback? Like that. (Because Hello excuse me, yes Sir, Star Plus plays on mute daily for hours together in the room).

So the story being, today happened to be a very busy day at work since the firangs would go for their Easter vacation and hence the obvious deadline for all the handover, clarification, review and approvals. Add that to the birthday of one of my Bangalore lifelines. Attending to all of this hustle bustle, I also had a flight today, for poila boishakh because last year I had promised to the Mother that nomatter what I would be home for poila boishakh. What I meant was permanently settling there and since there apparently is a permanent dung on my face on that line, I had to atleast go. Because ekbar jo Maine commitment de di toh main khud ki bhi nai sunti. (I did warn you about Bollywood)

So that's that. Last minute cake cutting delayed by almost an hour because yes Sir, every team has atleast one person who has all the work at the last moment and delays the world, and people like me never learn (I hope my lead never reads the second part because he will have a dramatic affirming​ nod at it, but that's a story for another day). Now, time in hand before take off, 3hours and 30minutes. Somehow somehow cutting short the come-soons and I left off. People who know me knows I dislike walking fast, plus I had luggage, plus it is shit hot these days, plus heels, plus cloak room procedures, plus office gate to main gate is little more than half a kilometer. When I reached the main gate, time in hand 3hours 15minutes.

Now my usual confusion to take the cab or vayuvajra was not even an option but well well, "NO CABS", again and again and again. Finally a cab was booked which showed "15minutes away" and there came a VayuVajra so I took that after getting fried in the sun for 15minutes. Time now in hand 3hours, which initially seemed like okay-ish. Now say hello to Bangalore traffic which can suddenly happen anytime, anywhere (except for the usual spots of course) and for some alien reason, nothing seemed to move. A fellow passenger (who surely had more Bollywood in blood than me) started yelling, followed by crying, followed by loud prayers ( insert  dramatic ram ram Jai raja ram, ram ram Jai sita ram here,  and believe that today, I saw Ekta Kapoor's inspiration truly). Time now in hand, 2hours and we had not even crossed KRPuram signal. I HAD to to web check-in which I had not done because the plan as usual was to beg for some window seat to the left at the airport. 15minutes gone, still at KR Puram. Web check-in would buy me 30mins, 30minutes!!!

Here comes Pocha. It is almost like the scene where Pandit Gangadhar becomes Shaktiman. So in a world where ALL of my friends were busy and I was technologically challenged and technologically unarmed at the same time,  Pocha did my web-checkin. I finally knew why Pocha was born :P
Time now in hand 1.5hours and we left KR Puram. Roads looked clear till we reached Hebbal and wonder of wonders, Hebbal only had 5minutes traffic stop. Soon we left Hebbal and time now for the take off was exactly one hour. This is when the Shaktiman points that the boarding is in 15mins ( I wonder why suddenly the boarding time came down to 45minutes from 30) and I didn't even have printout of the boarding pass. If you've watched Boss Baby you will know, the corporate Boss would become a clingy baby without the power solution. So now Pocha'r Shaktiman-hood over and Gangadhar was back with all the stupid ideas and prolonged stress-the-world mantra. Exactly 45minutes to take off and dot when the boarding started I could see the airport but blame it on the Bollywood Kismat, traffic right there. So now I, in my my heroine-ism, took all the luggage and ran 500m long stretch till the gates. 30mins to take off and boarding started. I found a print booth outside while the line at the gate looked like about 15 people. Boarding gate would close in 10mins. Remember Ajay Devgan in Pyar Toh Hona Hi Tha? Ditto that with extensive bechara face to Kannada Aunties with  and Tamil Uncles I somehow made it first in the line to the gate. Crossed that and landed for security check where a lady had 6kids. SIX! Boarding gate closes in? 2minutes exact! Here I be the Genelia, pushed the Aunty with million kids, almost pushed my way through security check-in  to find Gate No 9 had no people. WHAT?

Now came the best actor in side role award winner in my story who said boarding is not complete. I ran  I ran. The muchhar uncle to check tickets gave me a look that said "You-kids-are-so-irresponsible". Somehow I made it to a packed flight with an annoying Mummy-child combo beside. I missed writing about panic calls from Maa but that would be a 10page write-up. The air hostess looked at my face and got me water immediately. So much for heroine-hood of mine. But I write this in my room, on my bed, beside the window from which moon can be seen while you sleep. The major inspiration to all the drama in the blood.

So now you know?
" Hindi cinema'r heroine naki tui"
Of course
:D

4 comments:

Emily said...

Yo woman I am good at web check in

Abhishikta said...

Such joy much wow :D

Sejuti said...

Oshadharon & hilarious too..😂😂

Abhishikta said...

Thankooooo :*