Wish You Were Here

The little nerd (nerd?) in me wants to build a tree to explain my current state, the parent node of which would be love. Then love would have a right child jealousy and a left child sadness. Sadness would again have a left child of concern and a right child of expectation. The expectation would have a left child hope and a right child tears. Hope would just have a left child happiness. Tears would have a left child depression and a right child death. Now, the luck monkey may (or may not) want to change this weirdly balanced tree to an AVL tree and start adjusting the nodes. How would it look then? The lack in me makes me want to spend the nighy trying to solve the binary turned AVL tree rather than sulking and weeping. Love may follow happiness in the final tree. That is the undying hope!

Now, the jealousy part needs a little more explanation for my own good but that is for another today. Today, I am just a little thankful for the Kalboishakhi and almost caring friends (colleagues) who clicked clicked while I got up to see the lighting all across Rajarhat from 7^th floor after a rather emotionally horrible day. Thank God for the rains! I have always believed that it has a strange connection with me, on sad days mostly. However, the sight and sound of Kalboishakhi is all the happiness that I can get for the time being maybe. Although I did fancy being a little more ket and sing ‘wish you were here’ and then I remembered, the smoke and fog are probably a bit too  much for my songs to travel far and wide, through and to the cloud. So, for the time being, I would just try to adjust the tree to an AVL tree, hoping to bring love-happiness together and include togetherness somewhere eventually. I am sure that is possible.

Happy Kalboishakhi everyone, near and far and very very far!  Wish you were here. Yes.

Such Perfection!

She needed a diversion, she needed a direction. The same old lanes, same old stories of the life that she now leads on a single ticket were becoming unbearable.

“Fancy reading my thesis on Crypto?” the dear old friend said, “You’ll get an idea of the kind of work the Universities expect/demand”

Thank God for friends. She was almost happy at the idea. After months of secret weeping and open sulking, she was actually looking forward to something constructive. She actually took the pain of downloading it. Single tap on the mobile screen and opened the thesis. Scroll certificates, scroll blank page, scroll copyrights, scroll dedications, scroll signatures, stop acknowledgements! The last line said,

I want to thank  Anjana, Ankur, Arka, Asif, Binod, Dada, Moulika, Mridul, Subhajit, Subhankar.

Off went her mind from constructive to destructive reading as she dedicated the rest of the day to staring at them being written together which she would probably never see again, not figuratively, not literally. Probably. Never. Anjana, Ankur looked so perfect beside each other. They did. They most certainly did. And they do. Such perfection, she thought, SUCH PERFECTION! 

Lucky?

There are very rare moments when I am not deeply submerged in my own self pity and sorrow these days. I have stopped posting for the while for the plain fact that I write the same old ghyan ghyanane shit, which, of course, matters not. I have become a jealous fat cow and that is bad. I look at people and their perfect life and off goes my fuse. So as I was saying, these rare moments when I am not sulking and talking to the sun are few, but they do come at times. Yesterday daytime had such rare multiple hours.

Two scenes:

Scene1: 7^th floor Cafeteria.            

This place hardly felt like office yesterday, not that it otherwise has the office-office feel while on bench, however, from TL to supervisors to ASEs, from no hair to grey hairs to us, the whole wide world seemed to be present. Occasion? India Bangladesh World Cup match! No, I am definitely not a sports person but these are scenes that you just HAVE to see! The entire floor clapping and banging tables, few standing, few sharing seats. India won! Yay!

Scene2: Ground floor Cafeteria.

This place was empty inside. The outside, that is, the glass walls all around the cafeteria had guards and gardeners and outside workers peeping in to get just a glimpse of the TV that played the match inside. When I went for a walk outside (yes I miss World Cups for long walks) I actually saw a Guard with a transistor inside his pocket to get the commentary while he peeped inside to see what he is hearing, only to run back to duty a moment later. India won! Yay!



However, yesterday is long over, so are my sudden feelings of being blessed, and this is MY blog and I shall dukkho away to glory -_-
OCD much!