Thursday, April 30, 2009

Am I Worth It?

strangely enough ... i saw that prerna has created a blog as well........ her first post says

"its for the one who is my inspiration of creating this blog...


abhishikta...this is for u....."










i am deeply touched dear..... and i keep asking myself the question all over again... am i worth it?

i mean... look at me??? short, ugly, fat, boisterous.....a loser who doesn't accept and therefore speaks random shit just to hide the deep dark secrests of being another dimbo.... am i really worth it all?



thanks prerna... today was one of my utter gloomy days but your post made me smile... thanks "hubby" :P hugs

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


I've always hated the two words.......girlfriend and boyfriend....I think it sounds really down market and cheap..........For all those with a ‘what an aantel’ look at me right now….. “my man”, “my girl” sounds just perfect.... don’t they??????????

wait a minute... don't even bother to answer if you don't agree because i hate arguing with idiots

Monday, April 27, 2009

I Wonder If This Is Love

I'M SORRY IF THIS POST HURTS ANYBODY... I RESPECT ALL OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS AND I KNOW I AM NOBODY NO COMMENT... I'M SORRY FRIENDS.... I HAD NO INTENTION OF DISRESPECTING ANYONE.... GOD BLESS YOU ALL... SORRY AGAIN
ok... this is something i wanted to write about long time ago but never got enough substance and i still don't have it but somehow.... i need to write about it..... the persons i'll mention the name of, please pardon me because i had no better examples.....


the following few things are tormenting me....



  • ok... sid is someone i totally respect for his love. he is truly, madly, deeply in love with decencydi.... god bless them....its kind of strange and really brings the lump to my throat to see their love suceed irrespective of the thousands of obstacles starting from sid’s mom to long distance relationship to what not… I totally respect their love but somehow I feel that sid’s side of love is way more…. I’m, sorry if you are reading this….but yes, I do thik you love decencydi more….i really wish and hope and pray to see them together "forever".... siddharth's one of the shortest bit of the thousands of notes and posts and poems and videos and photos says "its kinda hard trying to smile sometimes when ye know its gonna be a while before ye see the reason again!".... now i fell for that..... trust me, both of you deserve all that you ever want... god bless!!!
  • rik's recent post "...I was the one whose soul is being tormented by such ideas, by these ceaseless pangs, when perhaps she was oblivious to my absence, she perhaps was not feeling it as much as I did, perhaps she was not as restless as I am,..." now.... in their case, as amatter of fact i know that rik loves sayanee way more... nomatter how much sayanee get depressed and down after the shreya addya incident.... the fact that sayanee is an old friend and therefore more close doesn't change the fact that rik's side of love is far more... but yes, i know sayanee too feels deeply for him....so good luck to you too..... hope to see you together forever.
  • sangborto "abhi, aami ria'r shathe break up kore nebo"....." .... i was like wtf dude.... this must be the 110th time of your make and break up.... in their case... i was more concerned about ria because ria is deeply in love with him and i'm sure she won't be able to take it... in thier case... ria's side of love is greater and great.... nevermind... good luck both of you... and this time..... hope to see you happy 'saath saath or alag alag'... HAPPY DILSE..
  • i bet you would have slapped munnididi if you could see the way she behaves with "***" da ..... i mean look at him... ever so commited... the ultimate brother (in-law), the ultimate lover but no... her hopes and expectations from him never seems to end.... but they are together... commited.... though he seems or rather is way more commited and his 'babai' 's search seems no end...... i know she is my sister and i completely love her for what she is... i really pray and hope that i can officially call "***"da... jijs
  • "x"'s love for honeydi and her rejection was one of the most pathetic and touchy love story ever.... i won't write more about it since i should not.... but yes.... x's love really deserves a bow
  • look at deep, nerd turned poet and satabdi doesn't seem to care... i mean she does... but the practicalities are making her take the 'right' decisions which i would have taken as well but i (and i know even she) feel(s) bad for deep who is still counting on her and hoping for something thats impossible..... i know deep's side of love is poetically beautiful and satabdi's decision is practically correct... life is hard... may you two take the best decision... god bless!!!

ok.... i can go on writing about this forever since i have endless examples.... but my question is.... why is it so that in any relationship one side always overpowers the other? one side looks ever so commited and the other just seem ok to carry the 'baggage' of love? is it the sole reason for the attraction? and everything? why can't i see equal depth in both the partners? is something wrong with me... the never experienced moron in this field? or is it the normal nature of puppy love? why is it so different from the kind of love i always thought of?should i be happy being single?
i wonder why all good things come with a pinch of salt.... but yeah... salt or withou salt.... where's my DISH???

Thursday, April 23, 2009

hey i've passed... what a relief.... i'm finally going up to xii.... got 71 pc... yes......

YES YES YES!!!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

:(


"ei message eshchhe"............... my msg tone made me jump out of bed today at 11:00 in the morning.... noon.... whatever... its was from satabdi which said...

"janish dona xii e otheni"



ok... Dona is our friend who joined carmel high school in xi...... today they had their result and she was not promoted to class xii..... gosh... shit... hell... no!!!

what do i say.. i mean what am i expected to say... ok i've known dona for ages and i very well know the fact that she is not all that good in studies.... we all were shocked when she took up science but.... none of us thought of such a thing...... dona's boyfriend needs a good thrashing... he has been diverting her quite a lot... but hello..... the end of the story remains the same..... dona is not going up to xii..............




ok let me be honest here.... am not so much vocal today for dona's sake only..... dona's flunking in finals has made me shiver.... we'll be shown our exam copies tomorrow and what if i?????????????????????????

"kabhi waqt pe kabhi halat pe rona aaya

baat nikli to har baat pe rona aaya

kaun rota hain dusro ke liye aye dost

hume apni hi kisi baat pe rona aaya"



.... every year i do my bit of dhong saying "ebar pash korbona" but this time.... i'm really scared.... to the core..... i remember how every day i went to take the exams with a prayer to get a mininmum of 30..... but after the exams were over, i thought that i might pass but after hearing about dona .... i am depressed, scared and what not................ is there oxygen around you??? its nowhere around me.... i feel suffocated and semidead.... help me god....



all my bindas attitude has gone down the drains and i dont care ..... yes i'll burst out crying at any moment and am too ashamed to do so.....




this might be my last post............. if i dont write back again.... just know it in your heart that i'm dead (though i lack the courage to die and cry) but as for now.... please pray for me... "kal khata dekhabe" :(

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Election and Kolkata







yes.. as every body knows... i am in love with kolkata and every aspect of it.... but yesterday's "padajatra" of a political party irritated me a hell lot...i had to stand in the crowd for no bloody reason for about an hour.... just for the fact that her highness was making vote appeals............ and i missed my maths class.




now... i neither have anyting against any political party nor am i so damn 'nerdish' that missing one maths class is tearing me to pieces but.... hello dude... standing for an hour and listening to that crap sucks....
traffic jam, 'maramari', swearing at each other, false promises... aka election time at kolkata really takes away many smiles with it........... heal Kolkata!!!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Reunion








yesterday, 14th of april... we had our reuinon.... the whole of XB (2007-08) were supposed to be present and around 20-30 (expected) ones turned up.... the absence of Satasree and Sucheta shocked me (unlike the absence of many others) a hell lot... while many said "they've changed" i couldn't help saying, "how could they?" rather "thay can't"




never mind... we had a blast.... even the most insignificant figures of the class seemed such a good friend after so so many days.... Debosmita commented at Samragni and Jhilik's age old " behka hain mann kahi" and Adi's" hips don't lie" moves as " keo change hoini"..... yes... how true.......... everybody seemed just they way they were a year ago... when things were different.... when we were together for things like................



saving sejuti from punishments,

making up instant stories after breaking the blackboard thrice to mrs. bhuniya,

cheering during the catfight between Roudri and Sucetana, and so many things




i still remember how sad i was when my section was changed in viii but today i thank mrs. agarwal for doing so for it gave me wonderful friends and made shreemoyee as close as close could be (no puns intended)


now coming back to the long forgotten topic............



i had a blast... enjoyed every bit ofit and totally agree to Srijani..............

yes, we thought we love Dio and the past year made us hate it but after meeting LIFE we realised that it was not Dio we were in love with but it was US .... the tie which made us jump at the morning alarm which seems th worst thing ever these days, which made us laugh at our red marks which today gathers 'you are a bad girl' look

love you all.... muaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Monday, April 13, 2009



....... so here's the poem I was completely in love with after Madhyamik when I had nothing else to do but read and I read the two most wonderful books of the world.......... thanks Rik for writing your article which reminded me of putting this up.



the poem is by aPersian poet Saib-e-Tabrizi translated into English by Josphine Davis. The English translation is not a literal translation of the original.



Ah! How beautiful is Kabul encircled by her arid mountains

And Rose, of the trails of thorns she envies

Her gusts of powdered soil, slightly sting my eyes

But I love her, for knowing and loving are born of this same dust



My song exhalts her dazzling tulips

And at the beauty of her trees, I blush

How sparkling the water flows from Pul-I Bastaan!

May Allah protect such beauty from the evil eye of man!



Khizr chose the path to Kabul in order to reach Paradise

For her mountains brought him close to the delights of heaven

From the fort with sprawling walls, A Dragon of protection

Each stone is there more precious than the treasure of Shayagan



Every street of Kabul is enthralling to the eye

Through the bazaars, caravans of Egypt pass

One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs

And the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her walls



Her laughter of mornings has the gaiety of flowers

Her nights of darkness, the reflections of lustrous hair

Her melodious nightingales, with passion sing their songs

Ardent tunes, as leaves enflamed, cascading from their throats



And I, I sing in the gardens of Jahanara, of Sharbara

And even the trumpets of heaven envy their green pastures

-A Thousand Splendid Suns

“The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we're afraid. We fear we will not find love, and when we find it we fear we'll lose it. We fear that if we do not have love we will be unhappy.” - Richard Bach

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Chal koi ni yaar

say that aloud and MOVE FORWARD...

i'm disgusted with all the sad faces around me sulking about stuff that seems so damn stewpid!!!

Friday, April 10, 2009

Happiness... a boxful of crayons


I bought coloured pencils to fill my scrapbook and I am having the fun of my life being a kid again. It might sound silly but you will be surprised to know how effective it really is.You have the colours in your hand. Go, paint your sky :)

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Kuch Kam



i love this song... heard it after a long time today and the same old feelings rather the same old me just got passed the days when the worls moved much slower..... when the couples, hand in hand at the roadside were "cute" and not "cheap"... when 'du taka' were more than enough for "phuchka" and not the pizza at dominos... those were the days... as Ma fondly calls and while I make a BIG face while she does.... yes Ma, those really were... THE DAYS..




Kuch Kam Roshan Hain Roshni
Kuch Kam Geeli Hain Baarishein
Kuch Kam Lehrati Hai Hawaa
Kuch Kam Hai Dil Mein Khwaahishein
Tham Sa Gaya Hai Ye Waqt Aise Tere Liye Hi Thehra Ho Jaise
Kuch Kam Roshan Hain Roshni
Kuch Kam Geeli Hain Baarishein
Kuch Kam Lehrati Hai Hawaa
Kuch Kam Hai Dil Mein Khwaahishein
Tham Sa Gaya Hai Ye Waqt Aise Tere Liye Hi Thehra Ho Jaise
Kyo Meri Saas Bhi Kuch Phiki Si Hai Dooriyo Se Hui Nazdiki Si Hai
Jaane Kya Ye Baat Hai Har Subah Ab Raat Hai
Kyo Meri Saas Bhi Kuch Phiki Si Hai Dooriyo Se Hui Nazdiki Si Hai
Jaane Kya Ye Baat Hai Har Subah Ab Raat Hai
Kuch Kam Roshan Hain Roshni
Kuch Kam Geeli Hain Baarishein
Kuch Kam Lehrati Hai Hawaa
Kuch Kam Hai Dil Mein Khwaahishein
Tham Sa Gaya Hai Ye Waqt Aise Tere Liye Hi Thehra Ho Jaise
Phool Mehke Nahi Kuch Gumsum Se Hai
Jaise Ruthe Hue Kuch Ye Tum Se Hai
Phool Mehke Nahi Kuch Gumsum Se Hai
Jaise Ruthe Hue Kuch Ye Tum Se Hai
Khooshbue Dhal Gayi Saath Tum Ab Jo Nahi
Kuch Kam Roshan Hain Roshni
Kuch Kam Geeli Hain Baarishein
Tham Sa Gaya Hai Ye Waqt Aise Tere Liye Hi Thehra Ho Jaise


- Dostana

Phew!!!



" H.S. needs your tears, sweat and blood”

i heard that long long ago from Gathadi and now I end up saying, "how true"

Abhishikta's Law


well... this initially was a hypothesis which was finally transformed into law coz it was proved several times..... the law is,
"Opposites attract but they don't make successful couples"
now don't ask me further about it... the examples will kill me otherwise... right Satabdi? and Munnididi? and everybody?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

A Happy Me


...

...

...

Kuntal: ... ar ami biswas kori je Kichhu likhte hole seta Sukh-pathya hawa uchit...
unlike your last blog

...

...

...

...

Kuntal: Some slangs etc.... Personally ami erakam kichhu sabda use pakhapati noi...
Good-writer kachhe erakam expect-o kori na... Specially amar boner kachh theke to noy-i...

...

...

...

Abhishikta: got it i guess.. "i was in a shit deeper than ever"? bolbe to

Kuntal: "(wondering at my standard... fuck off nerd)" what does that exactly mean? Exam-e ke kato pelo at least amar kachhe seta important noy... but I was really shocked at the word selection standard... Ami ektu-adhtu Hugo pori.... Shobha Dey marka lekha digest korte asubidha hoy... Ar hya tui jeta opore ullekh korli, seta-o

Abhishikta: huh.... gud 2 c sum1 reads it atto bhalokore... laugh... really... m happy... really....
i told u ota porona
Kuntal: Porlei ba ki jay ase... Ami to toke change korte bolchhi na... Gyan-o dichhi na.... Just bolchhi je personally amar bhalo lage ne... Ektu hayto shocked-o hoyechhi... Kintu seta ekantoi amar byaktigato byapar.... Bollam to Tor jadi mone hoy it was 'OK' then its OK









and i m happy.... i'll write 100 more slangs for that.... "wondering at my standard... fuck off nerd" ;)

yes... i should be sent to ranchi.... i know it... i always knew it.... i'm just making you say it all over again... lol

Monday, April 6, 2009

For Want Of A Brother.......



Well, my need, want, desire for an elder brother is as old as old can be.... yes an ELDER one.... and this desire was lost in some corner of my heart but yesterday


we went to bordipishi's place.... while returning, guddudada and i were slightly behind everyone. Guddu dada pulled me saying " Guria ei deke aay to re" and came to my right.. later i realised that actually a few roudy boys were coming on their bicycles all the way whistleling and singing....
this small and normal act really touched me... generally i face these situations alone and face no problem at all...i mean at kolkata.. 'jhari mara' is so bloody common but nobody ever protected me that way... really....

i always wanted an elder bro...
i mean who does not like

  • mejdamoni's sentu dialogues and words which will make you feel important and wanted which is a rare thing for me.. the later part
  • sumandada's care which made him walk all the way to a very long distance just because tumpadidi wanted mehendi for herself at 10pm or begged to her to but a goldbracelet of 50000 bucks just because she said "dada eta ki shundor na"
  • long hours on cycle (childhood) and bike (now) with chintudada and his 'secret' stories of ever changing girlfriends and other stuff ( not to be disclosed here)
  • siddharth bhaiya's care for sushmita or his anger on hibadi which so vividly shows his love

now... i dont really know why i wrote this and this makes no sense to me... now when i read it again.... i know i am insane....

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Friday, April 3, 2009

Where Are They

  • Aritri's nonsense staring and senseless parts
  • Ritwika's moodswings and dual emotions
  • Satabdi's khimchi
  • Sayanee's mannats and cardiganless winters
  • Indrani's long hours of class studies and our frustrations
  • Nisa's kilos and kilosof noodles
  • Tanya's skirts and our regular source of humour
  • Aditi's 'lesbigiri' and our comments
  • Rituparna's bhao before simging
  • Aratrika's papiyatalk
  • Balaka's dancing 24x7
  • Payel's slangs
  • Soumita banglabhasha
  • Debjani's sarcasm
  • Dona and Dipannita's jodi
  • Sania's confidence
  • Tulika's overcon
  • Anushree's dancing
  • Sanghamitra's innocence and at times too much of it ;)
  • Prerna's nagging
  • Bidisha and Proma's 'fangiri'
  • Monalisa's aatlami
  • Sanchari's jealousy ( she got the highest in madz though)
  • Atreyi's sense of humour and everything
  • Samragni's choreography and rajarshik stories
  • Srijani's 'ma giri'
  • Upama's 'dadagiri'
  • Shalini's boyfriendtalk
  • Satasree's smile
  • Megha's friendship
  • Tulika Suchandra's being 'ramgorer chhana'
  • Anasuya's help during exams
  • Ria's insults
  • Debolina's disgusting acts (i hated them)
  • Shreya's 'hairnoodles'
  • Shrija's jharu
  • Sucharita's basketballs
  • Sejuti's stories and excuses after getting caught
  • Ipsita's laughter
  • Sudipta's kisses
  • Debbithi's over the top acts and inlis
  • Jeshmi's porashona :P
  • Malini's 'bhater golpo'
  • Debosmita's 'vinit..........'
  • Sucheta's helping almost everyone with projects and labfiles
  • Sampurna's face during maths exam
  • Trina's food attacks
  • Amrita's nautanki
  • Nikita's 'ghash'talk
  • Anwesha's ingriji
  • Ria's bhat
  • Shrabasti's simplicity
  • Protiti's confusing bhat
  • Shreya's wonderfool marks ;)
  • Sapna's handwriting
  • Imrana's kheer
  • Raina's crying
  • Nikita's dance
  • Zeenat's forthright attitude
  • Nitu's presence
  • Aradhana (evything about her)
  • Shreemoyee and 'babygiri'
  • Moumita's one in a month presence
  • Sangeeta's breakups
  • Shreya's tiffin
  • Sayoni's rings
  • Ankita's 'scientistgiri'
  • Anindita's 'my heart will go on'
  • Madhumita's madness
  • Roshni's 'L'
  • Khushboo's marks
  • Samreen's fights
  • Priyanka's 'tum bin'
  • Pooja's extra pounds
  • Ashabari's 'assberry'
  • Upasna's odissi
  • Piyankna's dailogue 'ei baar first hobo'
  • Arpita's 'biriyani smell'
  • Anindita's hairs
  • Tapamita's bhat
  • Shreyanka's 'i am a good girl' status
  • Poulomi's kicking Ria
  • LIFE


The world is a better place with a knowledge that you exist somewhere in it

Thursday, April 2, 2009

THE SESSION THAT WAS...






Exams are up... yes they really are... phew... and a sigh of relief... or may be not....



ever since i stepped in class xi, there has not been a single moment of pure joy.... i know i have been out of touch with books this year like never before but... none of the past years have been more depressing.



The session started with 697 which gave Ma a permanent disappointment followed with depression and more depression of everything that happened... studies did not make sense... it really didn't and the feeling of making the biggest mistake of my life by taking science and listening to them made life worse..... first term passed and BINGO i flunked.... in chemistry in second term.... i mean i flunked... it was very much expected though but even then, accepting it was tough.... trust me, science is not for me... never mind... life went on... with huge piles of books silenting gathering more and more dusts and swears....


casual flings here and there was another important thing... while almost every other guy seemed 'not bad' , i kept asking myself... have i really turned that cheap.... thanks to shreemoyee and satabdi who came to my rescue and presented a longer list to confirm its normal and natural... we are young girls huh...


school has been tough... with catfights, partiality, princi vs students scenes but the two most prominent events of my life happened as well


1. M.s. Jahan got married and left kolkata... this was the worst thing that could have happened... the latter part i meant... nomatter how much we try and promise to keep in touch and be as we are.... DISTANCE IN NO WAY MAKES HEART GO FONDER.


2. Mrs. Sengupta left Dio and joined South Point... yes I HATE south point... its more of the 'grapes are sour' case here but i hate the school and mrs sengupta joined it... i mean how could that be? miss was ALL IN ALL for dio... any function, programme, meeting match, anything... it was mrs sengupta all the way.... dio without her is incomplete.... we were so so proud of her.... reliable sources confirm that she had no other way to save her self respect but... REALITY BITES... and it still is hard to belive of dio without her....
leaving dio had become the newest trend this year... with mrs. ghatak(the best history teacher?) joining dps, mrs sengupta joining sp, derek sir leaving, mrs jahan and samantha miss (my favourite in the primary section) leaving off for dubai... and who not... every teacher who made dio stand out left it...... dio started going down the drains.... princi is in australia for the past very many months... mrs lionel is running the school (successfully though) but... things are no more the same... but i LOVE Dio.. no matter what... it made me what i am today... good bad... doesn't matter.... so ma... i was right to tear off the patha bhavan's form to join dio.... yes i love princi as well.... inspite of everything... i know i am biased


we went to hydrabad and had beautiful 10 days with miss jahan (last few days) and everybody else... it made me a different person
i broke some loyal hearts...i really did... i know i was selfish... they probably deserve much better things in life.... good luck!
i have become extremely superstitous... ma says i am being abnormal... let me admit it here... i did not let them wash my clothes during the exams but ma finally landed her palm on my cheek and threw the stinking school dress off in the washing machine.


my aims changed like seasons (as always) with mbbs and engineering and mass and com and law and psychology and what not.... at the end of every dream the key was always extremely hard work and so... I GAVE UP ... i know i am shameless .. it doesn't even bother me...i just feel sad for MA



and finally.... FINALS dude.... gosh....preparations were worse than ever.... i studied like mad in the last two weeks (as always) but this year was different.... the books seemed impossibly huge.... i was almost sure to repeat the year... thankfully... all my superstitions worked.... all my papers were good enough to get a 24 (wondering at my standard???)

last exam brought the big shock of practical exam a day after.... yesterday was chem practical and today was bio and physics.... thank god... they went kind of well.... i made the stupidest mistake ever in bio... moron me... sir said " it is good to know yourself" mean comment but bio could have been better... finally xamzzup.... finally got a chance to land my ass infront of the comp.

all in all.... session was .... ah wateva!!! but yeah as ma puts it, i ruined it the most. a dangerous game will soon begin from next year again... well only if.... i pass.... fingers crossed but for now..........

CHEERS :)