31.10.2013

Woke up to the age old ‘Ik teekhi teekhi si’ on the local cable followed by 2 States on Star Gold! These are the days when you try and put up a straight face to whatever that is there and still bear to stand up and tall (?).

It happens to be 31^st of October. Remember? The day I was made to believe that dreams become reality and it is okay to dream. Two years, few cheap lies, upfront insults and a million experiences later I am still alive and not dreaming anymore because there is no point.

I would not even delete my last post because it would constantly remind me of the boot licking nonsense that I have (had) become. Thank God for friends before they all become too busy with their respective families and kids of course. Or Bangalore eats me up. Sir was up in fumes at my blog leaving. Sir I love you! :*

Another thing which I realized is, leaving the blog was a little bit of escapism. You start becoming the person you love slowly slowly and this cheap stunt at escapism of mine made it clear. THAT is not me. So here I am, the non quitting self, back to business. This time, more silent, more patient and with a little more self respect than ever before.

And I shall not give up on anything, or anyone, or myself. But will not ghyan ghyan to the world anymore. Not in the blog at least. And no biye talks. There shall be no biye plans because there will be NO biye and no baby naming (which happened to be ‘Hreed’), adopted or not. Nobody needs to know.

Note to self, again and again, The world is harsh so shut up and deal. Also, this is my last ghyan ghyan post. Nothing shall ever come on in public anymore, to save people of guilt, because the last thing I want is sympathy. Since today is 31^st, I’m allowed to do ‘THIS’ for the last time.

Shubho Bijoya everyone.

Happy 13^th (?) Anniversary Dibhai and Neelkanth da. I am very very proud of you. And happy that there still is such love, somewhere at least.

And NOW,

Let’s get back to business ^_^
Forever and ever and a little bit more!

Signing Off

This is my last post. Thank You everyone for hanging on to my shit. In some other life if I get back the light you might see me again, or maybe not. However, I had a brilliant time and am going to go through all the old posts across the blogs again and again for the little and only source of happiness that is left in my life. I hope they stay. But you are not going to hear from me as it stands. For how long I cannot exactly tell. Forever? One day? A week? A year? Forever? Depends on my desperation and when I say desperation, I exactly mean sluttiness. Anyway. Tata.
God Bless

:'

Bichharnewale Mein Sabkuch Tha, Bewafai Na Thi :)

A rather dramatic title because I AM a rather dramatic person with a RATHER dramatic life. And it has been long established. And I am beyond caring. Also because Fawad Khan looks the hotness that he is while a beautiful Urdu song with these words play on screen and he gives a blank side profile in black spectacles and grey jacket. Ufffff!!!! *_*

But the original topic that I wanted to write about,
Of Being Classy and Gifting Chocolates,

These days, I get dollops of cheek fat even at the mention of the word chocolate. However, this post, other than testifying my lack is also about this interesting discussion with Amit about being Classy. The topic started when we finished our lunch, I ditched my fruit bowl, for overpriced chicken, like I did for the last few days, because it is Navratri :D
So Amit HAS to have a coke after chicken, the borolokis I tell you and the consequent fat that I get. The foodmart inside the Cafeteria has this nice chocolate section which got me completely lost in the Green rum and raisin temptations because of a certain April evening two and a half years ago and Amit knew why, thanks to my extensive ghyan ghyans and also since he had to buy chocolates for his date today, I got lucky too. I further ate his head on the art of gifting chocolates, especially on a date and/or after being rude, especially when Abhimanyu is on vacation and I absolutely have zero female company at office, what else can I possibly do about my idiosyncrasies anyway. The poor man suffers my ghyan ghyan silently or not! :”D

The original reason for visiting the mart, Coke, as in the liquid. Today I was stern on Ami Khaboina (Ankita will be happy to know) so Amit got himself an overpriced can over pet bottle because? 'Can Classy lagta hai, ladkiya dekhengi'. And thus started my hour long discussion on, Classy can nahi, Classy insaan hota hai. I do not think he, who spends every weekend at Delhi for a reason which directly contradicts the reason for which he left early today understands. I am not saying I do much. But one thing that my middle aged existence has taught me is the fact that Classy is not in show offs, that iphone that you have, that bullet that you ride, the thin waist that you grab, the car that you take, the girl that you dump, the rings that you smoke, is NOT classy. Not caring is not classy. And most importantly, TRYING TO BE classy, is so not classy :)

That was all about it.

Quick gyaan bitoron. Did you know that every day of Navratri has a different color? This eventually started off as dressing MataRani in that colored Saari and later of course everyone started dressing up in the same color. Today it was blue, yesterday it was Red. If only the roommate told this to me (rather than Blue pehen Pagal) before I went all green to office today to find a blue world! :P

And,

WaistLength Hair, Check! ^_^

Bela Sheshe?

When you're too numb to write about a certain movie with a certain 'obhyesh' dialogue which reminds you of Dida-Dadu partly and partly makes you sad for yourself. A far away Mahalaya and probable homecoming suddenly reminds you of the probable meaningless to it all.
I wish I had the luck and company to watch this movie properly rather than the hall print. However, wow!
Shaarod Shubhechha. Bhalo theko.
Baki jaai e boli, bojhar khomota karor nei r ki. However, tumi robe nirobe. Literally quite. Sigh.

One Year of Slavery. DrumRolls Please!

When Ankita reminded Diptarka about our ‘anniversary’, he thought it is her ‘prem dibosh’! The fool that he is. So, 8^th of October, our one year anniversary at Accenture and it already feels like a lifetime. From losing people I love the most (no exaggeration there) to getting people who love me the most (a little exaggeration there); it was quite a remarkable journey, both personally and professionally. I regained (wait, regained? Such a gawar I am man!) Sir and Olivia in this span somehow :)
So this is going to be a very long post and I may have missed people and scenes and episodes. Also, you may excuse yourself from reading such a big post and do yourself a favor.

October- The month I joined Accenture. I still remember on Choturthi morning I got this mail saying the joining location will be Kolkata and excited I called A, who was more interested about ‘thakur ante hobe salt lake theke beriye’. Well! 8^th of October was the day after Lokkhi Pujo, Dida and Maashi were supposed to go home that day. I wore this peach formal shirt which was heavily scrutinized by Maashi, early in the morning. Both Maa and Baba accompanied me to Sonnet. Rituparna was the only one I knew a little from the interview day because both Angana and the other Rituparna joined Bangalore and Suchishmita ditched Accenture for Wipro. I was bowled over by Debarati Dutta who seemed so smart and perfect despite her not so perfect structure. ‘Free Food at a posh hotel’ was the highest high for the day. They served this one strange Ice Cream on mousse something that day and I was so happy. I came home with mishti doi for Dida that evening before she left for Bilaspur and that happened to be the last day I saw her, the last time I bought her something. Then there were these sessions at Swissotel where I saw Rai over the Ice Cream counter during lunch, serving, and I did not know how to face her. It was a very very awkward situation where I learnt the little professionalism that I know now. It was the month when I met Ankita Guha over the amazing Shreya Talwar class, we were ‘THE ACE, first to the Zenith’, it was also the time when we absolutely hated Diptarka and DK for the ‘one-a-bees’ and the pakamo that they were constantly doing, it was the time Rituparna pulled me to show this ‘bright red shirt wala oversmart chhele with khub sweet girlfriend’ who was also discussed about by Ankita and Shalini over free food, it was the time when I told Maa at Ruby mor that Ankita Chowdhury would never become a friend because she smiles too much. Past the initial honeymoon period, started our class with RajShekhar Babu. Kaustav and Atreyo were quite the entertainers and I could not help laughing all the while. Anuradha sat beside me on day1 GFT where she introduced me to this ‘shamne bosha forsha meyeta jaar naam Isita bhishon bhalo code kore’. She of course changed the seats later beside Ankita C. Guha and I were hitched for life with Bhookhi and Abhinoba beside us. Thus started our Croissant Days of CMC and also the KFC sessions kal theke taka bachabo bhebe bhebe. I remember Ankita explaining every small Java code with utmost patience while I always kept looking at her and wondering ‘ ei meyeta eto shokale train e kore esheo eto shaje ki kore’! Little by little I realized Diptarka is such a sweetheart! The extended Antakshari and Dumbcharades sessions because Rajshekhar thought ‘someone is keeping count man!’ fueled in a lot of chhichke prem and strong friendships. It was the month of my first salary and the horrible nigh when Dida left us all. It was extremely sweet of A to stay up the entire night with me, on the other side of the phone, before I told Maa the news at 4am, even though there was an early morning Kochi flight to catch. It was also the only day that gave me the only major disappointment from him which I won’t be able to tell him why sadly. However, first salary day and month which I celebrated alone because people I love were away. Then came 31^st October, one remarkable year in another tangent went past alone again. However, I was having fun with the sector V life which was quite an important thing the wishlist, the id pore lunch khawa office paray and all that jazz.

November- Another important month! Saari and Diwali photos introduced Susmita Misra, the billi eyed, forsha, high end other section girl who was Chowdhury’s friend. Guha’s initial take on Chowdhury was changed completely, as per my prediction and thus started some amazing girl bonding. GFT ended and our last and final people skill classes were at Hyath! Tadaaaa! Our girl gang almost bagged all the prizes and Diptarka kept swearing at our trainer. The lady however, gave us a few very important love and life sessions! So the entire GFT batch shifted to Trijal while we, the lucky (?) people got Unitech! Oh did I mention the lafalafi Diprtaka, Guha and I did at Oracle apps declaration while Atreyo was hell bent on ‘Java holo evergreen technology’ with his specific accent. I so wanted SAP which Chowdhury, Susmita and Anuradha got but I was just happy, java toh paini, thank god! I was a little jealous of the ABAP people and Ranita was wondering why Susmita is happy with ABAP and Chowdhury rather than being sad about losing her and Oracle Apps. At Unitech, our sole Rajotto was hampered by this other high end group I did not know of. I was a little angry initially at Diptarka who seemed to find his soul mate in Ranita, Raja, Pratip, Moubashshir and Soujita and we did not know them! However, slowly tables turned, days passed with horrible frustration at Abdul Chacha and we started to find solace in each others’ miserable state. Also, I flunked. First time and then second time. And my partner for life, Guha, stayed beside! It was this time when I first ever had my tears in public. It was this time when people came back from Kochi, the time when Nandaja came back from Gandhinagar and I got to know the awesomeness of Rajputs! Isita and Ankita stayed beside me rock solid during those days of continuous failure, Aunty went up to the extent of going to Rajpur Mandir for me, very very sweet of her because I was going mad. Poor A did not know what to do and hence treated me with Ice Cream whenever I failed. Somehow at last attempt GFT we passed and first attempt at stream test the ENTIRE class flunked. We of course celebrated it with ice cream while I sulked and A tried cheering me up, somehow. Poor man sacrificed the weekend meets and food and movies because I, had to study and I of course frustrated the one and only with usual job pressure and general pressure and what not. Well.The mandir runs with Maa and mannats continued.

December-After much drama we passed the stream! Yay! Ankita actually danced when she saw the ‘P’. I cannot even begin to thank Hamid-da for it. The SAP ABAP, SD, Testing and Java groups had already started coming to Unitech and we could not wait to join them on bench. Raja’s birthday inaugurated our bench period and this period changed my life forever. December was when Babuida got married and I was extremely happy. December was also when Ankita broke up and cried her lungs out while the blue man was seen in and around Accenture campus leaving the TCS building behind for afternoon walks. There were many movies and too much gossip and more shopping and adult talks around this time. I spotted and was proud of the Diocesan connect with Fullora who headed KDC pretty much and pretty well. The proxy ITP attendance was on and it was also the time the Friday musicals started. I realized the new and wonderful side to Aniket rather than his usual swearing around this time. We voluntarily registered for training because we had absolutely nothing do! And 50% of the salary was spent on food. The cafeteria people started to know our orders even before we could say. The 5^th floor canteen sold amazing ice cream and mousse and it became a ritual to eat and watch the pretty sunset every evening.

January- January took away all the colors from my life. The cafeteria that saw me chirping and snatching desserts in the evening now only had me staring at the sunset. The Rajarhat sunset from such great height is a breathtaking view. I do not remember crying that much and being that thin is a long long time. Ankitas, Isita, Susmita and Anuradha were as patient as possible with me because I had literally stopped talking, back then. Diptarka and Moubashshir almost pulled me out of the Endeca training and spent the evening explaining at the Breakout area. I remember my condition and Diptarka said ‘next time thot kapte dekhte ek chor lagabo’. Oh how much I love these people. A got his job around this time and I met the one, the last time, like old times, in January itself. I also met Tuhinda for the first time. I knew it was the start of the most haunting year of my life. Baba was sure I am suffering from illness but then, the Friday evening musicals brought me solace. I remember postponing the Karunamoyee mela and smiling wide, after a long long time when Chire and Aniket did the brilliant ‘Kokhon Tomar ashbe Telephone’ and the entire Rec room clapped in awe! We missed the bapida’r momo that day. It was also the time when I drowned the little self-respect that was left and begged.

February- February was like a little happiness pixie dust in my otherwise gloom. A joined work, did not care to say Bye of course. I was introduced to Barua in February, the local hero teamed with Ankita for the TT tournament and I saw very little of Ankita that month. We again registered for Hyperian training and the sad heart low weight disgusting person that I had become, I needed a holiday. I remember discussing this for the first time with Raja and Diptarka. The plan was finalized in the class and off we went. Barua of course agreed for certain reasons and it was this trip that I got to know him better! On the way back Titoo broke the news of Kaustav Mohanty’s last stage cancer. I was shocked and sad. He passed away a few days later and I MUST admit here that we had a little of mutual jhari relationship for a few months in class 11 before he went absolutely nerd. The final TT championship happened after Bakkhali, Barua won and I got Mousse and Pastry treat! The mixed doubles went down the Hoogly but Ankita still bagged a prize with Nita di. It was around this time that we became friends with Joyda! SUCH A WONDERFUL MAN. I started idealizing him and his story with Heena di! Jeet and Raja and Ankita started teaching me TT this time itself and Guha started complaining about no carom tournament. Her expert carom stunts brought her one million ghayal admirers! Soon it was time for Graduation party. Ankita and Annu put up the most spectacular dance performance, and Chire sang his patent baul gaan. I shouted my lungs out, danced away to glory, such was my sadness. Anuradha had tears, while Urmish went for MBA interview, when Kaushik sang ‘naa tere bina lagda jee’ that night and I noticed, I just noticed, and sighed at the lyrics. GFT party was the last time the entire batch of 100 was there together and the terms of everyone with everyone was normal. Soujita accepted Atreyo’s proposal formally that day itself. Ankita C drove us to office to Ecospace to Ruby and Shiva went you girls must call me back when you reach-a. Anuradha got an admirer who wanted to help the poor lone girls. Bleh. Anuradha left for Pune soon enough. Their little romance on the last day on the last seat of the bus broke my heart a little. Wet-o-wild saw us too.

March- March had world cup finals and a disappointing scene in the cafeteria. It was March when Barua left (and we missed the fish) and then Ankita did. Women’s day was celebrated and I can still hear Aniket singing ‘sun-ri-sakhi’. I don’t think I’ve heard something so beautiful, live, ever. EVER! Ankita refused to perform and later she realized it was a mistake. The Pune gang was ready to roll. We had a tough time arranging and agreeing at farewell gifts. I started to wonder who will ever listen to my ghyan-ghyan and not say bad things about the one since Ankita was going already. The only good thing about March was that Neel was back on track. He apologized and waited and did everything he could to win Ankita back. I remember being secretly happy because the rest of the people were still very skeptic about him. I knew things would be more than perfect once she leaves for Pune! March was also the time when Ankita and I sang horrible songs horribly and beautiful songs horribly as well. Guha became the carom expert. While the ABAP people started getting projects, we started to freak out at the Oracle Apps fate this time. Towards the end of March, it was just us and one empty bay. Joyda converted his religion from TT to carom. I started to talk more. Isita was happy at this little improvement and Susmita was sure I shall get what I want; it was just a matter of time! Pritwishda joined KDC and people of the bay went dhak dhak! The Vajra guy also joined KDC and the bench was again full of new people. The Friday musicals started to decrease. People started to get serious and we were still stuck on oporer chicken sandwich na nicher chicken sandwich. I think we watched the dangerous Roy this time. I did all that I could to keep my brains away from the obvious. And read old messages and chats and diaries at night. I looked like shit. Guha’s nayansukh for the Chakraborty guy went strong.

April- One fine morning we were called to a meeting room and the news dawned. Cross training. To? JAVA! I told you the year has been horrible to me. The only stream that I hated so much welcomed me. Raja, who is a sheer Java genius, looked sad as well. The smile that Soujita had because Java=Bangalore=Atreyo created two groups. It was April when Subhayan and I collected our certificates and formally ‘Graduated’. The poor tall man had to tolerate a lot of my drama and request to collect the certificate for the other tall man. It was the month I saw the man I love after long, all so thin, malnourished and changed. April was when the Java classes began, April was when Raja and Guha dedicated their life to explain the codes to me and I could not get a thing, until or course Diptarka and Isita came to their rescue. April was also when I realized what gem of friends I made. April was when we had the earthquakes and we were ready to die together, minus the poor Chitiya Kalaiya Susmita who was still at Unitech while we were sharing Tiffin and eating at Trijal because there was no food around. April was when the Java trainer almost adopted me and I almost killed him with constant haat dekhiye Sir mera! There was a CSR event where the KDC team met. There was Basketball and color and fun, and an exam in a week and also, I was the TL of the group and was shit scared. April was also when the  19^th made me howl. 

May- We passed we passed and I love Guha for all of it. Got back to Unitech and projects started coming. I got the project first, Bangalore. SHIT I was still hopeful that others would get Bangalore too but then, Barua had a prophecy that I’ll get Bangalore and someone I want to stay in the same city with will get Pune. People started getting projects and mostly they got Bangalore except for the friends who got Pune and Mumbai. May was also when KDC Idol happened. While Aniket sang sang ‘aoge jab tum’ I was very close to tears because Diptarka and Ankita probably got Mumbai and then he got Pune and Raja and Isita got Pune and Susmita was at Bang8 which is almost Mysore and all the project phone calls came during that one song. Susmita left first that month next Guha. Diptarka, Isita and my last day was same. I remember Nandaja and Raja seeing us off at the Rajarhat bus stop that Friday which was also Ankita’s second day at Mumbai. Raja gave us chocolates, he looked extremely extremely sad that day, also because his project dates were not confirmed and he was left alone. That was also the last time I saw Nandaja, the amazing woman! May was when I left for Bangalore. May was when I reached and hated Bangalore. May was when Maa left for Kolkata. May was when I needed a phone call, THAT phone call which never came. May broke me down completely.

June- Raja left for Pune. I ate a lot of cake on the 25^th, visited ISKCON and got some peace and lived by the mercy talks of a certain someone all through June. Shifted to PG, cried my eyes out on the first night. Slowly started accepting. Missed Maa and people immensely and finally learnt to eat alone. Joined GYM and stopped going after a week. Started bonding very very well with Amit and Abhimanyu surprisingly. Sejuti introduced me to the girls and I got people to talk to after the day. I learnt to use washing machine! Had my first ever washing powder, scrubber, shampoo, biscuit, vim shopping. Almost made plans to resign every alternate day and Abhimanyu always calmed me down. June was also when I started to feel scared because Amit speaks pure Bihari at times and I started picking those words. I also started to understand little of Marathi because of the dear roomies. Visited places alone, did things alone, listened to songs alone and all the love around made me super jealous in June. Got relocation money, variable pay and felt rich for 2 days before I booked one million flight tickets! Barua’s prophecy almost was true but then, things changed and I was a little happy.

July- 10^th had me crying alone and drinking with office people, the first ever professional party where no one cares what you drink, how much you drink. In the evening when I was telling THE story to Sejuti she said ‘tui ki ektu kadbi?’ and I got calls from Ankita and Isita and Susmita and Barua. Guha constantly pinged if I was fine. Such great friends I made!  Well! July was also when I travelled to Kochi and it was my first travelling alone, in all these years. Met people, met aunty, and heard a forever known voice over the phone. Lovely food and place and a bad news. I had a good time and there is a post on that already. I started gaining weight. Again got back to GYM for a week and finally left the idea completely. Started planning for Goa seriously and wondering if I should cancel Maa’s tickets to Bangalore and visit Kolkata instead. Office kept on frustrating me with its politics and dirty boot licking all around. Promotion not before 2 years was/is the rumor and I hated everything.

August- August was when I travelled at 2 in the morning to Shivanasamudram and I so loved the night ride. It was also when I went to Mysore with the Infosys-Infosys-Infoys-Infosys chanting auto walas everywhere. There was HUGE scene with sign forging and I finally went home for birthday. Maa hugged me teary eyed at the airport and the 4days passed in a jiffy and I was back to the land of show offs. The girls started to cook every weekend and I started gaining more of weight. The consistent missing and love and losing continued. So did the office woes.

September- September was when Goa happened and Mangalore happened and I shall write separate posts on both. However, the Goa night scene which I don’t remember and which I am ashamed to give details of, gave me the best of people in my life. The less I say the better it shall be however, the KDC friends, for you, a thousand million times over. Thank You! One million photos are there to talk of the happy times and no photo of the actual times of warmth. The Thank You mug that I sent to the guys was not even an inch of compensatory gesture for what they did. Not that I want to pay off for the genuine friendship. Wait for a separate Goa post! Mangalore was a tiny little fairyland in the middle of nowhere and if my life continues like this I might shift to Mangalore Infosys at 40 and live alone. Wait for a separate Mangalore post. September was also when a new heartbreak happened by the same old person inadvertently. September was also was when the same person gave me a little hope inadvertently. In reverse order. September was when Chowdhury tolerated my drunk calls, September was also when I loved so much. September was also when there was little confusion in the group. September was also when I started counting my days for Pujo.

October- The little of October that is gone has been spent checking Fab India kurtas which would be of no use of course. Also, everyday is a struggle because they might cancel the leave, like they did for Barua. I was almost ready to resign today over Lync right after they almost cancelled Abhimanyu’s leave. Such slavery man! However. One Year  it is! Had this job not been there would have been no male ego, no being not-good-enough thought and no main aur meri tanhayee drama. Good thing or bad, Happy Anniversary. High Performance? Delivered?

Year 2 Begins! 

For the broken souls in and around me :)