heroes do break down... people do change... priority makes a packet of us all and amidst all the loudest of laughs (all thanks to olivia), the silent musings and mournings get hilighted and we hide them again from ourselves for ourselves...

P.S. too much of sugar around I hate

I find them immensely hot and nobody else does

I CARE?

Kill

But I could not find you

Cause if you hadn't found me
I would have found you

I would have found you

The magic man and I wonder how the love we read and dream about differs from the love we see around.

Let them hold the hands tight
Let them hear the silence of the night
Let them rise in love my love
The love that will soon be out of sight

while dozing off at the computer class sir started reading my old english copy where an essay said "Destination IIT" and it is an essay on very many things where i basically ridiculed the 'I' that I have become...

Kids we were, kid I was and now, as Olivia says, *********'r chorom ami... the 'ami' that is me

Itne paraye jo ho tum 

Pehle kabhi bhi nahi the

Mere jahaan mein gamo ki

Tum toh wajah hi nahi the...

Let's call the whole thing off

and the friday evenings still brings down that urge to go grab the black pens (two of them), give one to my feMALE  and start chitchatting at first bench, laugh out loudest when someone fails to answer, stay absolutely quite even at the stupidest questions. I have started to detest fridays.

There is a guilt of not meeting the 'father' we made, there is the question which i never answered, "ashamed" word from me still disgusts her and she says he loves me still...

To the man whom I LOVE, to the woman whom I LOVE
You two gave me what I lacked the most, a father a soul sister...
I Love You
The more I write the more it will seem like an understatement

Thank You

Lay a whisper on my pillow
Leave the winter on the ground
I wake up lonely, is there a silence
In the bedroom and all around

Touch me now, I close my eyes
And dream away...

It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out

Make believing we're together
That I'm sheltered by your heart
But in and outside I turn to water
Like a teardrop in your palm

And it's a hard winter's day
I dream away...

It must have been love, but it's over now
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without
It must have been love, but it's over now
It's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows

It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out 


-Roxette

"Hey it's good to be back home again..."

 And someone says “I’ll still stay at hostel even if I get through ***” and there are others rather most of them who longs and longs and longs to get back to home sweet home all the while during their off and on bohemian stays at hostel.

So, is hostel life better than home? The hostelites would deny (except for the “fun” part) while the rest half would find the grass greener on the other side… but there are there are smiles and pictures I see when people get back home after so many very days which I don’t see otherwise… distance do make the heart go fonder and it always helps in a way when you work off and on towards a goal and you know that all the suffering will end up at home in a few days and that, keeps you going except for the “lucky” us who can’t stop taking things for granted… except for me who is yet to learn the values of the crazy woman.

Take Me Home, Country Roads...

okay so the newest hush hush is all about the "new" zodiac signs... my first reaction was- 'nonsense'.
this is how it supposedly is


Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 – March 11
Pisces: March 11 – April 18
Aries: April 18 – May 13
Taurus: May 13 – June 21
Gemini: June 21 – July 20
Cancer: July 20 – Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10 – Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16 – Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30 – Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23 – 29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29 – Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17 – Jan. 2


and my reaction yet again is... NONSENSE!
I am a VIGRO. that's it.
i wonder how does it matter? this might be utter crap and might not be... the hypocrite me will shout out loud, "how on earth does it matter" but... i AM a virgo!
still

Over sized tee!!!

after a lomba day and sayan's poem ka book which arose many questions, google saved my mind.
here it is
magi is A caste of priests, philosophers, and magicians
maggi is pearl and a name

MAGIC!

Chhoti chhoti chhitrai yaadein

Bichhi huyi hain lamho ki lau mein

Nange paer unpe chalte chalte 

Itni dur aa gaye hum

K ab bhul gaye hain joote kaha utare the

Edi komal thi jab aayethe

Todi si nazuk hain abhi bhi

Aur nazuk hi rahegi

In khatti mithi yaadon ki shararat

Jab tak inhe gudgudate rahegi

Sach, bhul gaye hain joote kaha utare the

Par lagta hain k ab unki zarurat nahi

-Udaan

Ab unki zarurat nahi

Kyun k bachpan se thama tha apne nanhe haath mere

Ladkharaye the jab kadam sahara diya apne

Dekha hai pyar apke aakhon main

Jab aansu aaye aankhon main mere

LAu pe chalte aaye hai aur chalte rahenge

Dard na hoga mehsus paas jab tak hain aap mere

-SC

to the one who wore maroon every time i wanted her to
i love you
god bless

The magic man speaks

" I am not in love with him, I just love him too much"

and this statement during a random conversation deserves my bow :)

Ta she jotoi kalo hok
Ami dekhechhi taar kalo horin chokh
Krishnakoli mai tarei boli

Sometimes I feel like a sad song
Like I'm all alone

- John Denver is GOD

a walk in the cold
evenings around the jheel
aloor chop and cha
circles of smoke in the air
guitar off and on
gush of wind
butterflies of .... whatever
holidays
movies
so much around

but its still so cold

and after every exam maa calls me these days to ask if I'll pass or not...

grades.. marks.. GPAs... she has stopped expecting things I guess...

and am I supposed to feel good about this?

less pressurised?

P.S. my answer to Maa is never 'yes'

Let there be LOVE

Kaise... kahein... hume kitni mohabbat hain

Kitni mohabbat hain

Rehna tu...

was dying to play iktara... barabari asha aar ki...

nevermind... i was in awe and shocked at the text received a few minutes ago by the silent girl... 

she actually took the pain of texting the shanghatik solo piece which i requested her to send me knowing the fact bhalo kore that she hates playing anything while looking at the diary, she has problems with the string-fret combinations being written down... i know it was extremely selfish on my part and if i would have been her, i wonder if i had done the same to such a jata request... thank you so much and as i told you aage...

tomar j ki hobe?

and someone slap me for commanding and being a such a big fat bully

and sir, eto bhalo bhalo na

arnabda did wonders to my confidence today and so did sir

ki bhalo bajay shobai

Of aims and wishes and reality...

First and foremost, Happy new Year everyone...
The fist day of the year made me super happy. As I logged in to fb I smiled at the friend request sent by Antara. Now she is no best friend of mine but I know her from class X mock tests at Shubhrashish. Then we joined and left two tuitions in class XI and XII together because the teachers never made sense... we were below average.

Now the point of all this is, the first thing I noticed at her profile was her info. She had been out of touch for the last few months, her number changed and nobody knew what she was doing and where she was. Okay so the college column says "Symbiosis Law School, Noida"
I called up the best friend right then to tell her about Antara. Why? Because I was numb.

Okay, Antara had science in plus two but she always wanted to be a lawyer, she always wanted to do her llb from symbi. She is one of the FEW friends (Protiti-MBBS from CNMC, Debayudh-JUDE) who is doing what she always wanted to do.
Most of my friends are happily studying whatever they are studying... but somehow doesn't go to the college they wanted to go to or studying what they wanted to study (names not required)

I remembering dozing in NC's class with her. While the class gulped down the IIT ka porashuna, Antara had her bluetooth and was amogst the few of us who gave a damn about the nonsense going on. The last thing she wanted to do was Engineering, Lawyer was something she dreamed to be... and she made me very proud today... very