Mr Tambourine Man! Play a song for me.

100 days!!!

It will be all party and happiness in the next 100 days in this part of the world while I probably would be sitting with strangers or alone, eating things that I don’t like and missing everything because. Ah. And the funny part is, nobody else would miss me back during that specific time.

I AM at my pessimistic best since yesterday for various reasons and the things that go on absolutely fuel the mood. It is like the fate monkey throwing the rotten bananas at me.

Nothing, NOTHING depresses me more than rude talks and rejections and here I face both off and on. I was not prepared for this bit of life after college to be very honest. What I imagined was patta from here there everywhere because you feel and are grown up and a graduate (almost) but I see people judging me for my “biyer boyesh” and “chakrir boyesh” at every social gathering I go to and I leave all to the distant future with a smile. I have been recently rejected at an article because I was not good enough at a place which gave me a leetil hope until the denial of course. I have also been endlessly waiting to join the company that still gives me hope, although end September-October will see me crying and complaining. But that is for later. Recently I have also been introduced to the politics that happens professionally and Maa happily told me to learn to shut up and speak when spoken to or need. I mean WHY! Why so much of this and that. Why can I not ping and pang like I always do without the slightest bit of doubt and fear. Why can I not exactly write what my problem is, at this point of time which makes me write this vague shit. I will so break down or break away I swear.

The good things? Little mercies in life? Yesterdays cycle ride back home in rain, fully dreanched through the almost empty lanes, after a long long time, which again freaked Maa out because it is like everyone is suffering from Viral. I also loved the back strokes yesterday where I could see the rain drops falling right on my face ^_^

That counts? For all the nonsense that life is giving me? Am I asking for too much? Maybe.

It is the 21^st of June this year and before I sulk away to glory and forget, last year today was veeeery sweet. I left my specs at a distant graam called Sonarpur during our summer training last year on the 20^th evening and as always, was all sad about it. So, on the 21^st morning the soon-to-go-abroad-man called me to meet, pretty early in the morning, and I thought it was to say bye bye. I was so pleasantly surprised when he handed me the specs back. He went all the way back to Sonarpur early in the morning, sacrificing his morning zzzz, to get my specs, gave it back to me and rushed off to catch his bideshi flight :D
Sweet that was! And I was so touched. Why can I not name him? Because I am supposed to behave in a specific way to please people and I am also supposed to say things keeping in mind how those will affect the future of people and mine. And what not. I am so sick and tired of everything. I so needed a holiday.

That was one 21^st June and today is another. Many things have changed and many did not. The love and care and affection from two people that I get, I should be eternally thankful to the omnipresent for that, yet, I think I deserved a little more. Or, maybe not. The rude talks and word slapsticks atleast could be avoided God? No? Sigh!

Oh and now I remember, today also is the birthday of a girl called Priya Mukherjee who was so smart and cool that I used to totally idolize her back in school :D
Happy Birthday :)
I miss school so much. SOOOOOOOOO much!