Baho Manorathe Sacho Abhisare Pehlu Sunil Bes
Kaajra Nayane Saagaje Bayane Kusume Sajanun Kes
Sakhi Hum Mohana Abhisari Jau
Bolo Hum Etat Sukh Kaha Paau

Have been cranky all day, all night and I suspect would be all day tomorrow.
Have researched Rituparno Ghosh all day for a TMOD role tomorrow and looped over songs. Rituparno Ghosh has been my all-time favorite Dukkhobolashi where he breaks our heart to a million pieces with a pink hammer, really!

 

 

 

Jamunar Paare Gahana Aadhare Ghanar Pavan Majhe
Piya Se Tha Mor Bedana Patar Mohe Laage Baithe Aache

I have pondered so much over the fact that so much of his work has stark tinge of Brajabuli. So much of his writings are from the perspective of Radha, so much of his words are of loneliness, biroho. When he said “Akele hum Nadiya kinare”, when he said “Mathuranagarpati kahe tum Gokul Jao”, when he said,

 

 

Sakhi Chir Abhagini Hum
Baithe Ekakini Pohano Rajani Tobo Nailo Shyaam

Shyaam! How once Radhe Radhe Shyam Milade ruled my world too. When I prayed and wished and hoped and waited. And waited endlessly. The story of eventually, literally, meeting Shyam and how it is something I do not wish to jinx somehow. Touchwood.

 

 

Sakhi Chir Abhagini Hum
Krishna Kaajare Pighala Sajare Nayaner Neer Dhare
E Kathin Patha Brutha Manoratha Biphal Abhi Saari
Sakhi Hum Kabahun Na Abhisari Jau
Dukha Laaj Etat Seh Nahin Paau

The song totally breaks my heart when she calls herself “Chir-a Abhagini”. The tale of endlessly waiting. When the heart knows the wait is forever. I wish I had not watched Chintrangada first time when I was in college and naïve. I did not understand the perspective then; of pain, loss, acceptance, peace. I do today? I cannot tell! I try do.

 

 

Brutha Manoratha Sacho Abhisare Pehlu Sunil Bes
Kaajare Nayane Saagaje Bayane Kusume Sajaanu Kes
Phir Aaju Mohan Abhisari JaauSakhi Bol Etat Dukh Kaha Paau.

A day wasted, and yet not.