Goodbye my lover Goodbye my friend. Not forever. Never. See You Soon. Maybe.

Today officially ends my continuous staring at random people all over the city, especially the Kalikapur connecter and then Safui, every evening. Yes, I do dislike surprises but this particular one would not have hurt. I do not know if I should be happy or sad about the harsh truth that I would no longer turn back at every known street of South Kolkata hoping. I was never as disappointed as today. I had a pretty amazing evening before all of this tearing me apart though. I must not complain, I must not complain.  

The customary alternate Friday evening sessions did fill my heart with the little happiness today after a rather difficult day, yes. Such lovely live jam would take your heart away as well. There was also this pre-evening secret session at one of the meeting rooms, because one of us would be off to Bangalore, by choice to his special one of course. All the boys started off with Bela Bose and then came the scenes to me

Empty early morning streets a year and two months ago when I heard the same song and I have never been that touched

Busy streets around two weeks ago when I was sure I would hear the same song and I have been living in hope since

Yesterday Gaurav’s BIIIIG smile at the Pune hardlock because ‘6 saal se peechha kar raha hoon uska ab toh saath saath’

All these young men who sang Bela Bose today made me numb. I definitely saw a teardrop somewhere at the meeting room today. I kept on wondering how many of them have claimed and sang this song. How many would sing the same songs again somewhere someday and how many would actually live upto the claims once made. I do not know if I should be saying this but I have actually started to be very very jealous of people. I keep on thinking my life was exactly like theirs, maybe even better. Chasing is never good they say. Sigh.

So.

Goodbye my lover

Goodbye my friend

I have never stooped lower. Neither would I ever reach up to the level of ever so tall you. No wonder why! NO WONDER WHY! However, I live in hope. Of a ladder coming in or heights bending in. Hope is a destructive thing they say. I hope they are wrong. I hope.