Since the competition decided to fail me, I shall publish this here!

Title 1: Bhaibba Komu, suggested by Sir (without reading)
Title 2: Anarosh, suggested by Titoo (without reading)
Journey Inspiration: Ankita Chowdhury

Destination Inspiration: Prajakta Yadav

Photo Courtesy: Raja Mukherjee

THE

‘So you’re sure that you do not want me to accompany you for this trek?’

Ishaan was not taking my decision to travel alone to the Valley of Flowers too well. This is the fifteenth time in the last 3 days that he asked me this question and he of course knows my answer!

‘But why Meera? You will have 9 other unknown people in the trek and what difference would it make if I accompany you? I am your boyfriend for Christ’s sake!’

It is not that I do not want to explain the reason to Ishaan but I have explained the same old logic fifteen times over,that I want to travel alone, without the subtle ‘protection’ from him. We live together anyway, so, taking a solo trip for a few days will not change anything about ‘us’.

‘Are you even listening Meera? I am talking to YOU’.

I finally had to lift my eyes from the book and answer, ‘Baby! How many times will we discuss over this? I would be FINE in the trek and we have had many romantic trips together. I want a single trip now !!!’

Ishaan did not look too happy and I have not seen him making such a dirty face to me in a long time. I knew he is angry but I do not see a reason why.

‘No Meera, this time I am not going to give in to what you say. I discussed you’re travelling alone to Mumma and she is offended. The daughter-in-laws of the Avasthi family are dignified women, they do not travel alone with other unknown people,Mumma said’

This made me totally leave my book away and look at him in amazement!

‘Okay then,Mister Ishaan Avasthi,ask your Mumma if the daughter-in-laws of the Avasthi family jump into bed before marriage? Or do they aid the men for their booze? And you my love, never ever forget, we are not married yet!’

‘And we would never be if you continue this attitude of yours Meera! Look! I’ve told you nicely and politely, but if you cannot understand that way then let me tell you this, you either go to this stupid trek of yours with me or you do not go. You have five minutes to decide or else, I leave you and this house, TODAY!’

This took me back to Hyderabad bus terminus 5 years ago.

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‘But you’llbe a single girl travelling! Alone!’, the ticket master said with extra stress on ‘ALONE’, as he tried to enquire on the ugliness of my face and the firmness of my breasts through his one look.

‘So give me a seat beside another lady and that solves the problem’ I added instantly, too disgusted with his eyes looking down on me, which looked as if it could scan beneath my pink shirt.

‘There is no other single woman Madam, the ladies of India travel with family. You too should not travel alone like this’

Too irritated with his moral policing, I shoved the money in, took my ticket and went towards the white bus that would take me to Pune, to my brother, who recently moved there for work. I took my window seat, there was a 9 hours journey ahead and I was sleepy. I saw families all around, the men trying to arrange the windows, the women making bottled milk for their babies, some cuddling to the potbellied husbands. I brought out my headphones and watched the bus terminus. People in lungi were selling chikki. I bought a packet of Chikki for my brother from the bus window. By this time, a man who looked a few years elder to me, in loose yellow Kurta, came and sat beside me. The bus engine growled and it was finally time to start my first ever long distance journey alone.

The vendors slowly started to fade away from sight, Hyderabad looked beautiful in the night. Coldplay’s ‘Yellow’ filled in my ears, the breeze was just perfect and my eyes felt heavy. It was a tough day at work and I came directly from my office to the bus terminus, I was tired and I needed sleep. I do not know how soon or late I felt asleep, I think ‘Suzanne’ was the last song I remember being played on my headset from that night before I was fast asleep.

Shreeeeeeeeek! The bus pulled down.

My eyes were still heavy and I was still tired. It took me a while to understand where I am, the normal thing that happens when you wake up from deep sleep. The mp3 player was playing ‘Zingadieksafarhaisuhana’, and before I could blink my eyes I realized something heavy on my chest. In the micro second between my realizing what it is and what was happening, the heavy hand shifted brushing past my nipples, quite understandably. I got cold with fear and disgust. I looked beside. The other hand of the man beside me was covered by the Kurta lines and there was movement, obvious movements, ugly rhythmic movements. The time stopped for me and I did not know what to do. I wanted to shout, I wanted to scream and slap him but not a word I could utter. I was choked, I do not know if it was anger or fear, but I could not say a word.

The man suddenly got up, the demon smiled and raced towards the door. The bus had already stopped at this place called Satara. He got down, and I was still in shock and disgust. Within moments the bus pulled in and he was a random figure in distance who had shaken my soul forever. I did not know if I was more disgusted with the man for doing what he did to me, or with myself for not speaking up for myself. I hated myself at that moment. All those classes of women empowerment, all those slogans of self-help since high school has all gone in vain. I wanted to vanish away that moment. I have been touched and felt by a man while I was sleeping and I did not slap him, I did not say one word! The bus started to take pace and suddenly I was reminded of my mother’s worries when I said I would be travelling alone from Hyderabad to meet bhaiya, Daddy told me to keep on calling him after every few hours. The ticket master, the chikkiseller, the married woman in the front seat, the uncle at the back seat, were they all right with their looks when they realized that I have no father, brother, husband, boyfriend or any other “MAN” to protect me? Is the society right in thinking that we, as women need support because we are too sublime and because we cannot stand up for ourselves. And what have I done to prove them wrong? How would I ever face myself I wondered but there had to be a way.

It was very close to morning, I could see the morning light. One of the kids in the bus started wailing for its mother to attend to it while the father snored happily. Is this going to be my future one day? Isn’t this my present as well? Silent submission to whatever the males do, no matter whoever the male is? And in that moment, I decided I will not let this incident hinder my self-confidence.  Yes, I have been a coward, yes, I did not stand up for myself out of fear but this was the first and last time ever in my life. I promised to myself, I would never ever submit to anyone ever. I will not be afraid, of anyone or anything. I am and shall forever be, a strong, independent and self-sufficient woman!

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I observed him carefully as he walked to the door. I knew that time was running out but suppressed the urge to check my watch. I took a deep breath and started counting in reverse under my breath. "Ten, nine, eight, seven..."

I do not know how much time has passed since Ishaan’s ultimatum. Has it been five minutes already? I think it has been, because he has already turned towards the exit door of our flat. Should I stop him? But why should I? The promise that I made to myself that I will never give up to the oppressions of any man, come what may, whoever that man is, will have no meaning if I give in today. All of that because this man I love would share his surname with me some day? I understand that he is concerned and I would have loved his company but this trip I want for myself and he should understand that. At least he should not have given me the ultimatum. The smirks of the man in yellow Kurta has haunted me, left me broken for days and today, I think I am an independent strong woman and I decide how my life is going to be, at least after that night. Or am I not?

I observed him carefully as he walked to the door. I knew that time was running out but suppressed the urge to check my watch. I took a deep breath and started counting in reverse under my breath. "Ten, nine, eight, seven..." What should I do? Should I stop him? Should I let him go? There are just three more steps between him and the flat door and after that I will lose him. Or wait, he will lose me instead? I was numb. These are the moments in life when you have to act and react, and this one action determines your destiny, you create your own destiny during moments like these. This is it!

“Ishaan” I said, and as he turned around I quickly added, “Goodbye!”

I observed him carefully as he walked to the door. I knew that time was running out but suppressed the urge to check my watch. I took a deep breath and started counting in reverse under my breath. "Ten, nine, eight, seven..."