Exactly 4 Years Sincle I Wrote

THIS :P

Olivia messaged,
Ei dupure e kono ek time eh sidd amay hothat text korechjilo “tui shob kichu k joke keno mone korish”

Tomorrow is another 31^st January, probably after four 31^st January-s in between, after that epic mid Lake Proposal, still going strong, because, maybe there are better things than to just give up despite the plethora of difficulties, and, maybe just because one has better choice does not mean one has to make and take (this one literally) it.

I always thought that they lack in a lot many tangents where ‘we’ did not, but, time and again, I have been proved wrong. By them and by truly mine, of course. Bas itna hi bolna tha! Post PIP lost weekend afternoons can make you mad I tell you, even though Sidd remarked “unjhand it” at my “zindegi jhand” comment, how easy is it? I wonder!
Of course you don’t, with all that you have and chose.  Maybe I should not have skipped TFI final round after working so hard for it. But then, not all mental, physical, emotional investments are rewarded you see? Who would know better?!

Ah

Also, Sidd-Lol, Happy Four Years in advance :)

HOLD ON till you can and beyond.

আহা বইমেলা

আজ বাংলায় লিখছি। কেন? কারণ বই মেলা টা বড্ড মনে পড়ছে। 

সেই প্রথম প্রথম মা এর হাত ধরে শীতের ছুটিতে বই  মেলা যাবার একমাত্র কারণ ছিল ওই ফোয়ারার পাশে দাড়িয়ে খাওয়া বা ওই আকা গুলো দেখা। 
বাবা এই দোকান ওই দোকান বই দেখত, মা রান্ডম নিউসপেপার ষ্টল গুলো পাত্তা দিত আর আমি চেষ্টা করতাম আর কি। আর আকার বই কিনতাম।  আসছে শনিবার মনে করে সেটা আকার স্কুল নিয়ে গিয়ে শো অফ করতে হত যে।  সবাই এ করত বই কি আর তারপর শুরু হত পরের কয়েক মাসের বাসু স্যার এর আকার রসদ ঐটাই।   

তারপর আসতে আসতে বাস থেকে মেট্রো থেকে ট্যাক্সি থেকে গাড়ি ট্রান্সফরমেশন এর সাথে বুঝলাম বই মেলা'র আসল মর্যাদা. মা বেকার ভয় পেত জ হারিয়ে যাব, 'এদিকে যাসনা, ওদিকে যাসনা, হাত ধরে থাক!' আহা!

তারপর শুরু হলো বাড়ির লোক এর ছাড়া অন্য লোকের সাথে যাওয়া, কিছুটা কারণ মা এর পা আর বিশেষ সঙ্গ দিত না, কিছুটা কারণ বন একদম ই এসব পছন্দ করেনা. তো হলো বন্ধু এন্ড প্রেম এর হাত ধরে বই মেলা।  ময়দান ছেড়ে সাইন্স সিটি।  ফোয়ারা হওয়া কিন্তু সেই আকার লোক গুলো আর  সেই আকার বই এর দোকান রয়েই গেল। সাথে জুরলো পুরনো বই এর দোকান যাওয়া, সস্তার বাংলা কবিতা র বিদেশী কবিতা ষ্টল।  সাথে বেনফিশ, হাতে হাত।  কিছুটা কালো জামা গিটার ছিচকে দেখে খিল্লি, কিছুটা চেনা লোক দেখে খুশি বা এম্বার্রাস্স্মেন্ট, কখনো কলেজ ক্লাস করব ভেবে হঠাত বই মেলা, কখনো প্রেম করব কে এফ সী তে ভেবে বই মেলা, কখনো মুম্বাই থেকে আশা হলো জোর নিয়ে বলে বাড়িতে বোকা দেবে তাই নো বই মেলা ভেবেও বই মেলা, কহ্কোনো আহা বই মেলা না গেলে হয় নাকি ভেবে বই মেলা। 

এমন কিছু গুরুত্ব সত্তি আগে কখনো দেইনি আমি বই মেলা কে আর একেবারে সত্তি বললে, ওই ছোটবেলার নস্তাল্গিয়া ছাড়া সাইন্স সিটি বই মেলা আমার বিশেষ আহামরি লাগতনা।  ময়দান তা আলাদাই ছিল সত্তি।  কিন্তু এবার দূর দিগন্ত পারে হঠাত একটু মন কেমন।  ভালই ছিল যা ছিল।  

তোমরা ভালো ঘুর সবাই যারা আছ / আছেন/ আছিস শহরে. 
হোক বই মেলা।  

Prick and Perpetually Homesick

Coming to Ria’s home over and over again (which ultimately became all mine) made me realise how unready I am for settling down. Yes, there was time in my life when all that I wanted to do was marrying and live a life in dual mode because honestly, that gave me happiness. To live a life with and for someone where you make your home, from scratch.

Seasons changed and I got hammered again and again and today, I do not like the idea of waking up with the thought of what-to-make-for-breakfast. I saw how Ria stood near the washroom to make sure the maid does the Sunday Maha Cleaning properly.All of this really increases my respect for Maa and all the homemakers true but I do not think I would ever be in a state where I would be able to do the same. The princess treatment from Maa, the hard realities and the lyadh in general has me an absolute hippie I think and the thought of making a home excites me not. I remember how disappointed Ria was when I disagreed to move in.

This, plus the quick decision as to whether to buy a phone for myself or the father shocked me as well (because well of course, Accenture salaries and ratings and job or no job tangents!). Add that to the decision of skipping GATE to visit Gokarna. Of course the father’s and of course Gokarna! Clearing TFI phone round, passing in one part and failing in another part of APS.  Growing up much? I do not exactly think I like the person I am becoming and I can very well understand the transition.

To come to an age, phase or mental makeup where you know how to cook bhaat (yes I can proudly cook bhaat and daal as well now) and to tag Bacardi lemonade as the greatest discovery of 2015 are so not me but so me. To tag men as either hot or cute seems like history, there are only intelligent disloyal men or dumb disloyal men, that be all. Fair? Definitely not but that is how it is with me now, not good, I know. Back to the zone where I hate myself for being what I am and not care about it as well. I have never been so lost and yet not completely sad.

Something has to be done about something and God knows what. Amidst all, I think I passed the toughest assessment of my life recently and am very very proud of myself. I am finally a little happy with the IT world, doing what I do, and, surprise surprise, I am brilliant at what I do. For ONCE! But then, the salary increases? No. The promotion happens? No. Get to go home? No. Atleast weekend flight tickets are easy? NO! Life is financially better? Hell No! Phir kyu itni khushi bhai? Uhmmm, who said anything about khushi hmmm? Breathing is easier after Friday that is all, And to Abhimanyu and Anju, I would have not made it alive through it all without you two, Maa actually cried happy tears after so long. And I am again sure some dhamaka is on the cards from tomorrow because meri khushi dekhi nai jaati na. Anyway, to the ever so angry Gods too, Thank. You :’)

For the support, Maa, Aunty, Ankita C, Ankita G, Raja, Dipu, Sush, Isita, Amit, Sejuti, Arna, Bishakha, Sudip, Chaitanya, Subhayan,  Satabdi, Aritri, Tuhinda, Olivia, Sir (in no specific order) I would be forever grateful (I might have missed a few names, sorry). To some who were not with me (even though you were VERY needed) through it, you have finally disappointed me to a point where I have nothing else to expect and if you can still sleep (in all the variations that you can think of it) with it in peace, Good Luck!

Happy New Year everyone.
 Have a great year :)

I miss home, Maa is sure I would have been in a better situation in the last 5 weeks if I were home (just that she would have seen me around and alive and she would have been less worried), I doubt the change in levels of stress, but home, I definitely miss. So this song which Titoo posted when he was leaving he city, from the movie which was watched, like those million movies, with the assurance that, ah let me not do this to myself today. Just that it is not a nice feeling to have your gurur chaknachur-ed, that too, by who. However, the song :')

Hell Freezes Over

I still remember the day our first desktop came, Mejdamoni copied his entire hard disc content. Those were the days when he took pride in ‘amar 40GB memory te 30GB gaan’ and Baba was like ‘amar Computer e kintu 80GB’

That was when he introduced me to The Eagles saying ‘Guria, ei gaanta shunishni? Ki r korli tahole jibone. Shon shon’. Honestly, if you wake up a little girl from her sleep, her favorite afternoon nap mind you, and tell her to concentrate on the intro to a ket song, it is not a good idea. But, I remember how much I idolized Mejdamoni in those days and when he added that some XYZ% of the world population listen to this song around the clock, I really rubbed my eyes off and started to listen.

No, I did not understand the lyrics in one go. Finally, he understood my pain, connected the new Computer to the BSNL internet (where the number of minutes you are online = no of call charge X2) and we got the lyrics. Then, he went on explaining how some believe it has a horror tinge to it and how some believe it is about a mental hospital, he gave his version as well. The little girl that I was, I made sure I know the path to this album ‘D tarpor Music tarpor MyMusic[English] tarpor THE Eagles tarpor Hotel California’ by heart.

Then of course I grew up with the song, not because it is one of the most amazing songs ever, which it is, but because Mejdamoni said it was the best and so it was, the BEST.

Woke up to the news of Glenn Frey’s death today and all those years of singing his songs by heart, in wrong pronunciation, flashed. And then, I came back to Smita in the evening and made her listen to Hotel California because I still remember how Mejdamoni had said, ei gaanta na shunle ki r korli jibone

Sail well, you too and have a great jam with Bowie up above the world so high

Turn to page 394.

So this is it then?
Love is all that there is in ‘Always’ and not beyond anymore then? Or maybe, 'Forever' was my 'Always'. A SHORT (please get the pun in a pun there, I am very happy at my pinch) forever. Always.

Olivia pinged at 7:15 exact, ‘Professor Snape mara gechhe’ and I doomed the deadlines, doomed the deployment and went away to the breakout to confirm. True News. So, today, the day before the THE day, rather than ghyan ghyaning about tomorrow, I mourn for my Snape.

Remember I wrote a certain something about Suchitra Pillai in Dil Chahta Hai and what happens to the ex-es and the ‘rejected maal’s in my old blog? No? So there was this post where I was wondering what happens when to the extra ones once the hero-heroine duo is fixed and dancing tall behind the branches of trees. They become forgotten and maybe they find their compromises. Ishhh. So, Snape was my answer to myself with his strong character and personality and love :) 

So this is what happens to the ex-es and the ‘rejected maal’s and the ones who are left for better alternatives. They live and they live forever.

When Snape died in the book or the movie, I would not say I was as sad as I was when Fred did but today, when the person I have always seen in my head when I say Snape, died, I am very very upset at the death of my hero, my definition of love. I am particularly upset because all my heroes and definitions and perfections of love are dead, figuratively and literally now.

Have a wonderful afterlife Professor, you taught me love.
And I shall remember. Always.

Prayers for Friday and Timepass Before THAT

The mandatory I-feel-like-a-celeb post before I drown drown drown on Friday.  About  the most horrible that there was, where I lost a LOT.  Also the man who sold the world, sail in peace.

1. What did you do in 2015 that you’ve never done before?

·         Ate alone in restaurants

·         Went alone to the doctor

·         Cried alone in public

·         Correctly judged the detergent:water ratio

·         Fought life

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year?

                Did not make one last year, and did not make any again.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

                No, thank god.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

                Literally, not, figuratively, yes!

5. What countries did you visit?

                Countries huh? Cancelled home tickets -_-

6. What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?

                Position

7. What date from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory?

                Memories, too many. Dates… uhmmm

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

                Solo travel at 4 in the morning to this Mysore border college for this exam.

9. What was your biggest failure?

                *were

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

                Not much, nothing fatal until 2016 slip

11. What was the best thing you bought?

                Tickets and more tickets :D

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

                Oh my GOD :D

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

                Mine

14. Where did most of your money go?

                Gifts. Food. Ticket.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

                GOAAAAA and Pujoooooo!

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2015?

                ‘Move on’, on loop, for days, till the point of hating the song. It’s a bad song anyway.

                ‘O thakur’, and the Pujo countdown

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

1. Happier or sadder? Happier, I think.

2. Thinner or fatter? Fatter, most definitely.

3. Richer or pooper? Poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

                Reading.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

                Loving. Procrastinating.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

                Thanking Monas for sharing all the wine, which of course Ria paid for. It was a good Christmas with immensely hot lap dance and very good ghar ka khana and cake ^_^

21. Who did you spend most of the time on the phone with?

                The Mommy.

22. Did you fall in love in 2015?

                No.

23. How many one night stands in this last year?

                Like why should that be told or counted for that matter?

24. What was your favorite TV programme?

                Masterchef, TVF Pitchers, GOT

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

                No.

26. What was the best book(s) you read?

                I’ve read just one book in the entire year, so that.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

                Megameter :D

28. What did you want and get?

                Like really?

29, What did you want and did not get?

                Love. Money. Position. Job. Promotion. Hike. Trip. Happiness. Peace. Respect. Relocation.

30. What were your favorite films?

                Belasheshe

31. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?

                Woke up in the chhader pasher ghor and age, enough raita over that already now.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

                Denmark.

33. What would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2015?

                Fat.

34. What kept you sane?

                Friends and Maa

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

                Ranveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer *_*

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

                Just because I have started reading newspapers, does not mean I can answer THIS

37. Who did you miss?

                Sigh

38. Who was the best new person you met?

                Smita AND (Abhimanyu, Nishita )

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2015?

                Height and money are all that there is to love.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?

                Does it feel the same/ When she calls your name

Friday Haiku

Yellow saari dream
Friday night's clumsy old whim
Obvious choice made

Ankita confessed in the middle of the night after long weekend of solo flat time, 'now I know tui keno biye biye boltish'
But then my love,
There shall always be people who are,
Taller
Richer
Fairer
Prettier
Taller
Taller
Taller
I confessed to Nishita in the middle of the night 'now I know tui keno jonmerprem hashtag dekhe pale hotish'
But then my love,
There shall always be people who are,
Taller
Richer
Fairer
Prettier
Taller
Taller
Taller
Arna confessed to Sejuti in the middle of the night, 'now I know that once you've waited for so long, it's impossible to start over again'
But then my love,
There shall always be people who are,
Taller
Richer
Fairer
Prettier
Taller
Taller
Taller
Sitting with very high temperature can make you miss Maa er princess treatment all the more, especially when P with same temperature gets pampered, right the day before XAT by A. Oh the sweet consistencies of love which P gets, with or without jor.
But then my love,
These people ARE,
Taller
Richer
Fairer
Prettier
Taller
Taller
Taller

2016 First Lesson. Size matters the MOST

Mid road eve, check.

Fimly gunda fighting, check.

Go Karting, check.

Broken heart.
Broken leg.
2016, enough entertainment already
Please be kind now