Prick and Perpetually Homesick

Coming to Ria’s home over and over again (which ultimately became all mine) made me realise how unready I am for settling down. Yes, there was time in my life when all that I wanted to do was marrying and live a life in dual mode because honestly, that gave me happiness. To live a life with and for someone where you make your home, from scratch.

Seasons changed and I got hammered again and again and today, I do not like the idea of waking up with the thought of what-to-make-for-breakfast. I saw how Ria stood near the washroom to make sure the maid does the Sunday Maha Cleaning properly.All of this really increases my respect for Maa and all the homemakers true but I do not think I would ever be in a state where I would be able to do the same. The princess treatment from Maa, the hard realities and the lyadh in general has me an absolute hippie I think and the thought of making a home excites me not. I remember how disappointed Ria was when I disagreed to move in.

This, plus the quick decision as to whether to buy a phone for myself or the father shocked me as well (because well of course, Accenture salaries and ratings and job or no job tangents!). Add that to the decision of skipping GATE to visit Gokarna. Of course the father’s and of course Gokarna! Clearing TFI phone round, passing in one part and failing in another part of APS.  Growing up much? I do not exactly think I like the person I am becoming and I can very well understand the transition.

To come to an age, phase or mental makeup where you know how to cook bhaat (yes I can proudly cook bhaat and daal as well now) and to tag Bacardi lemonade as the greatest discovery of 2015 are so not me but so me. To tag men as either hot or cute seems like history, there are only intelligent disloyal men or dumb disloyal men, that be all. Fair? Definitely not but that is how it is with me now, not good, I know. Back to the zone where I hate myself for being what I am and not care about it as well. I have never been so lost and yet not completely sad.

Something has to be done about something and God knows what. Amidst all, I think I passed the toughest assessment of my life recently and am very very proud of myself. I am finally a little happy with the IT world, doing what I do, and, surprise surprise, I am brilliant at what I do. For ONCE! But then, the salary increases? No. The promotion happens? No. Get to go home? No. Atleast weekend flight tickets are easy? NO! Life is financially better? Hell No! Phir kyu itni khushi bhai? Uhmmm, who said anything about khushi hmmm? Breathing is easier after Friday that is all, And to Abhimanyu and Anju, I would have not made it alive through it all without you two, Maa actually cried happy tears after so long. And I am again sure some dhamaka is on the cards from tomorrow because meri khushi dekhi nai jaati na. Anyway, to the ever so angry Gods too, Thank. You :’)

For the support, Maa, Aunty, Ankita C, Ankita G, Raja, Dipu, Sush, Isita, Amit, Sejuti, Arna, Bishakha, Sudip, Chaitanya, Subhayan,  Satabdi, Aritri, Tuhinda, Olivia, Sir (in no specific order) I would be forever grateful (I might have missed a few names, sorry). To some who were not with me (even though you were VERY needed) through it, you have finally disappointed me to a point where I have nothing else to expect and if you can still sleep (in all the variations that you can think of it) with it in peace, Good Luck!

Happy New Year everyone.
 Have a great year :)

I miss home, Maa is sure I would have been in a better situation in the last 5 weeks if I were home (just that she would have seen me around and alive and she would have been less worried), I doubt the change in levels of stress, but home, I definitely miss. So this song which Titoo posted when he was leaving he city, from the movie which was watched, like those million movies, with the assurance that, ah let me not do this to myself today. Just that it is not a nice feeling to have your gurur chaknachur-ed, that too, by who. However, the song :')