Coldest of Nights

Accepting.
Not everyone deserves happiness.
Not everyone gets happiness.
Accepting.

Bluetooth Speaker Speaks of Life

Bluetooth Speaker!

We happen to have a cute little Bluetooth speaker. It's wooden and nice. Made our hearts very happy the day it was gifted, since we had recently moved into a new flat and lost our old speaker. The same speaker, gave me a life lesson today, a lesson that I'll probably forget by night, or probably remember, and start 2019 and life.

So the process being:
1. Bluetooth Speaker once ready to be paired, becomes the receiver.
2. Every phone in the room can connect to it, but the one that is ready to play the song, does.
3. Once paired, the time becomes colorful with the songs of happiness, peace and Bliss.
4. After a while, once the songs become monotonous, continuous, and realistic, the songs stop playing from the phone voluntarily.
5. The bluetooth speaker waits, pauses and waits. Some more. And eventually, our speaker unpairs itself.
To new phones and new songs then?

Also,
Merry Christmas from Hasvitha :)

Winter Lessons

As kids all of us (read most of us) love(d) chocolates. Some of us over-loved (read ate) chocolate so much that our teeth started decaying or getting cavities.
So did we stop loving or having (read wanting) chocolate any less? No! Of course not.
The doctors stopped us, the mother scolded us, the world laughed at us with better teeth to show. But us? We still loved chocolates. With painful teeth, we just could not let go of our dearest!
But eventually the doctors, the mothers, the logic won and off went the chocolates from our lives (at least for the time being).
We hated everyone, made a hoopla, cried our hearts out, everytime there was a chocolate shop, everytime our friend could happily munch theirs. But then, you had to give it up after all.

Well in life, during days like today, I hope we realise if we're the chocolate or the child.
That's all!

The song, because I love it. No context.

HEAL

Why no Patronus ?!

Move On

Moving on?
Oh dear God what that is?
To not expect the calls you don't anyway get.
To not have the urge to beg, yes the word is 'beg'.
To not cry when Mom asks 'how is the weather at your end'.
To stop depressing your forever there friends.
And how?

Move on!
Bad songs.
Bad poems.
Bad alcohol.
Move on!
And how?!


Moved on?
Oh dear heart I know what that is!
To ignore the existence of your 'old' pink.
To claim your life has also changed for worse, in a blink.
To indulge in work and ignore their tears.
To push down love and pull up fear.
And how?

-Abhishikta

The Winner Took It All

In the most Bollywood (read Chetan Bhagat way),
If I make it through, through THIS, I would do something significant with my life.

For now, for the heart(s) that is/are shaken, taken, broken and not healing at all, all over, a song that once brought me peace, that is haunting me these days, and someday it would make sense, again, Inshallah!

2018, DON'T End So Bad, Pretty Please

Chhutti Khatam, School Shuru

There are no defining moments when our lives change. But nights like these definitely count as one of those. Uncertainty rules majorly for everybody here. 427 breaks!

While someone ties the knot, someone starts with job struggle, someone changes home and someone drowns in depression.

We had always known that this day would arrive, I had never thought, it would be so hard to deal with. I will miss us, as us.

Going back, with the heaviest of heart.
Vacation ends.
Bengaluru, innings two!
Please be kind.

Published

Check!

Footsteps Fading

Footsteps fading...
Slowly
And a little more,
There goes the hand you held like your own...
Slowly
And a little more.

Just like that.
Just like last time.
Just like always.

- Abhishikta

Accenture Chapter, Last Page.

Remember those serials where the aves the job with a big carton box? I had always watched those scenes and wondered what is it that they keep so much at office?!?!?

Last Friday I did something similar, being the Bollywood that I am, and the entire lane rolled eyes at:

A pair of formal shoes

A pair of stilletoes

A pair of chappals

Water bottles

Ganpati idol (not the regular small ones you see at desks)

Two coffee mugs

Packets of green tea

Note books

More notebooks

Diya (beat that!)

Horlicks 

Dry fruits + Dabba

Paper plates

Posters

Doodles

Varieties of pens and markers

Sticky notes

What am I missing?

I was shocked at the amount of things my pedestal had! 4 years is no small time you see. 

And to wrap all of that and set off. To leave BDC7C.04.279, to swipe out one last time and not be allowed to swipe in ever again, to leave that one secret prayer corner, to leave that 3year old nayansukh (which did reach up to date btw!), to leave the few people who proved that IT does give you the truest of friends, to leave the magic that Accenture is!

You can always quote Ranbir Kapoor on leaving certain places after some time "nahi toh gile shikwe hone lagte hai" to sound cool, but, honestly, phati padi hai, at the new step, the brave step, the leap of faith. Innings two, soon.

For now,

Hello Pujo :)

Agomoni

It is heart warming how every year, year after year, Mahalaya brings the same chill and thrill. Be it the early twenties when Mahalaya brought me the strength to lift up my head and check the home morning sun, after consecutive days of 103 fever, or, the late twenties when living miles away from home, still looking for home, 4am youtube makes my soul twirl.

No interest in proving the 'happy' about Mahalaya, which otherwise is a poignant event, I will wake up very happy, sharp at 4, with or without the radio, judging all the probashi-s who are indifferent to Mahalaya's epicness (not that everyone in the city truly appreciates what it is, or acknowledges the day the way I do). Pujo is finally here!

Let's get sappy eyed, let's wake up happy eyed. For a change, for once in a year.

Pride!

Colour the walls now,
Colour them right away.
Violet!
Indigo!
Blue!
Your's the night, the noon, the day.

Colour the walls dark,
Colour, as you may.
Green!
Yellow!
Orange!
Sail off bay, sail with bae.

Colour the walls one last time,
Colour the crazy cliche.
Red!
For love, is here to stay.

-Abhishikta

মন্দবাসা

সবাই বলে মন্দ বাস,
মন্দ বাস তারে ।
দায়িত্ব? প্রেম? তার কোনটা আছে?
সে কি সময় দিতে পারে?
মন্দ বাস তারে,
মন্দ বাস তারে !

পাগল কবি, আশা ভাড়ে,
তবু বসে দ্বারে,
ভালবাসতে তারে,
ভালবেসে তারে।

আবার,
আরেকবার।

-অভিষিক্তা

Life Goals

Life goals Susie?

Make money.
Make holiday plans.
Make love.

In that order?

No.
All together!

And how?

Earn to travel with a hand to hold.
That's how Calvin,
That is how!

-Abhishikta

Enough

Enough.
What exactly is enough?
You?
Me?
The smiling kid on the street?
The flex timespan between the sheets?
Promises, seemingly kept?
Partners, happily left
Behind, and forever?

-Abhishikta

Or Is It All In The Head?

The way you snore in your sleep,
The way I hate to share my share.
The way you forget to pick me up,
The way I strangle with clingy care.
The way,
The ways,
The very many ways
Of loving
More than what we would dare.
And how?

-Abhishikta

Far Far and Further from Home

Phir se...

Allah K Bande Hasde, Jo Bhi Ho Kal Phir Aayega

This song has been everyone’s favorite at some point of time or the other. For me, from being something to show off my amateur guitar skills with, to the only thing that keeps me going on utter any-weekday-blues, this song has quite been in and around playlist. Add that, to this mid week ramble that follows here about the song’s signature statement:

Allah k bande hasde
Jo bhi ho kal phir aayega

The aantel in me interprets “job hi ho kal phir aayega” in three different ways in the middle of the night.

Jo bhi ho, kal phir aayega…
No matter what, there is going to be a tomorrow. As optimistic as it can get. The validity and correctness of it, who knows?  And even if there is a tomorrow, who said it would not be as bad as today? Or better? High hopes? Go see the world, child.

Jo bhi ho, kal, phir aayega…
Whatever it is that is there today, it will repeat again tomorrow. As pessimistic as it can get. The validity and correctness of it, who knows? But who said whatever it is that is there today is so bad that it being repeated tomorrow is not something to be happy about? Never heard of Northern Lights?

Jo bhi ho kal, phir aayega…
Whatever will happen tomorrow, will happen again. As neutral as it can get. The validity and correctness of it, most of us know. Where every day is a repetition of tomorrow, of yesterday. Could be good, or bad, or just Vanilla. In Murphy, let us not always trust!

Jo Bhi Ho Kal Phir Aayega
Allah K Bande Hasde

:)

नयी कहानी

चलो फिर से कहानी लिखते है |
इस बार पन्नो पे, ख्वाहिशों का रंग काला ही रहने देते है |
पर यह ख्वाहिशें !
यह ख्वाहिश ही तो थी जिसने पहली कहानी अधूरी छोड़ दी |
फिर से ख्वाहिश ?
चमकीले पहाड़ पे एक छोटा सा अपना जहां ,
नदी के किनारे, एक मुट्ठी आसमान ,
और बस हम |
इतनी  सी ही तो थी ख्वाहिश
तब भी |
और अब्ब |
क्यों?
डर गए ?
फिरसे ?
हम्म...
चलो फिर,
एक और कहानी पे वक़्त ज़ाया नहीं करते है |

- अभिषिक्ता

Year 4. Don't Keep Me Here Again _/\_

Chapters
Heartbreaks
Laughter
Tears
Love
Hate
Strangle
Sweat
Blood
Friends
Haters
Embarrassment
Fear
Rains
Trips
Alone
Bangalore
3 years too slow
3 years too soon
Staaaaaaaaaph
Pretty please

ও আমার কথা ভাবছে কি ?

The sudden gush of wind.
Memories...
Few made, few stained,
Few, just in my head
Leading to yet another round of
ও আমার কথা ভাবছে কি ?

The sudden pour of rain.
People...
Few stayed, few left,
Few, just in my head
Leading to yet another round of
ও আমার কথা ভাবছে কি ?

-Abhishikta

Ain't No Sunshine

কফি কাপ গুলো এখনো সাথে রাখা,
তবে টিকিট গুলো হলো আলাদা।
সখি এবার দিলো দক্ষিণে পারি,
উত্তরে উড়লো সখা।

-অভিষিক্তা

Rachel Wins?

"Ross did,
Even Ross did,
So why can't I?
Why can't we?"
Asked Rahul, to me.
"Of course we can, Rohan!"

-Abhishikta

Exceptions?

And then there is the 21st century love.

Love that constantly interferes.
Why such late, at night?
Why the dress, so tight?

Love that never pulls you near.
Sex. Smooch. Touch. Oh yes!
No peck on forehead, light.

Love that comes with a lot of fear.
For commitment is a luxury.
For bending is impossible, post fight.

Love that you hate so dear.

-Abhishikta

চোখের কোণে জল ।
ব্যতিক্রমী ক্রান্তি না ,
বিশ্ব বদল যোজনা না ,
সেই পুরোনো ন্যাকা কারণ গুচ্ছ ।
আবার কি ?

- অভিষিক্তা

Spring

"Be my Spring?"

"Depends."

"On?"

"On where you place the comma."

- Abhishikta

Naani Ka Ghar!

For years, all over the India, naani ka ghar (dida'r bari for us who had no "mamabari") has always been the favorite holiday destination. Especially for people like me whose maternal grandparents stayed far away, at Madhya Pradesh turned Chhattisgarh. Year after year, summer and winter holidays meant Indian Railways, and Dongargarh.

How the place always smelled of Sunsilk Black, how the place always had a sky full of stars, a big ground which ended on a bunch of bush and small hills on one side and mud huts on the other. The place of my dreams where Dida told stories on the Khatiya every night, and Dadu took all the children together on a single Scooter for movies to theatres that had fans. It also meant a lot of new tricks and life lessons on cycle, kabaddi, kite tying, plastic flying, roleplay games and 6pm cartoons with Chintudada

Abandoning the place has probably been the worst decision of the family ever, however, visiting the place after about seven years, at a price that's scary but visiting nonetheless. Also, trains after forever, like the old times when Maa and I would be dippy eyed to see the first glance of the hills in the morning when we would wake up, by the sleeper class window seat which would fit me perfectly!

Just that, this time, there's no Naani to welcome us with bhaat and shorsher machh.

Valentine's Day 2018

A note on love
A note for love
Love,
Oh dear God again?
One love that puts a ring down the finger that's not mine.
One love for whom letting go was fine.
One love that never questioned back.
One love where love was all the lack.
To have a day to that.
Where you declare you're enough!
And secretly check his availability million times,
Where you end up detesting the cuties in love,
Force random poems to rhyme.
And why

- Abhishikta

Wish!

Because the wish was to buy my own diamond before a man does, or not!

Bringing in Valentine's a week early, hence.

Check.

Because the wish was also to travel abroad atleast once before the typical low budget honeymoon with khud ka Paisa or high budget honeymoon with sasur ka Paisa, or not!

Check.

End of THE Month

Here’s to the most fulfilling one month of my career! I have slogged and cried, spent numerous nights in deep depression of not being able to code like others, spent more days in controlled heart wailings in an environment that is vengeful, that is heartless.  The confident person that I used to be (am?) somewhere gets lost in the 9-7 office politics and the likes of it, post which which I feel THIS small, to which I go back tomorrow.

But the last month has been amazing and I would be forever grateful that it happened, without the money flow yes, but suddenly it does not seem so bad anymore. Europe with horrible back pain, Euope alone, Europe of heartbreaks, Europe of realisations.

My students from 25-55 together said “you are the best that we got” and I could not have asked for more. I taught, I taught, I taught. People listened, nodded, smiled, came back with questions and left with smiles. Finally found my call in IT which will be side-lined from Monday in the mad world and my one million needs, insecurities. My life takes the old turn now. Back to basics, or who knows.

For now, and this is a very rare event.
Thank You, Life :)
Gdansk, February 2018.

Widower and Strange Lady

He pretended to forget that she hates coffee

And had ordered himself sugarless tea.

She pretended to forget that he hates mountains

And booked single tickets to Baltic sea.

Transit airport lounge,

Bumped into each other;

A widower

A strange lady.

-Abhishikta

Giving Up

Saraswati Pujo 2018, Miss Again

পোল্যান্ড এ বরফ পড়লো, সবাই বললো "আহঃ কতো লাকি!"
কিন্তু সরস্বতী পুজোর শাড়ি টা যে হলোনা,
নাড়ু, অঞ্জলি, খিচুড়ি,
হলুদ চারিদিক !
লাকি ?!
নাকি ?!

পোল্যান্ড, জানুয়ারী ২০১৮
তৃতীয় সরস্বতী পুজো, শহর ছাড়া!

I love you, very much?

It has been a forever since I said ‘I love you’,
It has been a forever to the forever since I added ‘very much’,
Lack of people, lack of luck,
Love, mush, caring touch.

Then they claim
And mostly blame,
Promises they
Make and break.
Then they repeat the show again,
'I love you, very very much'
In the end they will never fail to say.

And it will pass away.

Blame it on the situations such
That my heart still trembles with fear,
To start with an ‘I love you’
To end with a ‘very much’.

But they claim,
And mostly blame,
Promises they
Make and break.
Here is the repeat show again,
'I love you, very very much'
In the end they will definitely say.

And it will always pass away.

Abhishikta Chakraborty

Chapter Three: Poland

Mandate

1. What did you do in 2017 that you’ve never done before?
Pee-ed in boys' washroom
Learnt to roll
Been in four different states on four weekends
Cried at airport
Taken solo trip
Danced in front of obscene number of people
Learnt to ride a scooty

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year?
Nothing kept, nothing made

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No

5. What countries did you visit?
Ghanta
In India,  Kolkata, Munnar, Kolkata,  Hampi,  Kolkata, Pondicherry, Kolkata,  Kolkata,  Pune, Mysore,  Mumbai, Kolkata

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?
Money

7. What date from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory?
Too bad with dates.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Bearing the last one month.
2 absolute solo trips
Fighting office
Not reacting to certain people getting hitched
Reacting to certain people

9. What was your biggest failure?
Relationships

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Hello Retina dislocation stage 1

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Diamond for Maa

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Good one
Mine?

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The sudden rush of possible prem and whoosh, for good, and learning

14. Where did most of your money go?
Tickets

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Pondicherry
Dates
Pujo
FS Mosaic performance
Scooty learning

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2017?
Kissing strangers

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

1. Happier or sadder? Sadder
2. Thinner or fatter? Fatter
3. Richer or pooper? Same

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Studies

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Believing

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Home :')
Woke up to Kolkata sun beside the chhader pasher ghor, had lunch at teriti with the school closest and dinner with the mother. As good as it can get :")

21. Who did you spend most of the time on the phone with?
Maa and someone who won't like the name here anymore.

22. Did you fall in love in 2017?
Almost

23. How many one night stands in this last year?
:/

24. What was your favorite TV programme?
Suits

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No

26. What was the best book(s) you read?
No book read

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Uhmm

28. What did you want and get?
Videsh possibility

29, What did you want and did not get?
Promotion

30. What were your favorite films?
Nothing, or I cannot remember now

31. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
Went home!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Commitment

33. What would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?
Overpriced pyjamas on sale

34. What kept you sane?
*Who
Ankita Narmada Smita (alphabetically)

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Virat Kohli

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Nothing

37. Who did you miss?
Shohor
Dida

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Oh dear God, none!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017?
People are lying machines

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?

वक़्त की क़ैद में ज़िंदगी है मगर
चंद घड़ियाँ यही है जो आज़ाद हैं