Attention Seeking Post N :/

Remember that phrase? ‘A happy woman is a myth’

I can relate to that phrase today day like no one else. Yes I never not seen my mother so happy in a long long time but I am just so depressed. Depression has become a theme and I know you do not have nice things to say about this. I would have said ‘odhiker shomoshsya’ if I would have been in your place as well. These are just the worst days of my life I think. Maybe because when you start to relate all your personal and professional emotions on double ticket, you feel that. You cannot be dual lucky and happy always. I know! And hence all the questions, fear and sadness that I have today and had yesterday and the day before and before that. Yes the last 2 months have been the most painful in all these years and yes I should be happy but I am absolutely morose.

I write this vague post knowing that 2 years from now I would wonder what made me do this drama dose, since this is exactly what happens when I read my old tales of sadness, and laugh at them. Mostly because how petty those issues seem today. I really hope that I feel the same about this issue a few days from now.  I am absolutely in a black mood. The sidelining also is like the icing on the cake. I remember Dadu commenting that all will be well after my birthday as the gift from above which almost was true. ALMOST! Which is a lot small word in this context. A LOT. No I am not thankless. I was just lucky when I had to be but now I think I should have chosen my prayers carefully, very carefully. And then there are also situations when you want and cannot talk, want and cannot listen. Because, of course you are not welcome. Why? Because you don’t deserve to. Because? You just love too much. So? You over burden. Hence? You can look at random stupid serials and cry even at the scene of a fat boy having oily samosa on screen. I do not blame you if you don’t get a word of what I say. I don’t really care to be very honest.