One For The Memory

 Today.

Storm Is Coming

 How, this never gets old. How.

Nit Nit

Mornings

Months

Mondays

Things so significant yet mundane. The same old alarm, the same old glass of Horlicks, the same old decision whether or not to have that thumsup from fridge every hour. 

Aprils mostly are a bag of mixed events with constant summer winds making the mornings late, afternoons unbearable, evenings sluggish. The weather outside takes off half of my energy, the other half by the worries of several exams at several phases of my life. This year being no different.

The summer wind

The impending exams

The constant tiredness

The put on weight

The list of to-dos

The worry

The little function possibility

The weekend contest

Too much to do, too little zeal. Aging already and how?!

Do not even have the mood to complain about a million different things. Glad to be able to brave this from the room beside the terrace though. 'Look the brighter side' pastor said , trying my best!

Java Gods, be kind. One more time. Pretty please.

Also, Hello Monday!

Again.

Stop Sadist Humours, Life!

 

Just when I thought I have grown out of my Ghyan Ghyan phase when I use my blog for all things Dark and Grey, comes today!
Murphy has always been way too loving towards me; and today, Murphy is testing me beyond humorous horizons.
Someday I hope I can laugh at today.
At visiting Sakra like adults.
At buying a certain something twice.
At eating incessantly.
At a 12 hour long cranky.
The situation is so bad that if what I am anticipating with biting nails come true, I will have no idea what to do with life.
This too shall pass? The tattoo is probably doing a sarcastic laugh today!
Anyway, Murphy Ji, Please be kind.
Stop the sadist humour already?

Yang Day Forever!

 

Also, note to self from the days bygone, for the days to come, or not.

Here's to fearlessness.

पहली बारीश मुबारक!

Somethings never change; across cities, age, phase!

Annual Yellow Day!

How perfect were the days when the Kolkata home, the only home I know as a matter of fact, would be buzzing with oldest friends, followed by shajugu and extensive jhaari throughout the day, on the roads for Saraswati Pujo.

This year, finally acknowledged the age and the need of Bidya, Buddhi, Java and did Saraswati Pujo myself, ofcourse with onjoli happening online from home.

Old pink Saari for the customary Bangali Prem dibosh.

When would I ever get to stay forever in Kolkata and celebrate all of this in total is a rant for everyday. Anyway!

May your Basant Panchami be full of Mangsho, Machh, Error less Code and Yellow Saari 💛

Were You There

 

Were you there when the girl was killed
Not in an accident not on a war field
When her mother’s womb was nil-d
3 months into the womb, you knew her gender
Quietly, openly, when the world accepted this blunder
Were you there?

Were you there when the girl was raped?
Sometimes in a night club, sometimes as an infant,
Sometimes from head to toe when she was draped.
The world enquired ‘Was the molester 18?’
The world shed a tear and forgot the memory, clean
Were you there?

Were you there when the girl was objectified?
First dowry then slavery, and then no education was justified.
She moaned, she cried, she looked for help all around
The world kept quiet, no one made a sound.
Were you there?

- Abhishikta

" Delaying The Inevitable…"

 Certain words, certain phrases remain etched upon our lives forever. Some to bring in happy memories, some to permanently hurt our heart, and some, to put us into a continuous loop of trust issues.

Delaying the Inevitable…

I have been told this phrase, I have told this phrase and never for good. Never, for anything that is remotely bright and positive; but then, I have never been a bright and positive person in the first place.

Then we grow old, turn 30 and meet people who put in all the efforts to actually delay the inevitable, so much so that the inevitable shifts from a smaller spectrum to a larger spectrum which is years away.
So much so that you want to believe them.
So much so that you believe that the inevitable can actually be delayed.

Which class Aunty?

I know I know! Some things we never learn.
Some phrases never leave our lives but we can just hope that some do!
Anyway, there will always be a song to remind you of it, all of it.

Chapter 5 : Leap

Phirbo Bolle Phera Jaye Naki?

 

Everytime, every damn time!

Someday when the city has had enough of its obhimaan upon me, I would get to live and die here, and happily so!

Till then, Bye Bye my Love 

Also, Bye Bye old man, I'm sure you're smoking only half of an expensive cigar while watching sunset with Dida somewhere!

Never too late to say this,

2021, please be kind.

Mandate

 

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’ve never done before?
Travelled bidesh nijer takay
Brush of covid
Tried podcasting
Went to IITM for Job fare on the other side of the table
Watched sunset neck deep inside water
Learnt driving
Enrolled in MA

 

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year?
2020 resolution to judge less and trust more, kept, VERY MUCH!
2021 resolution, panic less maybe?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, funny since 2020 was all about people producing babies :/

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No

 

5. What countries did you visit?
Thailand!
So glad for a pretty decent travel list even for 2020 travel horror
Chennai, Bilaspur, Katghora, Ambikapur, Pune, Pattaya, Bangkok, Bangalore, Kolkata, Raipur, Gangani, Shantiniketan


6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020?
Money, lots of it!


7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory?
Date don’t know, but winning club level humorous speech contest was truly omaze!


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Winning Div level Humorous Speech Contest
Finishing Presidential term with 9.5 DCP
Not resigning during the extensive literal lockdown at Bangalore all alone


9. What was your biggest failure?
Java, for a long time now


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Probable Covid? Counts?


11. What was the best thing you bought?
Sofa!


12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
S


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Boss


14. Where did most of your money go?
Gifts


15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING


16. What song/album will always remind you of 2020?
Virah
Aisi raaton mein hamesha hoti hai mushkil


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
1. Happier or sadder? Happier
2. Thinner or fatter? Fatter
3. Richer or poorer? Same


18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Studying


19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Lyadh


20. How did you spend Christmas?
Ate mouthful of cake at inervals, all day with Maa, met S, S and O, drank obscene amount of LIIT, did not sleep all night and left for Shantiniketan with Pdi and R before sunrise. As good as it can get, really!


21. Who did you spend most of the time on the phone with?
S. I think I have spent the entire year on phone.


22. Did you fall in love in 2020?
Okay?


23. How many one night stands in this last year?
Okay.


24. What was your favorite Tv programme?
Grey's Anatomy (AGAIN!) :D


25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No


26. What was the best book(s) you read?
None read. Still trying to find time to finish Norwegian Woods.(A year later, exact same status, as shameful as it can get)


27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Taalpatar Shepai


28. What did you want and get?
Home for 4 months straight


29. What did you want and did not get?
Did not want anything with all my heart to be honest.


30. What were your favorite films?
96


31. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
Could not come home, thank you office rules.
And, very very old!


32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Switch


33. What would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020?
Oversized home clothes


34. What kept you sane?
Rants


35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Noone


36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Migrant workers during initial Covid wave.


37. Who did you miss?
Dida


38. Who was the best new person you met?
Anindita (if online meetings are a thing)


39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020?
Stay close to home!


40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
Tu Rehja Dil Ke Paas Paas
Sun Kya Kehti Hai Saans Saans
Choti Si Hai Zindagi
Phir Kyun Baithi Hai Tu udas.

One Last Time as President :')

 

All things said and done, if there would be one thing that I will forever love 2020 for, is this, to be able to do this of more than half of my days, to be able to be this for more than half of my time.

I have forever loved titles, I have forever loved spotlight, I have forever loved tags! And shamelessly so! I have no idea what to do with my life for the next 6 months since I have no points to chase and no plans to make from next Thursday.
Did they tell you that leadership is an addiction?  

Signing off as the proudest President.
9.5 DCP! No shit :’)
Roared, Soared and How!

 

Singin', "This'll be the day that I die"

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
Something touched me deep inside
The day the music died

The thing about old songs. I remember reading this in an article from Voices by a certain Ms Sanghani I absolutely worshipped, for the way she wrote. I remember quoting this in so many +2 essays.

Those were the days when fishing over Poet's Corner of Voices on Thursdays to find my name, was the highlight of the week. Those were the days when being different felt nice. Those were the days when you different, didn't cost us, years.

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
Something touched me deep inside
The day the music died

The thing about old songs. They can walk through your fairy lights, on a Thursday night, a decade and more later, and still help you write vague. How I hate winters for setting in unnecessary gloom.

Also, this one's for showing off memories!

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/pankaj-rai-he-him-his-b3923a_a-bright-face-looked-out-of-our-screens-activity-6744133887728996352-9ktB

Destined Destination!

Love isn't something you find

Love is something that finds you

Someone who gave the same love a second chance, with all her heart, and then a third, fourth, nth and failed, and cried, and gave up. Until, love came knocking, reassuring, and how! This, time, to stay. Forever. For,

Love isn't someone you find

Love is someone who finds you

Cleaning Your Specs

 

Just when you thought Obhishikta cannot be more random, comes a post on cleaning your specs.

Have you ever wondered, pondered on it?
If you ask me, I do not remember the last time I cleaned mine, however, I do know the feeling of looking through a pair of freshly cleaned specs. Confused much? But my dear, such is life.

Not a fan of different perspectives though, I am perfect. However, how much I love people who clean my specs, before I wake up.
And make me breakfast while at it!

Also, irrelevant, shundor gaan

Wishful Thinking

 My love for Kolkata remains in the many filtered evenings where the sky looked more pink than orange. In the many foggy mornings where I would sleep extra till the winter sun shines bright. My love for Kolkata in the most mundane things, my love for Kolkata that can fight the biggest beasts but not him, not her.

Not that I hate Bangalore. Absolutely not. Definitely not anymore if I may put it correctly. Bangalore held me close at a time when the world turned upside down, when everyone raised their fingers. Bangalore accepted me in my middle aged, moody and pessimist self with cheap wines and cheaper dreams.

However, the perfect Bangalorean weather could never make me feel, the way humid Kolkata weather does.

After spending 3 complete months at the city after 5 years, I am emotional beyond words while it is just about to end. Not tomorrow, but I'm dramatic like that.

Kolkata, my love, someday, someday when you think I'm deserving enough, I'll start living in you again.

Staying out of Kolkata by choice and coming home for Durga Pujo mandatorily for the last 5 years, also mandated, that I miss Kali Pujo. The house would be lit like a happy bride, the father would endlessly put lights on the last possible corner, the sister would click and the mother would send me photos which I would look at in awe, and become terribly sad. 

This year, after 5 years, I am beyond emotional just to be able to put diyas on the boundary walls, just to be able to click photos myself, just to be able to eat sweets that I did not buy. 

Lights did guide me home this time. Knocking wood and tripping over Diwali lights.

Thankful beyond words!

Hope you all had a safe and happy Diwali. 

May the lights of your lives, stay, beyond today ❤️

SPARE THE STRAYS THIS DIWALI.

Love Crazy ?!

It takes crazy to love crazy
It takes crazy to hope.
It takes crazy to love crazy
It takes crazy to cope
Up with all the tied words and Bollywood.
Again!
Noone unropes,
Noone pulls, up the slope;
Again?
It takes crazy to love crazy
It takes crazy to disrobe.
It takes crazy to love crazy
It takes crazy to hope.

- Abhishikta

October

End of October has always been a poignant affair.

Durga Pujo would be over, the lights being taken off at Ekadoshi would sink my heart, the subtle wintery wind would start their appearance, the evenings will be quicker, the nights will be longer, the last day would be sadder.

This year is no different. Dreading the future like never before. Judging myself like never before.

Also, Shubho Bijoya!

Bhalo thakben, bhalo rakhte jotoi akkhom hon r ki

 

In a parallel world, I would be still in the hangover of Mahalaya, doing my last-minute cosmetic shopping and Maa would be complaining about everything today.
In real world, I finished the last dose of Hydroxychloroquine and ate an obscene amount of all things Vitamin C.
Sailing through.
Breathing through, with difficulty or not.
So far so good.
Not complaining. So not complaining.

Celeb Feels! :"D

Here

 

Count your blessings when the wind paces up, right before a long weekend.
You breathe it all in at the end of an endless scrum board finish, calls to take, people to help and meetings to plan.
You BREATHE!

Except when your chest pains and you anticipate why.
Okrightbye.

Quarantine Anthem

Running straight up at the first sneeze

Smelling the deo till nose agrees

Dreading the rain, cursing the cold breeze

No more horrible life experiences

Oh pretty please!

-Abhishikta

Mohaloya 2020 and How!

 Mahalaya!

In 2012, I woke up shivering from a consistent 10-day long fever on a Mahalaya morning. I remember the huge weight loss and consecutive hair loss that had come in. I remember Maa not allowing me to sleep in my room which is on a different floor than hers, and doctors advising me to sleep separate. My taste, appetite and zeal were an all time low. Khichdi and mosquito nets were my consistent partners and my usual ami-r-bachbona thoughts, everyday. My bed was made in the hall, right beside my mother’s room so that she could check on me every 2 hours, even in the night. I do not think any phase of my life had made me so weak physically. I cursed the epic Kellogs K diet I had taken just to look slim and the corresponding series of fevers, vitamin deficit, immunity loss, tests and the likes.

Maa woke me up at 4, I thought she would do the usual fever check, but she asked if I would want to give Mahalaya a miss that year and sleep. I of course said no, she of course knew it. Next, the radio was kept between the rooms, tuned to Akashbani Kolkata, and “Aswiner Shaarodo Praate” filled in the house! It was one of my earliest introductions to goosebumps where suddenly, for one full hour, I felt happy!
“Maa ashchhe, ami morbona”- well I have always been dramatic like that!

Today, after 5 years, I had the privilege to actually tune into a radio to listen to Mahalaya and not the usual Youtube. Today, for the first time ever in my life I woke Maa up at 4. Today, like every Mahalaya morning, I felt happy.

Maa ashchhe :)
As long as I don’t jinx myself again that is -_-

দমবন্ধ

দমবন্ধ ভীষণ দমবন্ধ। নানা, সারা বিশ্ব জোড়া দমবন্ধ না, বটে, তবুও দমবন্ধ, ভীষণ দমবন্ধ।
আবার? সব জেনেও?
মশাই, লজ্জা দেবেন না 

তখন সময় থমকে দাঁড়ায়

Sitting at the last floor of Acropolis, A heard a bus conductor shout "Ruby Ruby Ruby". Covid scare, even though has brought life to a standstill, A was so glad for these comfort noises which are clearer now.

O kept talking about the rights and wrongs of life, the fairs and mostly unfairs that they face, cry and eventually give up on. S gave occasional nods to it, mostly acknowledging the new decade of life. Three unclear lines of smoke made their turn towards the sky that pointed towards Gariahat. The sky looked orange and yellow on that side, west is it? The other side still had an Autumn blue to it. The city had a trademark humid evening air almost making A feel guilty of not wanting to settle here immediately. Almost consoling, 'someday when you're at a better place, someday!'. By now S had shifted to the dreamscape that is on the cards and all for good; O approved of the domestication that would save most of their wreckage, almost blocking A-s sky viewing. In the dying light A noticed, how there are darker worry lines on their foreheads. Were they always there? Or are these age lines? A must have had them too then. When did they get so old? When did they get so calm? When did they start to form clear sentences that made clear sense without inviting immediate retaliation? What is this life full of incomplete stories and unknown impossibilities. What have they become? 

In the silence of the evening, A could hear some other bus conductor shout "Ruby Ruby Ruby". Noises, comforting noises. This will do. This is enough.

To Be

Some people feel like sunshine
Some people feel like storm
Some people would take your breath away
Some people would choke your song
Some people talk of dark nights
Some people talk of dawns
Some people are ice cold
Some people are blanket warm

Oh to be
The sunshine song
Oh to be
The warm dawn
Oh to be.

But to get?
But to have?
Poem for another life !

-Abhishikta

Viraah

 Woke up to a storm. Just when I ranted to my heart's content on how I am going to die if the gorom remains this way throughout yesterday, without ANY exaggeration since I almost felt feverish, woke up to a storm.

It is funny how my life has always been blessed only at the point beyond which I wouldn't survive without them. Just as I was discussing with N the other day whether to be thankful or angry about it. And, and it's raining. Could it get any better? :)

The pessimist prays for the networks to not die. It could be an awesome day otherwise. Pretty please!

Current favorite song on loop and rains for now :')