Haiku Attempt 1.2

Rowed to cloud, the queen
The cloud, only wanted green
Love poet, grateful

Had a very shiny nose

Everyone who is/was ‘homecoming’ to Kolkata &/| ,

Everyone who is/was getting married &/| ,

Everyone who is earning &/| ,

Everyone who is/was not dumped ,

Congratulations but please stop doing this to me or my mother and live your own blessed life!

2015,

What’s next in line? Cancer?

Please Fuck Off NOW!

There Are Two Kinds Of People

• Ones who write flowery tales about Kolkata and never really arrive there for money/emotional constraints and the ones who stay, feel or at least visit there whenever the heart wants.
• Ones who swear at the IT world yet never really leave it or work properly (or at all) for that matter and the ones who swear at the IT world yet work, earn shit loads and bloat with silent pride.
• Ones who drink for being presentable enough and end up drinking alone all life and the ones who drink with ‘friends’ and gather happy tales.
• Ones who wear white dress with black and pink polka dots, look beautiful for a date night and realize there is no and would never be a date night and the ones who end their date nights with a kiss or more.
• Ones who click the like button at all the happy smiles of consistencies over the years, silently praying to the Gods to finally show mercy and the ones who actually get to be with the consistencies and smile without pretentions.
• Ones who dream of certain simple moments but never really get them and the ones who would make you want to dream, nomatter what, over and over and all over again.
• Ones who stalk all night and the ones whose nights have all the colors in or across Geography.
• Ones who were loved and the ones who would always be loved.
• Ones who are killed and the ones who are dead.

Keep Your Guard Up

Keep your guard up,
One plus one is no infinity.
Petite is not necessarily pretty.
Baby talks, old songs, winter morning brew?
Don’t be fooled, yes you’ve shamed,
But what was, is, not for you.
Cry over the dead man
Not over the love,
Even if you’re abandoned,
Keep your guard up.

-Abhishikta

Bela Sheshe

After almost 15 minutes of trying/wanting to write something about this movie, I still sit with a white screen.

My first brush with the movie happened in the first week of October when I would play all the nonsense and no nonsense Bengali Pujo songs on Youtube. So I came across this O Thakur song (such Kolkata Pujo) and read the reviews and watched a hall print of the same. I almost convinced half the world to watch the hall print for the sheer perfection that the movie is. Yesterday I discovered the good print on Youtube, YAY aa gaya so I would request the other half of the world, the naak uchu and my love types, to PLEASE watch this movie and THINK.

I have never been a fan of Bengali movies but then, Swatilekha reminded me of Dida while she sang “Bhobo shagoro tarono” with the grandchildren over the terrace, or while she did tel maalish to the boro natni. When she ran around the kid with bhaat or when she slipped away for random shit serial. She was everything that my Dida has been, except for the unappreciated wife. Their relationship however reminded me of my own, rather the absence of it and here comes another reason why I want everyone to watch this. I believe they should make it a compulsion for all separated couples to watch this movie together.

There is a dialogue (various dialogues in fact) where one talks of the subtle line between bhalobasha and obbhyesh while the other defines how, for some, obbhyesh tai bhalobasha. I cannot even write an inch of the awesomeness that the dialogues are. The wall clock and Pabda machh disappointments, like everyone else, just so normal, just so perfect. Add everything else with the scenes of ‘Khowai’, the moonlit night Kopai nodir dhare, the movie can make one to cry on a lonely Friday night, change your mind probably. Please! “milon hobe kotodine’ actually made me homesick, and wonder how home is a concept. And what happens when you are abandoned from home because? Just because.

The game that they play at Bolpur (and Bolpur WILL make you nostalgic for Bangla, if you’ve ever been to Shantiniketan and/or shonibarer haat), somewhat like the one we played with the entire group at lake during college days, nobody is interested anymore to know, however I would play anyway, because one day I believe, one day, and so

I wish to go: London eye te, with an ice cream and you
I wish to be: at peace
I wish to have: you
I wish to meet: Ranvijay

All the piled up things that were not said in the five lives that they show in the movie, and the songs. The ‘tumi robe nirobe’ instrumental that I can play on loop forever these days, or the “o j mane na mana” can actually choke you with the lyrics, if you happen to understand that is. Could you possibly ever understand so much Bangla?
Ami joto boli tobe, ebar j jete hobe, duare daraye bole nan a na, o j mane na mana…

This movie is plain beautiful. The official trailer that they had where the directors said,
‘kintu ponchash bochhor por o era jante chay, kuri bochhor por o era chhnute chay, sholo bochhor por o era pete chay, dosh bochhor por o era j kadte chay, paanch bochhor por o era j ador chay’ actually would give you goosebumps. Unlike reality, this movie ends on a positive note, people get back their loves and continue with their happy ever afters.

However, the defining line of the movie says,
“haater opor haat rakha khub shohoj noy
shara jibon boite para shohoj noy”  

Kintu etotai ki kothin?
Do watch. Youtube has a fine print now :)

Another year passed, a day late, thanks to my bad internet and self wailing night.
I miss you still.
Be happy wherever you are with the uncool Gods,  and grant a little for me, you know how.
Please.
Rest in peace, Always!

How Long Can You Keep A Paper Umbrella You Loved

Interesting title? It is. Came across this line on one of the many write-ups that I have been reading all day long for the last few days, nonstop. Jobless? Yes! No shit. This along with Ankita Saha’s (Yes I have way too many Ankita’s in my life) dp (posted later), made me miss Kolkata all the more. The St Pauls Cathedral (its lookalike at Chennai) where she stands so pretty in her dp has been the cradle of my childhood especially (and only) because of the awesome schooling that I had. So much missing made me buy over priced tickets to the Promised Land, even during this time of utter poverty where new Pyjamas have become too much of luxury. And Noone can be blamed of course!

Because, other than the obvious and much talked about, when I close-my-eyes!
St Pauls- Nandan- Bridge- Bk Market Goli- Right- Piccadilly- School- Left- Mrs.Naik’s- Right- KV- Left- Raina’s- right- Patha Bhavan- Straight- Gariahat- Left- Bijan Setu- Straight-  Right- Left-  Munnididi’s- Rathtala- Right- Masjid- Left- Right- Pukur- KayosthoPara- Right- Ramlal- Left- Safui- Straight- Khaal- Right- Left- Straight- Purple House!

Pocha told me a while ago that she wants to take up her Kalikapur to 8B auto once again without the sense of ultimatum associated with it. This was before she fell in love again and visions and missions and takes changed, like everyone else's. But the tangents of taking all those shosta and ever so known autos are peaceful. I wonder if I was born at the wrong place or chose the wrong profession. Or maybe both.

In another write up, an IT professional wrote in the year 2010 while leaving for his ILP at Gandhinagar that he is giving himself the next 5 years and by the time it will be 2015, the city will have him back. I wonder what happened to him and his currents whereabouts too. Someday I would stalk him over social networking to find out. This also made me wonder, 5 years from leaving home, 2020! How would I be at 2020? Initial plan of 2020 is long forgotten (?) but then, I hope I would be able to order a medium Pizza and Fanta/Sprite on a Friday night in the year 2020, at a house which would be home and plan for a movie for Saturday before going off to sleep, peacefully. But then, dreams are dreams and not everyone has the luxury of everything because “you have the strength to go past all this” and just because you have the strength, you’d be abandoned. Yes babe!

So, how long can you keep a paper umbrella you loved? ‘Loved’ is a wrong word. You always love. When you love, you love. When I say ‘you’ I mean everyone but ‘you’. However, the current scenario shows tall buildings of glass around. These buildings are so horribly perfect that it makes me nauseous. And inside these tall glass buildings, people do random shit for random people and pretend to enjoy. Good for everyone. The only solace is. Maggi is BACK, little mercies of staple dinner till I die then!  Wonder if my sister is all so happy because she won’t have to share the Maggi and chanachur anymore with me or sad because I won’t be there to make us the fried version (which is the ONLY thing I can prepare decently). I wonder. Like I do, for a lot many things.  Uh Well. Dinner time then. Because I promised.

And as the sweet George Eliot said,

“What novelty is worth that sweet monotony where everything is known, and loved because it is known?”

THE 30th of November!

10 years dekhte dekhte aaj!
Oh Dio my Dio ^_^

Little Kindness: Rajput Jamai Niceness

D: R eka eka Bangalore e mon kharap lagle ekhane chole ashish
A: Ki kore ashbo bol, variable pay tao toh pabona
D: Tui pabina toh ki, Ami toh pabo! Aay.

Little footage, bina birthday to the stud pointer, for THIS and everything else of course ^_^
'For the night is dark and full of terrors'

Note to self on a typical 'Dewale Peeth Theka' situation

Because one Mahattam Rai told Dadu during his military days, and Dadu told me many many years ago,
"DHUNDO WAHI JAHA KHOYE HO"

Stuck In Reverse

Just because

'I will try to fix you',

It does not necessarily mean

You would want the fixing too.

Just because

'I will try to fix you',

It does not necessarily mean

You would need the fixing too.

However,

'Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you'

-Abhishikta

Since the competition decided to fail me, I shall publish this here!

Title 1: Bhaibba Komu, suggested by Sir (without reading)
Title 2: Anarosh, suggested by Titoo (without reading)
Journey Inspiration: Ankita Chowdhury

Destination Inspiration: Prajakta Yadav

Photo Courtesy: Raja Mukherjee

THE

‘So you’re sure that you do not want me to accompany you for this trek?’

Ishaan was not taking my decision to travel alone to the Valley of Flowers too well. This is the fifteenth time in the last 3 days that he asked me this question and he of course knows my answer!

‘But why Meera? You will have 9 other unknown people in the trek and what difference would it make if I accompany you? I am your boyfriend for Christ’s sake!’

It is not that I do not want to explain the reason to Ishaan but I have explained the same old logic fifteen times over,that I want to travel alone, without the subtle ‘protection’ from him. We live together anyway, so, taking a solo trip for a few days will not change anything about ‘us’.

‘Are you even listening Meera? I am talking to YOU’.

I finally had to lift my eyes from the book and answer, ‘Baby! How many times will we discuss over this? I would be FINE in the trek and we have had many romantic trips together. I want a single trip now !!!’

Ishaan did not look too happy and I have not seen him making such a dirty face to me in a long time. I knew he is angry but I do not see a reason why.

‘No Meera, this time I am not going to give in to what you say. I discussed you’re travelling alone to Mumma and she is offended. The daughter-in-laws of the Avasthi family are dignified women, they do not travel alone with other unknown people,Mumma said’

This made me totally leave my book away and look at him in amazement!

‘Okay then,Mister Ishaan Avasthi,ask your Mumma if the daughter-in-laws of the Avasthi family jump into bed before marriage? Or do they aid the men for their booze? And you my love, never ever forget, we are not married yet!’

‘And we would never be if you continue this attitude of yours Meera! Look! I’ve told you nicely and politely, but if you cannot understand that way then let me tell you this, you either go to this stupid trek of yours with me or you do not go. You have five minutes to decide or else, I leave you and this house, TODAY!’

This took me back to Hyderabad bus terminus 5 years ago.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

‘But you’llbe a single girl travelling! Alone!’, the ticket master said with extra stress on ‘ALONE’, as he tried to enquire on the ugliness of my face and the firmness of my breasts through his one look.

‘So give me a seat beside another lady and that solves the problem’ I added instantly, too disgusted with his eyes looking down on me, which looked as if it could scan beneath my pink shirt.

‘There is no other single woman Madam, the ladies of India travel with family. You too should not travel alone like this’

Too irritated with his moral policing, I shoved the money in, took my ticket and went towards the white bus that would take me to Pune, to my brother, who recently moved there for work. I took my window seat, there was a 9 hours journey ahead and I was sleepy. I saw families all around, the men trying to arrange the windows, the women making bottled milk for their babies, some cuddling to the potbellied husbands. I brought out my headphones and watched the bus terminus. People in lungi were selling chikki. I bought a packet of Chikki for my brother from the bus window. By this time, a man who looked a few years elder to me, in loose yellow Kurta, came and sat beside me. The bus engine growled and it was finally time to start my first ever long distance journey alone.

The vendors slowly started to fade away from sight, Hyderabad looked beautiful in the night. Coldplay’s ‘Yellow’ filled in my ears, the breeze was just perfect and my eyes felt heavy. It was a tough day at work and I came directly from my office to the bus terminus, I was tired and I needed sleep. I do not know how soon or late I felt asleep, I think ‘Suzanne’ was the last song I remember being played on my headset from that night before I was fast asleep.

Shreeeeeeeeek! The bus pulled down.

My eyes were still heavy and I was still tired. It took me a while to understand where I am, the normal thing that happens when you wake up from deep sleep. The mp3 player was playing ‘Zingadieksafarhaisuhana’, and before I could blink my eyes I realized something heavy on my chest. In the micro second between my realizing what it is and what was happening, the heavy hand shifted brushing past my nipples, quite understandably. I got cold with fear and disgust. I looked beside. The other hand of the man beside me was covered by the Kurta lines and there was movement, obvious movements, ugly rhythmic movements. The time stopped for me and I did not know what to do. I wanted to shout, I wanted to scream and slap him but not a word I could utter. I was choked, I do not know if it was anger or fear, but I could not say a word.

The man suddenly got up, the demon smiled and raced towards the door. The bus had already stopped at this place called Satara. He got down, and I was still in shock and disgust. Within moments the bus pulled in and he was a random figure in distance who had shaken my soul forever. I did not know if I was more disgusted with the man for doing what he did to me, or with myself for not speaking up for myself. I hated myself at that moment. All those classes of women empowerment, all those slogans of self-help since high school has all gone in vain. I wanted to vanish away that moment. I have been touched and felt by a man while I was sleeping and I did not slap him, I did not say one word! The bus started to take pace and suddenly I was reminded of my mother’s worries when I said I would be travelling alone from Hyderabad to meet bhaiya, Daddy told me to keep on calling him after every few hours. The ticket master, the chikkiseller, the married woman in the front seat, the uncle at the back seat, were they all right with their looks when they realized that I have no father, brother, husband, boyfriend or any other “MAN” to protect me? Is the society right in thinking that we, as women need support because we are too sublime and because we cannot stand up for ourselves. And what have I done to prove them wrong? How would I ever face myself I wondered but there had to be a way.

It was very close to morning, I could see the morning light. One of the kids in the bus started wailing for its mother to attend to it while the father snored happily. Is this going to be my future one day? Isn’t this my present as well? Silent submission to whatever the males do, no matter whoever the male is? And in that moment, I decided I will not let this incident hinder my self-confidence.  Yes, I have been a coward, yes, I did not stand up for myself out of fear but this was the first and last time ever in my life. I promised to myself, I would never ever submit to anyone ever. I will not be afraid, of anyone or anything. I am and shall forever be, a strong, independent and self-sufficient woman!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I observed him carefully as he walked to the door. I knew that time was running out but suppressed the urge to check my watch. I took a deep breath and started counting in reverse under my breath. "Ten, nine, eight, seven..."

I do not know how much time has passed since Ishaan’s ultimatum. Has it been five minutes already? I think it has been, because he has already turned towards the exit door of our flat. Should I stop him? But why should I? The promise that I made to myself that I will never give up to the oppressions of any man, come what may, whoever that man is, will have no meaning if I give in today. All of that because this man I love would share his surname with me some day? I understand that he is concerned and I would have loved his company but this trip I want for myself and he should understand that. At least he should not have given me the ultimatum. The smirks of the man in yellow Kurta has haunted me, left me broken for days and today, I think I am an independent strong woman and I decide how my life is going to be, at least after that night. Or am I not?

I observed him carefully as he walked to the door. I knew that time was running out but suppressed the urge to check my watch. I took a deep breath and started counting in reverse under my breath. "Ten, nine, eight, seven..." What should I do? Should I stop him? Should I let him go? There are just three more steps between him and the flat door and after that I will lose him. Or wait, he will lose me instead? I was numb. These are the moments in life when you have to act and react, and this one action determines your destiny, you create your own destiny during moments like these. This is it!

“Ishaan” I said, and as he turned around I quickly added, “Goodbye!”

I observed him carefully as he walked to the door. I knew that time was running out but suppressed the urge to check my watch. I took a deep breath and started counting in reverse under my breath. "Ten, nine, eight, seven..."

^_^

Careful what you wish for.

Celebrating Life

‘Well, your daughter has blood cancer last stage’ the doctor said and I looked at Maa whose face looked white. She looked at me, about to cry or scream and I tried to look cool. ‘Arre last stage, kichhu korar nei, kedona’ I said. Moments later, for some strange reason, I was all alone in some blue and white room and I knew I did not have to pretend to be cool about the Cancer anymore.
I start crying and shivering. I shouted at the Gods, “WHY! Fuck. WHY” and suddenly I knew why. All those extended prayers to the one million Gods saying ‘if you cannot bring him, kill me’ ‘if you cannot give me eventual happiness, take my life today’ were answered. I start crying.
Yes yes yes, I am a hypocrite. I do not want to die. At least not because of a certain him who sleeps away to glory or the happiness which won’t come, I do not want to die. I cannot believe its last stage. Oh God! I take back my prayers. These prayers and all those during semester where while crossing the road I instigated Gods saying ‘if you have to fail me, kill me before that’ and I always lived. And today, since I’m dying, I know the ‘him’ and the ‘happiness’ I do not deserve and some tall pretty one does. But I deserve to live. Why did I even ask for those? Life is more important than all of that. Shit!

What? The heading and the story does not go hand in hand? Ohkay tiny little hands are not meant for any hand anyway. Well. I did not decide on writing on this topic suddenly because it’s my mother’s birthday and Dida’s ‘kaaj’ day, or because it’s Udita’s birthday and her father’s one year death anniversary. I write this today because I woke up very relieved after that horrendous dream, and also because I am trying not to bring the actual concerns in public.
After a long long time, today, I am so glad that I’m alive. Subhayan told me to celebrate with chocolates and coffee. And so I should. I do not have cancer, I’m going to live another day, year, and decade. Happily or not, I am going to live. Reason enough for a toast eh?
Cheers

Place one word after the other,
Pretend to write moving poetry.
Place one foot after the other,
Pretend to be the hero of your story.

-Abhishikta

Happy Nostalgia of A Perfect Day :')

There are certain days which, even though does not turn to be too fruitful, would always remain etched in your memory. Today is one such day, 10th of November 2013, at around 4 in the morning my 'first' job happened (at least that is how I thought of it then).

The entire saga of 2days and one night, the car- local train- auto- apti- cheating (YES! I did)- results1- Yay!- wait- wait- wait- wait- wait- lines- wait- wait- wait- fever- wait- wait- written round- wait- wait- fever- wait- wait- wait- GD- results2- YaY!- walk- moonlight- dinner- skip- interview- wait- wait- wait- fever- more fever- wait- wait-wait- wait- chicken roll- skip- wait- wait- interview- smiles- long chat- stairs- wait- wait-wait- wait- lobby baji of the host college- bribe talks overheard- heat- wait- wait- wait- results3- YAY!- bus- station- croissant- local train- sunrise- sleep- station- walk- chakri ta ami peye gechhi bela shunchho- blush- walk- dawww- auto- whispers- home- happiness

And if I ever have to think of a day that was just perfect, I cannot think beyond this day, beyond today. God really gives you certain wonderful wonderful and perfect days to prove that he ain’t a bad chap after all huh? Let whatever happened be, for I would just love to cherish the memories of today as probably the single most perfect day(s) of my life.

Also, Happy Diwali everyone. My bari looks its prettiest best today, like every Kali Pujo, except that I'm not around.

P.S. If you happen to live at Chennai or Bangalore, save the candles, charge the phones and do not wear ochre pants to work for some time now!
Learn from the theke shekha expert. Do not repeat my mistakes :P And, do not wash clothes, I repeat, DO NOT wash clothes! :DHappy baarish ka mausam which will lead to the oshojjho winter all you happy people :)

যত বলি 'নাই রাতি, মলিন হয়েছে বাতি' ; মুখপানে চেয়ে বলে, 'না, না, না ।'

Teri nazron mein hai tere sapne
Tere sapno mein hai naraazi
Mujhe lagta hain k baatein dilki
Hoti lafzoon ki dhokhebaazi
Tum saath ho ya na ho kya fark hai
Bedard thi zindagi bedard hai

Karon Shohor Ta K Boddo Bhalobashi

Leaving home is never easy and never has been, at least for me. Especially when the sudden round trips cost you your entire month’s salary! Today happens to be my last day in the city and I see no homecoming for the next four long months. I have always believed that Titoo has been exaggerating about the influence that Madly Bangali has on the day before you leave home, but today, when it has been the classical case of “Tomar holo shuru amar holo shara” with him, the holiday starting and ending bit, I got back to Madly Bangali, the movie that once stopped me from going away to the much too near Chhattisgarh for B-Tech. Today it cannot hold me back, nothing possibly can. I wish I could curl up in my purple house and my purple tinted room today, forever and just stay! Just stay!

Someday I am going to be good enough for the city to take me in, to accept me. Someday for sure. Inshallah! SO, another solo fight begins and I do not wish to go. Especially this time. NOT this time, LORD no! And here comes the much too known debate on the progress of Kolkata on the IT sector and/or the influence of politics on the entire scene. How the entire new generation is out of the city and every footage, every ad, every photograph that represents Kolkata has middle aged Kakima’s doing Thakur Boron or old aged Dadu’s smiling over a haari of roshogolla! An entire generation, my generation slogging far far away (some by choice of course). I wish things could change. I’m talking too morkot aha? While Kolkata sleeps and I count my last few hours here, I realize that there is nowhere in the world I’d rather wish to be. But then, not everyone is luky with wishes. See you soon my love. 

Elam, shohor.

31.10.2013

Woke up to the age old ‘Ik teekhi teekhi si’ on the local cable followed by 2 States on Star Gold! These are the days when you try and put up a straight face to whatever that is there and still bear to stand up and tall (?).

It happens to be 31^st of October. Remember? The day I was made to believe that dreams become reality and it is okay to dream. Two years, few cheap lies, upfront insults and a million experiences later I am still alive and not dreaming anymore because there is no point.

I would not even delete my last post because it would constantly remind me of the boot licking nonsense that I have (had) become. Thank God for friends before they all become too busy with their respective families and kids of course. Or Bangalore eats me up. Sir was up in fumes at my blog leaving. Sir I love you! :*

Another thing which I realized is, leaving the blog was a little bit of escapism. You start becoming the person you love slowly slowly and this cheap stunt at escapism of mine made it clear. THAT is not me. So here I am, the non quitting self, back to business. This time, more silent, more patient and with a little more self respect than ever before.

And I shall not give up on anything, or anyone, or myself. But will not ghyan ghyan to the world anymore. Not in the blog at least. And no biye talks. There shall be no biye plans because there will be NO biye and no baby naming (which happened to be ‘Hreed’), adopted or not. Nobody needs to know.

Note to self, again and again, The world is harsh so shut up and deal. Also, this is my last ghyan ghyan post. Nothing shall ever come on in public anymore, to save people of guilt, because the last thing I want is sympathy. Since today is 31^st, I’m allowed to do ‘THIS’ for the last time.

Shubho Bijoya everyone.

Happy 13^th (?) Anniversary Dibhai and Neelkanth da. I am very very proud of you. And happy that there still is such love, somewhere at least.

And NOW,

Let’s get back to business ^_^
Forever and ever and a little bit more!

Signing Off

This is my last post. Thank You everyone for hanging on to my shit. In some other life if I get back the light you might see me again, or maybe not. However, I had a brilliant time and am going to go through all the old posts across the blogs again and again for the little and only source of happiness that is left in my life. I hope they stay. But you are not going to hear from me as it stands. For how long I cannot exactly tell. Forever? One day? A week? A year? Forever? Depends on my desperation and when I say desperation, I exactly mean sluttiness. Anyway. Tata.
God Bless

:'

Bichharnewale Mein Sabkuch Tha, Bewafai Na Thi :)

A rather dramatic title because I AM a rather dramatic person with a RATHER dramatic life. And it has been long established. And I am beyond caring. Also because Fawad Khan looks the hotness that he is while a beautiful Urdu song with these words play on screen and he gives a blank side profile in black spectacles and grey jacket. Ufffff!!!! *_*

But the original topic that I wanted to write about,
Of Being Classy and Gifting Chocolates,

These days, I get dollops of cheek fat even at the mention of the word chocolate. However, this post, other than testifying my lack is also about this interesting discussion with Amit about being Classy. The topic started when we finished our lunch, I ditched my fruit bowl, for overpriced chicken, like I did for the last few days, because it is Navratri :D
So Amit HAS to have a coke after chicken, the borolokis I tell you and the consequent fat that I get. The foodmart inside the Cafeteria has this nice chocolate section which got me completely lost in the Green rum and raisin temptations because of a certain April evening two and a half years ago and Amit knew why, thanks to my extensive ghyan ghyans and also since he had to buy chocolates for his date today, I got lucky too. I further ate his head on the art of gifting chocolates, especially on a date and/or after being rude, especially when Abhimanyu is on vacation and I absolutely have zero female company at office, what else can I possibly do about my idiosyncrasies anyway. The poor man suffers my ghyan ghyan silently or not! :”D

The original reason for visiting the mart, Coke, as in the liquid. Today I was stern on Ami Khaboina (Ankita will be happy to know) so Amit got himself an overpriced can over pet bottle because? 'Can Classy lagta hai, ladkiya dekhengi'. And thus started my hour long discussion on, Classy can nahi, Classy insaan hota hai. I do not think he, who spends every weekend at Delhi for a reason which directly contradicts the reason for which he left early today understands. I am not saying I do much. But one thing that my middle aged existence has taught me is the fact that Classy is not in show offs, that iphone that you have, that bullet that you ride, the thin waist that you grab, the car that you take, the girl that you dump, the rings that you smoke, is NOT classy. Not caring is not classy. And most importantly, TRYING TO BE classy, is so not classy :)

That was all about it.

Quick gyaan bitoron. Did you know that every day of Navratri has a different color? This eventually started off as dressing MataRani in that colored Saari and later of course everyone started dressing up in the same color. Today it was blue, yesterday it was Red. If only the roommate told this to me (rather than Blue pehen Pagal) before I went all green to office today to find a blue world! :P

And,

WaistLength Hair, Check! ^_^

Bela Sheshe?

When you're too numb to write about a certain movie with a certain 'obhyesh' dialogue which reminds you of Dida-Dadu partly and partly makes you sad for yourself. A far away Mahalaya and probable homecoming suddenly reminds you of the probable meaningless to it all.
I wish I had the luck and company to watch this movie properly rather than the hall print. However, wow!
Shaarod Shubhechha. Bhalo theko.
Baki jaai e boli, bojhar khomota karor nei r ki. However, tumi robe nirobe. Literally quite. Sigh.

One Year of Slavery. DrumRolls Please!

When Ankita reminded Diptarka about our ‘anniversary’, he thought it is her ‘prem dibosh’! The fool that he is. So, 8^th of October, our one year anniversary at Accenture and it already feels like a lifetime. From losing people I love the most (no exaggeration there) to getting people who love me the most (a little exaggeration there); it was quite a remarkable journey, both personally and professionally. I regained (wait, regained? Such a gawar I am man!) Sir and Olivia in this span somehow :)
So this is going to be a very long post and I may have missed people and scenes and episodes. Also, you may excuse yourself from reading such a big post and do yourself a favor.

October- The month I joined Accenture. I still remember on Choturthi morning I got this mail saying the joining location will be Kolkata and excited I called A, who was more interested about ‘thakur ante hobe salt lake theke beriye’. Well! 8^th of October was the day after Lokkhi Pujo, Dida and Maashi were supposed to go home that day. I wore this peach formal shirt which was heavily scrutinized by Maashi, early in the morning. Both Maa and Baba accompanied me to Sonnet. Rituparna was the only one I knew a little from the interview day because both Angana and the other Rituparna joined Bangalore and Suchishmita ditched Accenture for Wipro. I was bowled over by Debarati Dutta who seemed so smart and perfect despite her not so perfect structure. ‘Free Food at a posh hotel’ was the highest high for the day. They served this one strange Ice Cream on mousse something that day and I was so happy. I came home with mishti doi for Dida that evening before she left for Bilaspur and that happened to be the last day I saw her, the last time I bought her something. Then there were these sessions at Swissotel where I saw Rai over the Ice Cream counter during lunch, serving, and I did not know how to face her. It was a very very awkward situation where I learnt the little professionalism that I know now. It was the month when I met Ankita Guha over the amazing Shreya Talwar class, we were ‘THE ACE, first to the Zenith’, it was also the time when we absolutely hated Diptarka and DK for the ‘one-a-bees’ and the pakamo that they were constantly doing, it was the time Rituparna pulled me to show this ‘bright red shirt wala oversmart chhele with khub sweet girlfriend’ who was also discussed about by Ankita and Shalini over free food, it was the time when I told Maa at Ruby mor that Ankita Chowdhury would never become a friend because she smiles too much. Past the initial honeymoon period, started our class with RajShekhar Babu. Kaustav and Atreyo were quite the entertainers and I could not help laughing all the while. Anuradha sat beside me on day1 GFT where she introduced me to this ‘shamne bosha forsha meyeta jaar naam Isita bhishon bhalo code kore’. She of course changed the seats later beside Ankita C. Guha and I were hitched for life with Bhookhi and Abhinoba beside us. Thus started our Croissant Days of CMC and also the KFC sessions kal theke taka bachabo bhebe bhebe. I remember Ankita explaining every small Java code with utmost patience while I always kept looking at her and wondering ‘ ei meyeta eto shokale train e kore esheo eto shaje ki kore’! Little by little I realized Diptarka is such a sweetheart! The extended Antakshari and Dumbcharades sessions because Rajshekhar thought ‘someone is keeping count man!’ fueled in a lot of chhichke prem and strong friendships. It was the month of my first salary and the horrible nigh when Dida left us all. It was extremely sweet of A to stay up the entire night with me, on the other side of the phone, before I told Maa the news at 4am, even though there was an early morning Kochi flight to catch. It was also the only day that gave me the only major disappointment from him which I won’t be able to tell him why sadly. However, first salary day and month which I celebrated alone because people I love were away. Then came 31^st October, one remarkable year in another tangent went past alone again. However, I was having fun with the sector V life which was quite an important thing the wishlist, the id pore lunch khawa office paray and all that jazz.

November- Another important month! Saari and Diwali photos introduced Susmita Misra, the billi eyed, forsha, high end other section girl who was Chowdhury’s friend. Guha’s initial take on Chowdhury was changed completely, as per my prediction and thus started some amazing girl bonding. GFT ended and our last and final people skill classes were at Hyath! Tadaaaa! Our girl gang almost bagged all the prizes and Diptarka kept swearing at our trainer. The lady however, gave us a few very important love and life sessions! So the entire GFT batch shifted to Trijal while we, the lucky (?) people got Unitech! Oh did I mention the lafalafi Diprtaka, Guha and I did at Oracle apps declaration while Atreyo was hell bent on ‘Java holo evergreen technology’ with his specific accent. I so wanted SAP which Chowdhury, Susmita and Anuradha got but I was just happy, java toh paini, thank god! I was a little jealous of the ABAP people and Ranita was wondering why Susmita is happy with ABAP and Chowdhury rather than being sad about losing her and Oracle Apps. At Unitech, our sole Rajotto was hampered by this other high end group I did not know of. I was a little angry initially at Diptarka who seemed to find his soul mate in Ranita, Raja, Pratip, Moubashshir and Soujita and we did not know them! However, slowly tables turned, days passed with horrible frustration at Abdul Chacha and we started to find solace in each others’ miserable state. Also, I flunked. First time and then second time. And my partner for life, Guha, stayed beside! It was this time when I first ever had my tears in public. It was this time when people came back from Kochi, the time when Nandaja came back from Gandhinagar and I got to know the awesomeness of Rajputs! Isita and Ankita stayed beside me rock solid during those days of continuous failure, Aunty went up to the extent of going to Rajpur Mandir for me, very very sweet of her because I was going mad. Poor A did not know what to do and hence treated me with Ice Cream whenever I failed. Somehow at last attempt GFT we passed and first attempt at stream test the ENTIRE class flunked. We of course celebrated it with ice cream while I sulked and A tried cheering me up, somehow. Poor man sacrificed the weekend meets and food and movies because I, had to study and I of course frustrated the one and only with usual job pressure and general pressure and what not. Well.The mandir runs with Maa and mannats continued.

December-After much drama we passed the stream! Yay! Ankita actually danced when she saw the ‘P’. I cannot even begin to thank Hamid-da for it. The SAP ABAP, SD, Testing and Java groups had already started coming to Unitech and we could not wait to join them on bench. Raja’s birthday inaugurated our bench period and this period changed my life forever. December was when Babuida got married and I was extremely happy. December was also when Ankita broke up and cried her lungs out while the blue man was seen in and around Accenture campus leaving the TCS building behind for afternoon walks. There were many movies and too much gossip and more shopping and adult talks around this time. I spotted and was proud of the Diocesan connect with Fullora who headed KDC pretty much and pretty well. The proxy ITP attendance was on and it was also the time the Friday musicals started. I realized the new and wonderful side to Aniket rather than his usual swearing around this time. We voluntarily registered for training because we had absolutely nothing do! And 50% of the salary was spent on food. The cafeteria people started to know our orders even before we could say. The 5^th floor canteen sold amazing ice cream and mousse and it became a ritual to eat and watch the pretty sunset every evening.

January- January took away all the colors from my life. The cafeteria that saw me chirping and snatching desserts in the evening now only had me staring at the sunset. The Rajarhat sunset from such great height is a breathtaking view. I do not remember crying that much and being that thin is a long long time. Ankitas, Isita, Susmita and Anuradha were as patient as possible with me because I had literally stopped talking, back then. Diptarka and Moubashshir almost pulled me out of the Endeca training and spent the evening explaining at the Breakout area. I remember my condition and Diptarka said ‘next time thot kapte dekhte ek chor lagabo’. Oh how much I love these people. A got his job around this time and I met the one, the last time, like old times, in January itself. I also met Tuhinda for the first time. I knew it was the start of the most haunting year of my life. Baba was sure I am suffering from illness but then, the Friday evening musicals brought me solace. I remember postponing the Karunamoyee mela and smiling wide, after a long long time when Chire and Aniket did the brilliant ‘Kokhon Tomar ashbe Telephone’ and the entire Rec room clapped in awe! We missed the bapida’r momo that day. It was also the time when I drowned the little self-respect that was left and begged.

February- February was like a little happiness pixie dust in my otherwise gloom. A joined work, did not care to say Bye of course. I was introduced to Barua in February, the local hero teamed with Ankita for the TT tournament and I saw very little of Ankita that month. We again registered for Hyperian training and the sad heart low weight disgusting person that I had become, I needed a holiday. I remember discussing this for the first time with Raja and Diptarka. The plan was finalized in the class and off we went. Barua of course agreed for certain reasons and it was this trip that I got to know him better! On the way back Titoo broke the news of Kaustav Mohanty’s last stage cancer. I was shocked and sad. He passed away a few days later and I MUST admit here that we had a little of mutual jhari relationship for a few months in class 11 before he went absolutely nerd. The final TT championship happened after Bakkhali, Barua won and I got Mousse and Pastry treat! The mixed doubles went down the Hoogly but Ankita still bagged a prize with Nita di. It was around this time that we became friends with Joyda! SUCH A WONDERFUL MAN. I started idealizing him and his story with Heena di! Jeet and Raja and Ankita started teaching me TT this time itself and Guha started complaining about no carom tournament. Her expert carom stunts brought her one million ghayal admirers! Soon it was time for Graduation party. Ankita and Annu put up the most spectacular dance performance, and Chire sang his patent baul gaan. I shouted my lungs out, danced away to glory, such was my sadness. Anuradha had tears, while Urmish went for MBA interview, when Kaushik sang ‘naa tere bina lagda jee’ that night and I noticed, I just noticed, and sighed at the lyrics. GFT party was the last time the entire batch of 100 was there together and the terms of everyone with everyone was normal. Soujita accepted Atreyo’s proposal formally that day itself. Ankita C drove us to office to Ecospace to Ruby and Shiva went you girls must call me back when you reach-a. Anuradha got an admirer who wanted to help the poor lone girls. Bleh. Anuradha left for Pune soon enough. Their little romance on the last day on the last seat of the bus broke my heart a little. Wet-o-wild saw us too.

March- March had world cup finals and a disappointing scene in the cafeteria. It was March when Barua left (and we missed the fish) and then Ankita did. Women’s day was celebrated and I can still hear Aniket singing ‘sun-ri-sakhi’. I don’t think I’ve heard something so beautiful, live, ever. EVER! Ankita refused to perform and later she realized it was a mistake. The Pune gang was ready to roll. We had a tough time arranging and agreeing at farewell gifts. I started to wonder who will ever listen to my ghyan-ghyan and not say bad things about the one since Ankita was going already. The only good thing about March was that Neel was back on track. He apologized and waited and did everything he could to win Ankita back. I remember being secretly happy because the rest of the people were still very skeptic about him. I knew things would be more than perfect once she leaves for Pune! March was also the time when Ankita and I sang horrible songs horribly and beautiful songs horribly as well. Guha became the carom expert. While the ABAP people started getting projects, we started to freak out at the Oracle Apps fate this time. Towards the end of March, it was just us and one empty bay. Joyda converted his religion from TT to carom. I started to talk more. Isita was happy at this little improvement and Susmita was sure I shall get what I want; it was just a matter of time! Pritwishda joined KDC and people of the bay went dhak dhak! The Vajra guy also joined KDC and the bench was again full of new people. The Friday musicals started to decrease. People started to get serious and we were still stuck on oporer chicken sandwich na nicher chicken sandwich. I think we watched the dangerous Roy this time. I did all that I could to keep my brains away from the obvious. And read old messages and chats and diaries at night. I looked like shit. Guha’s nayansukh for the Chakraborty guy went strong.

April- One fine morning we were called to a meeting room and the news dawned. Cross training. To? JAVA! I told you the year has been horrible to me. The only stream that I hated so much welcomed me. Raja, who is a sheer Java genius, looked sad as well. The smile that Soujita had because Java=Bangalore=Atreyo created two groups. It was April when Subhayan and I collected our certificates and formally ‘Graduated’. The poor tall man had to tolerate a lot of my drama and request to collect the certificate for the other tall man. It was the month I saw the man I love after long, all so thin, malnourished and changed. April was when the Java classes began, April was when Raja and Guha dedicated their life to explain the codes to me and I could not get a thing, until or course Diptarka and Isita came to their rescue. April was also when I realized what gem of friends I made. April was when we had the earthquakes and we were ready to die together, minus the poor Chitiya Kalaiya Susmita who was still at Unitech while we were sharing Tiffin and eating at Trijal because there was no food around. April was when the Java trainer almost adopted me and I almost killed him with constant haat dekhiye Sir mera! There was a CSR event where the KDC team met. There was Basketball and color and fun, and an exam in a week and also, I was the TL of the group and was shit scared. April was also when the  19^th made me howl. 

May- We passed we passed and I love Guha for all of it. Got back to Unitech and projects started coming. I got the project first, Bangalore. SHIT I was still hopeful that others would get Bangalore too but then, Barua had a prophecy that I’ll get Bangalore and someone I want to stay in the same city with will get Pune. People started getting projects and mostly they got Bangalore except for the friends who got Pune and Mumbai. May was also when KDC Idol happened. While Aniket sang sang ‘aoge jab tum’ I was very close to tears because Diptarka and Ankita probably got Mumbai and then he got Pune and Raja and Isita got Pune and Susmita was at Bang8 which is almost Mysore and all the project phone calls came during that one song. Susmita left first that month next Guha. Diptarka, Isita and my last day was same. I remember Nandaja and Raja seeing us off at the Rajarhat bus stop that Friday which was also Ankita’s second day at Mumbai. Raja gave us chocolates, he looked extremely extremely sad that day, also because his project dates were not confirmed and he was left alone. That was also the last time I saw Nandaja, the amazing woman! May was when I left for Bangalore. May was when I reached and hated Bangalore. May was when Maa left for Kolkata. May was when I needed a phone call, THAT phone call which never came. May broke me down completely.

June- Raja left for Pune. I ate a lot of cake on the 25^th, visited ISKCON and got some peace and lived by the mercy talks of a certain someone all through June. Shifted to PG, cried my eyes out on the first night. Slowly started accepting. Missed Maa and people immensely and finally learnt to eat alone. Joined GYM and stopped going after a week. Started bonding very very well with Amit and Abhimanyu surprisingly. Sejuti introduced me to the girls and I got people to talk to after the day. I learnt to use washing machine! Had my first ever washing powder, scrubber, shampoo, biscuit, vim shopping. Almost made plans to resign every alternate day and Abhimanyu always calmed me down. June was also when I started to feel scared because Amit speaks pure Bihari at times and I started picking those words. I also started to understand little of Marathi because of the dear roomies. Visited places alone, did things alone, listened to songs alone and all the love around made me super jealous in June. Got relocation money, variable pay and felt rich for 2 days before I booked one million flight tickets! Barua’s prophecy almost was true but then, things changed and I was a little happy.

July- 10^th had me crying alone and drinking with office people, the first ever professional party where no one cares what you drink, how much you drink. In the evening when I was telling THE story to Sejuti she said ‘tui ki ektu kadbi?’ and I got calls from Ankita and Isita and Susmita and Barua. Guha constantly pinged if I was fine. Such great friends I made!  Well! July was also when I travelled to Kochi and it was my first travelling alone, in all these years. Met people, met aunty, and heard a forever known voice over the phone. Lovely food and place and a bad news. I had a good time and there is a post on that already. I started gaining weight. Again got back to GYM for a week and finally left the idea completely. Started planning for Goa seriously and wondering if I should cancel Maa’s tickets to Bangalore and visit Kolkata instead. Office kept on frustrating me with its politics and dirty boot licking all around. Promotion not before 2 years was/is the rumor and I hated everything.

August- August was when I travelled at 2 in the morning to Shivanasamudram and I so loved the night ride. It was also when I went to Mysore with the Infosys-Infosys-Infoys-Infosys chanting auto walas everywhere. There was HUGE scene with sign forging and I finally went home for birthday. Maa hugged me teary eyed at the airport and the 4days passed in a jiffy and I was back to the land of show offs. The girls started to cook every weekend and I started gaining more of weight. The consistent missing and love and losing continued. So did the office woes.

September- September was when Goa happened and Mangalore happened and I shall write separate posts on both. However, the Goa night scene which I don’t remember and which I am ashamed to give details of, gave me the best of people in my life. The less I say the better it shall be however, the KDC friends, for you, a thousand million times over. Thank You! One million photos are there to talk of the happy times and no photo of the actual times of warmth. The Thank You mug that I sent to the guys was not even an inch of compensatory gesture for what they did. Not that I want to pay off for the genuine friendship. Wait for a separate Goa post! Mangalore was a tiny little fairyland in the middle of nowhere and if my life continues like this I might shift to Mangalore Infosys at 40 and live alone. Wait for a separate Mangalore post. September was also when a new heartbreak happened by the same old person inadvertently. September was also was when the same person gave me a little hope inadvertently. In reverse order. September was when Chowdhury tolerated my drunk calls, September was also when I loved so much. September was also when there was little confusion in the group. September was also when I started counting my days for Pujo.

October- The little of October that is gone has been spent checking Fab India kurtas which would be of no use of course. Also, everyday is a struggle because they might cancel the leave, like they did for Barua. I was almost ready to resign today over Lync right after they almost cancelled Abhimanyu’s leave. Such slavery man! However. One Year  it is! Had this job not been there would have been no male ego, no being not-good-enough thought and no main aur meri tanhayee drama. Good thing or bad, Happy Anniversary. High Performance? Delivered?

Year 2 Begins!