From "Koel toh puro chom chom Durga" by the random phuchkawala outside the doctor's chamber at Mahalaya to the endless plans, dressing up, meeting people after ages, anjalis, late late late, bhog, checking the kartiks of the crowd and what not! Pujo is almost over and off I go ghurte. And just in case I die, Remember Me =P
and somewhere I am not very happy about not being able to do the boi chhoyano this time although the sudden dark neighbourhood at ekadoshi after the timely and untimely brightness during pujo is depressing.
And while I go, I shall miss.

Neither the best of times nor the best of health

But

MAHALAYA works like Magic!

“Bura Jo Dekhan Main Chala
Bura Na Milya Koi
Jo Mann Khoja Aapna
Toh Mujhse Bura Na Koi”

There was once a time during the growing up years of blame games when I first heard this ‘doha’ from Maa and I need not mention that she explained the meaning too. I never, as a matter of fact NEVER read/ wrote Hindi except for the three exams at school every year. Maa always read out the stories that were there in the syllabus the day before exam and THUS I still have no idea of whether to use the “Badi e” or “Chhoti e” in whichever spelling.

 Having a Mamabari at Madhya Pradesh made me over confident about my Hindi skills, I never cared to read things myself and thus the spellings always pulled my marks down. (But to the person who thinks ‘pheeka’ is stale, I knew and still know MORE of Hindi :D )

So as I was saying, Mahalaya is almost here, Momma is on a super cleaning spree AGAIN! :@
From somewhere came out this book of “Kabir k Dohe” and I reread the only ‘doha’ that I know absolutely correctly.

“If you need someone to blame
Throw a rock in the air
You'll hit someone guilty ”

And if you just thought this post is about something concrete and leading to something even more concrete. Bleh :P

To Life... AMEN!

"Are you sure Tim?"
"God Yes! Go see for yourself if you don't believe me."
"But Andrew knows that it is the only thing that I refuse to share."
"Why don't you go charge your best friend who is reading your diary then?"
"That would be painfully embarrassing."


Date: August 2011:
ANDREW IS SUCH A PRETENDER. I WISH I COULD CUT ALL THREADS SOMEHOW.


"Is that what my best friend thinks of me? Should I charge him for pretending to understand me all over t these years...
*deep sigh*
That would be painfully embarrassing."

"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for the words left unsaid and deeds left undone"- Harriet Beecher Stowe

And Hence The Result

Come October TODAY

SIGH

And yes, I’ll admit, I am jealous.

If You Are Sad and You Know It Go Shopping!

Yes! The ultimate mood enhancer it is.

People all around are sad. Sad for reasons, sad for no reasons, but everyone is sad.

And so much of untimely sadness around made me down and thus made Maa take me out for shopping.
And after 48 hours I am VERY happy.

Yo Shopping!!!!
Go Shopping!!!!
Ping Ping Ping!!!

Someday I shall own a birir'r dokan behind the blue hills and have old monks coming to my dokan who will give me philosophical dose everyday. This has nothing to do with shopping. I am high on lord knows what. And I might also become a nun someday. But for now, Pujo is here.

If You Are Sad and You Know It Go Shopping!
YES!
Tried and Tested

=]

P.S. Ignore this post

"Yeh joke tha?"

"Tha toh?"

"I don't like jokes"

"I don't like you"

"Shut AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP"

PAAAAAAAAAAA PAP PARA

Much Love

Many years ago, there existed three villages. These three nearby villages were together joined and made into one big happy family. The founder who did the noble job today sleeps peacefully at the St. John’s church and the family today stands as the 322 year old City of Joy, our Kolkata. From Coffee House to CCD, from Borobajar to South City mall, every aspect gets their due respect. The ballon-walas continue to sell those big white dual balloons, the mela-s continue to have giant wheels, the lungis continue to get hitched during monsoons, 'bikele paray khela' continues to be a daily affair.

While the world divides itself into classes, Kolkata merely is divided into north and south, the people who call it “mujo” and the ones who call it “moja”. The football match every and then fuels the Ghoti-Bangal clash but these are the people who cheers with united voice for their “Dada” who plays against them! The city where no phuchkawala stands idle no matter what rates they charge (and I am specifically angry at the rising cost of phuchkas), the city where everything moves at their own leisurely pace, THE Kolkata!

The first monsoons drenches each soul and the “pujor aakash” instantly brings in the smile, the city never lets you down, it never lets you drown. Where the roadside vendor will jostle for that extra one rupee and still call you “boudi”, where every guy who moves around the town in ripped jeans will be seen wearing Kurta’s on ashtami. Christmas cakes and Eid Biriyanis are majorly common, so is the “amar chhele/meye toh ektuo porena, brain ta bhalo chhilo, ektu porle koto bhaloi korto”.

The city calls it “jiro”, the city calls it “myaa-saage”, the city calls you ‘maa’, the city is perfect. I remember spending the entire night at the Bilaspur station2 years ago for an 8hour late train where I listened to all Anjan Dutta songs and wondered how will ever live apart from the Kolkata’r aaakash and take admission elsewhere. How could I live without Maa on leave during exams? And then I decided Kolkata will have me for the next 4years again, at least.

The city of politics, of cheap misgivings, the unfortunate flings. Here every child plays the harmonium and every college goer plays the guitar. Rabindranath is family and weekend jilipis are MUST. The ilish machh replaces chicken and Durga Pujo is more special than birthdays. The malls stand tall so does the Bonedi bari-s. The city of contrasts together listens to Mahalaya at 4am in the bed. It has the best possible rosho-gollas and best possible shutki machh (yes I like it and nobody else does).   It has Maa and Me and You!

My City!
I love you for the yesterday I had,
The today I have,
And the tomorrow I wish to have with you, in you!

An amazing Saga of loss.

The forever best Kishore Kumar songs.

The amazing (nyaka though) characters.

AMAR PREM!

I have forever khili-fied Sir for being such a Bangla and English movie buff but the woman has no idea whatsoever about Sooryavansham and Mera Naam Joker and Anand and Khoobsurat and Satyam Shivam Sundaram and Kabhie Kabhie and what not.

A month ago Nandan celebrated the golden era of Uttam Kumar and the movie we decided to go for was “Nishi Poddo”. Neel pointed that this particular movie does not have any commercial print and the Amar Prem is its Hindi Version. To spoil the plan came the mass viral fever and we obviously could not go for the movie.

Now this is a rather embarrassing confession but I had not seen Amar Prem till today. The only movie that Sir pointed to me whenever I said she should rather die than live without watching Sholay EVER was this.

So while the nonsense college tomorrow demands me to wake up at 7:50, I watched THE movie till 4 and write this till 4:15 and after a long long time Amar Prem made me post.

P.S. Rajesh Khanna k ki bhalo dekhte.

P.P.S. Sharmila Tagore had such a lovely figure.

Ha Ha Ha =D

Two years ago, today I first took an auto then bus and a bus and an auto ride again to reach a place at one corner of the world.
Two years ago, today I first got ragged and met certain people who had my initial "eew" reaction but today are friends (almost).

Two years ago, today I started sulking about not getting through injiri at the 'barir pasher' college and hating Pailan for the mean college that it is.
TWO YEARS?

baapre :O

P.S.  two years down the line the college shall provide no chakri :/
Happy Half Engineering everyone (amio wannabe) :D

Photograph Courtesy: Aniket Khatua

Just when the flash shined,

The room reflected their white wide.

Forgetting the tiffs, the clashes, the fights,

A happy togetherness they simply lied.

Just when the flash shined,

The room forgot the tears they cried.

Captured the moments never desired

And uploaded to the world with pride.

Just when the flash shined,

The room pretended to have a great time.

Except for the child who denied

To say 'Cheese" and dry up his eyes.

Pushpa... I hate tears

R.I.P THE Rajesh Khanna

THIRTY MINUTES? 
Ah what?!
A teen getting molested for long thirty minutes, right in the middle of the road and nobody had anything to say?
Where have all the lessons of moral science and social upliftment gone?
Merely watching Satyamev Jayate with a heavy Sunday breakfast and forgetting it all and stepping out with the same disgusting self? WOW!

So its all over the net, all over the youtube and news channels and newspaper.
But my point is
How could the people just witness the crime and stay all quite?
And moreover, take videos and pictures but NOT utter a word?
Huh?! Huh what?!

http://www.dnaindia.com/india/report_assam-molestation-case-1-more-arrested-on-stripping-charges_1714411

And all the people (which includes me) who are all vocal over net about this, are you sure that you wouldn't have reacted the same way and kept mum, had you been there?
Why are we afraid? Who are we afraid of?

DISGRACE

Pujo Ashchhe!

#Ting Ting Titing!!! :D

Advantages of Going to a Not So Good College

Well the title probably hints towards another ‘The Grapes are Sour’-ish writeup. Well yes, it is. Ever since my WBJEE results came out, I have been sulking over my 42369 and the god forbidden college at one corner of the world. I sometimes have also regretted not going to Bhilai for B-Tech.  

A midst all these, I am getting the taste of the sour grapes during the training and meeting the high figh people and suddenly, the not so good college with not so good placement has started to seem like the place I exactly belong to. The advantages as I was saying, of not having the sour grapes are:

1.         Everyone around is as stupid. You can easily come up with the stupidest question and no one questions your intellect. No one gives you second look when you can’t understand how [] differs from (). Freedom!

2.         No one brags about themselves. Yes there is this direct and direct music niye barabari at my college where everyone plays the guitar and everyone is a metal head but people would rather die than boast about their coding capabilities or studies. You get to poke Subhayan at the eleventh hour and ask “Armstrong number ta ki” and have Abhro and Sujoy to text you the codes and programs during practicals. Dhinchak!

3.         You get to be the ‘andho mein kaana raja’ at times. And with everyone around more interested in football scores and latest discount in restaurants, nobody gives a heck about knowing the names of the subjects before study leave. This in turns brings in the satisfaction of ‘morle morbe but ekshathe morbo’. Bliss!

4.         You get to freelance! I specifically thank Bilu and Mou for this. This induces a very busy schedule where you spend nights writing and not coding. You also get to be mean and fight for money from bossdada. Fun!

5.         Everyone around is in love. You get prem korar treats every now and then. You also get the license of lifelong leg pulling and nobody would mind unlike the good students of good college who comes up with the meanest things to say. Ass!

6.         No one is proud of themselves. There is no race to reach there first. There is a strange togetherness in joblessness. Everyone shares the same sorrow of underperformance   so no one detests anyone or is jealous of each other. Everyone around is equally terrible and you won’t understand how comforting it is unless you experience it. Yo baebeh!

7.         You get to be a college student. Yes the school like rules to enter at 9:45 sharp is there but the wall and everyday implemented, updated and modified tricks of entering and leaving college keeps the adventure going. The ‘good’ students and ‘good’ colleges are making me sick with the punctualities and continuous staring at the devil who teaches us at training. They remind me of the XI and XII chemistry class and tuitions where I would stare at the watch every 5minutes and not understand a word. Terror!

8.         No one stays back once the class ends. But the other half of population going to bhalo college would question the teacher even after the bell rings and class ends. And the intellectual and intelligent questions will make you feel THIS small. Ke re bhai!

9.         Easy access to movies, music, games and gadgets. Nobody cares about the attributes of PHP or JavaScript. Yes  there are a few like Abhishek Shah, Sujal and Subhayan who eat drink and breathe computer but they are the people who help and motivate you with ‘read this’ and ‘look C is easy, it’s a dumb language’. They will never and I mean NEVER depress you with their knowledge. Thank You!

10.      You get to be the retarded person you are and even then, you get sooper people around like Sidd and Pocha and Abhro and Sujoy and Subhayan and Neel and Ayantika and Hirak and Mou and Bilu and Raja and Mou and Dola and Sayan and Ankan and Deepanjan (Sorry if I missed a few names) and rediscover Satabdi and Sir and Lol and Swarnava . And many many amazing people which includes classmates and teachers and common friends Love!

And thank you for reading this nonsense for so long!

I really wonder what had I done if I by chance I had been in the good colleges with good students. God has been kind enough to spare me the horror of continuous four years of depression of being amongst people who know it all. One month is more than enough to get a hint of it. Jo hota hain ache k liye hi hota hain.

The grapes are very sour

To love at all is to be vulnerable-C.S.Lewis

P.S. The title and the song has got nothing to do with each other
#Hijibiji jijijijiji

"You rarely win, but sometimes you do"

I wanted you to see what courage really is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. Its when you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do.
-To Kill A Mocking Bird


The idea of courage and freedom are taking multifarious tolls in my head.Is it courage that lets me sit at the C# classes everyday and face my inner demons or is it the lack of courage which does not let me quit the training that makes no sense (to me)? Leaving the good old topic of depression aside, I always thought freedom is an illusion.

The freedom of waking up whenever the heart desires, the freedom of having chocolate cake at 3am in the morning, the freedom of saying the most absurd things, all fall under the illusion of freedom, of the stereotyped invisible strings of rules.


 School, college, job, marriage, children- And she lived happily ever after.
And what if she wanted to be a waitress at the pizza hut for a few months? Or become a nun at the hills?
Life revolves around a set of strange rules and the twisted and self modified versions of freedom are mere illusions. 


The Courage to be Free is a far cry. It definitely is beyond my reach. 

Photograph Courtesy: Ritobrata Kundu

And if this blog sounds too gloomy,the effect is done by the 3hours class everyday which will last for 30long days. Everyday seems like the repetition of the other. I am extremely disturbed and disgusted at my shortcomings.
And if I survive this training and this summer, the most difficult one ever, for once, I'll be (shamelessly) proud of myself.
Amen.


P.S. I am losing all my hair. Boyesh hoye gelo!

"Na Maa Pure Silks are BAD. Ota kena cholbena bas"
And Maa did not buy the saree today and went for the blue off white saree that I absolutely loved.
For as long as I have noticed, Maa has this thing for pure silks and I absolutely detest them.
The same story repeats itself whenever Maa decides to shop with me.

The thing that I want to point out is the fact that being a Mommy aint easy, being a woman toh is all the more difficult. I don't think anyone anywhere else will let me wear half pant at home or let me sleep till 12 or prepare the special no sugar 2.5table spoon of horlicks and one mug of milk like Maa does every morning. Why would I even sacrifice this wonderful life of mine and get married and start this whole saga of sacrifices!? Why did Maa do the same?

I have always seen Maa sitting beside me while I sat beside the window. In cabs Kutu occupies one side and   I occupy the other. Maa simply sits in between with no complains whatsoever. Yes there is a sense of guilt accepting the fact that I have always had all the chicken leg pieces all through my life and till today, I don't even know if Maa loves them. Anyday-Any Problem! I just know it for a fact that Maa has a solution and when Maa faces one, I don't even get the hint of it.

Maa my hero!
Happy Father's Day Maa :* 

4 down!

Its such a relief to wake up without the guilt of over-sleeping.
...

...

And I have absolutely noting to write .

P.S. Debjani London, Satabdi Kashmir and random people are going to random places.
How I hate Kutu for being adamant on "Ami school miss kore ghurte jabona"

Happy Holidays everyone :)
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ron: Can you believe our luck? Of all the trees we could've hit, he had to get one that hits back