One Last Time as President :')

 

All things said and done, if there would be one thing that I will forever love 2020 for, is this, to be able to do this of more than half of my days, to be able to be this for more than half of my time.

I have forever loved titles, I have forever loved spotlight, I have forever loved tags! And shamelessly so! I have no idea what to do with my life for the next 6 months since I have no points to chase and no plans to make from next Thursday.
Did they tell you that leadership is an addiction?  

Signing off as the proudest President.
9.5 DCP! No shit :’)
Roared, Soared and How!

 

Singin', "This'll be the day that I die"

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
Something touched me deep inside
The day the music died

The thing about old songs. I remember reading this in an article from Voices by a certain Ms Sanghani I absolutely worshipped, for the way she wrote. I remember quoting this in so many +2 essays.

Those were the days when fishing over Poet's Corner of Voices on Thursdays to find my name, was the highlight of the week. Those were the days when being different felt nice. Those were the days when you different, didn't cost us, years.

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
Something touched me deep inside
The day the music died

The thing about old songs. They can walk through your fairy lights, on a Thursday night, a decade and more later, and still help you write vague. How I hate winters for setting in unnecessary gloom.

Also, this one's for showing off memories!

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/pankaj-rai-he-him-his-b3923a_a-bright-face-looked-out-of-our-screens-activity-6744133887728996352-9ktB

Destined Destination!

Love isn't something you find

Love is something that finds you

Someone who gave the same love a second chance, with all her heart, and then a third, fourth, nth and failed, and cried, and gave up. Until, love came knocking, reassuring, and how! This, time, to stay. Forever. For,

Love isn't someone you find

Love is someone who finds you

Cleaning Your Specs

 

Just when you thought Obhishikta cannot be more random, comes a post on cleaning your specs.

Have you ever wondered, pondered on it?
If you ask me, I do not remember the last time I cleaned mine, however, I do know the feeling of looking through a pair of freshly cleaned specs. Confused much? But my dear, such is life.

Not a fan of different perspectives though, I am perfect. However, how much I love people who clean my specs, before I wake up.
And make me breakfast while at it!

Also, irrelevant, shundor gaan

Wishful Thinking

 My love for Kolkata remains in the many filtered evenings where the sky looked more pink than orange. In the many foggy mornings where I would sleep extra till the winter sun shines bright. My love for Kolkata in the most mundane things, my love for Kolkata that can fight the biggest beasts but not him, not her.

Not that I hate Bangalore. Absolutely not. Definitely not anymore if I may put it correctly. Bangalore held me close at a time when the world turned upside down, when everyone raised their fingers. Bangalore accepted me in my middle aged, moody and pessimist self with cheap wines and cheaper dreams.

However, the perfect Bangalorean weather could never make me feel, the way humid Kolkata weather does.

After spending 3 complete months at the city after 5 years, I am emotional beyond words while it is just about to end. Not tomorrow, but I'm dramatic like that.

Kolkata, my love, someday, someday when you think I'm deserving enough, I'll start living in you again.

Staying out of Kolkata by choice and coming home for Durga Pujo mandatorily for the last 5 years, also mandated, that I miss Kali Pujo. The house would be lit like a happy bride, the father would endlessly put lights on the last possible corner, the sister would click and the mother would send me photos which I would look at in awe, and become terribly sad. 

This year, after 5 years, I am beyond emotional just to be able to put diyas on the boundary walls, just to be able to click photos myself, just to be able to eat sweets that I did not buy. 

Lights did guide me home this time. Knocking wood and tripping over Diwali lights.

Thankful beyond words!

Hope you all had a safe and happy Diwali. 

May the lights of your lives, stay, beyond today ❤️

SPARE THE STRAYS THIS DIWALI.

Love Crazy ?!

It takes crazy to love crazy
It takes crazy to hope.
It takes crazy to love crazy
It takes crazy to cope
Up with all the tied words and Bollywood.
Again!
Noone unropes,
Noone pulls, up the slope;
Again?
It takes crazy to love crazy
It takes crazy to disrobe.
It takes crazy to love crazy
It takes crazy to hope.

- Abhishikta

October

End of October has always been a poignant affair.

Durga Pujo would be over, the lights being taken off at Ekadoshi would sink my heart, the subtle wintery wind would start their appearance, the evenings will be quicker, the nights will be longer, the last day would be sadder.

This year is no different. Dreading the future like never before. Judging myself like never before.

Also, Shubho Bijoya!

Bhalo thakben, bhalo rakhte jotoi akkhom hon r ki

 

In a parallel world, I would be still in the hangover of Mahalaya, doing my last-minute cosmetic shopping and Maa would be complaining about everything today.
In real world, I finished the last dose of Hydroxychloroquine and ate an obscene amount of all things Vitamin C.
Sailing through.
Breathing through, with difficulty or not.
So far so good.
Not complaining. So not complaining.

Celeb Feels! :"D

Here

 

Count your blessings when the wind paces up, right before a long weekend.
You breathe it all in at the end of an endless scrum board finish, calls to take, people to help and meetings to plan.
You BREATHE!

Except when your chest pains and you anticipate why.
Okrightbye.

Quarantine Anthem

Running straight up at the first sneeze

Smelling the deo till nose agrees

Dreading the rain, cursing the cold breeze

No more horrible life experiences

Oh pretty please!

-Abhishikta

Mohaloya 2020 and How!

 Mahalaya!

In 2012, I woke up shivering from a consistent 10-day long fever on a Mahalaya morning. I remember the huge weight loss and consecutive hair loss that had come in. I remember Maa not allowing me to sleep in my room which is on a different floor than hers, and doctors advising me to sleep separate. My taste, appetite and zeal were an all time low. Khichdi and mosquito nets were my consistent partners and my usual ami-r-bachbona thoughts, everyday. My bed was made in the hall, right beside my mother’s room so that she could check on me every 2 hours, even in the night. I do not think any phase of my life had made me so weak physically. I cursed the epic Kellogs K diet I had taken just to look slim and the corresponding series of fevers, vitamin deficit, immunity loss, tests and the likes.

Maa woke me up at 4, I thought she would do the usual fever check, but she asked if I would want to give Mahalaya a miss that year and sleep. I of course said no, she of course knew it. Next, the radio was kept between the rooms, tuned to Akashbani Kolkata, and “Aswiner Shaarodo Praate” filled in the house! It was one of my earliest introductions to goosebumps where suddenly, for one full hour, I felt happy!
“Maa ashchhe, ami morbona”- well I have always been dramatic like that!

Today, after 5 years, I had the privilege to actually tune into a radio to listen to Mahalaya and not the usual Youtube. Today, for the first time ever in my life I woke Maa up at 4. Today, like every Mahalaya morning, I felt happy.

Maa ashchhe :)
As long as I don’t jinx myself again that is -_-

দমবন্ধ

দমবন্ধ ভীষণ দমবন্ধ। নানা, সারা বিশ্ব জোড়া দমবন্ধ না, বটে, তবুও দমবন্ধ, ভীষণ দমবন্ধ।
আবার? সব জেনেও?
মশাই, লজ্জা দেবেন না 

তখন সময় থমকে দাঁড়ায়

Sitting at the last floor of Acropolis, A heard a bus conductor shout "Ruby Ruby Ruby". Covid scare, even though has brought life to a standstill, A was so glad for these comfort noises which are clearer now.

O kept talking about the rights and wrongs of life, the fairs and mostly unfairs that they face, cry and eventually give up on. S gave occasional nods to it, mostly acknowledging the new decade of life. Three unclear lines of smoke made their turn towards the sky that pointed towards Gariahat. The sky looked orange and yellow on that side, west is it? The other side still had an Autumn blue to it. The city had a trademark humid evening air almost making A feel guilty of not wanting to settle here immediately. Almost consoling, 'someday when you're at a better place, someday!'. By now S had shifted to the dreamscape that is on the cards and all for good; O approved of the domestication that would save most of their wreckage, almost blocking A-s sky viewing. In the dying light A noticed, how there are darker worry lines on their foreheads. Were they always there? Or are these age lines? A must have had them too then. When did they get so old? When did they get so calm? When did they start to form clear sentences that made clear sense without inviting immediate retaliation? What is this life full of incomplete stories and unknown impossibilities. What have they become? 

In the silence of the evening, A could hear some other bus conductor shout "Ruby Ruby Ruby". Noises, comforting noises. This will do. This is enough.

To Be

Some people feel like sunshine
Some people feel like storm
Some people would take your breath away
Some people would choke your song
Some people talk of dark nights
Some people talk of dawns
Some people are ice cold
Some people are blanket warm

Oh to be
The sunshine song
Oh to be
The warm dawn
Oh to be.

But to get?
But to have?
Poem for another life !

-Abhishikta

Viraah

 Woke up to a storm. Just when I ranted to my heart's content on how I am going to die if the gorom remains this way throughout yesterday, without ANY exaggeration since I almost felt feverish, woke up to a storm.

It is funny how my life has always been blessed only at the point beyond which I wouldn't survive without them. Just as I was discussing with N the other day whether to be thankful or angry about it. And, and it's raining. Could it get any better? :)

The pessimist prays for the networks to not die. It could be an awesome day otherwise. Pretty please!

Current favorite song on loop and rains for now :')

Cotton Curtains Forever!

 

Calcutta speaks to me through a lot of things, the latest one being, cotton curtains!

Amidst the satin and silk, the laced and layered, the solid color and dual fabric, I have always loved curtains of all sorts. However, today, I have put blue colored, footpath bought, cotton door curtains, through spring holders on makeshift wall nails, and nothing, nothing has made me feel so much like home than this, in a long time.

Just that at home, all curtains are yellow and red (The home shouts East Bengal!).
Cotton curtains are so much Calcutta, so much Amma bari, so much Jadavpur.

Cotton Baatik printed bedsheets to be appreciated, next!

Independence Everyday

 🦁🦅

Be fierce and fearless

This 15th of August and always.

Be unapologetically, you!

Happy Independence, EVERYDAY.

Jai Hind 🇮🇳

P.S. Canva is the new MS Paint 

Hold Back, Heart

Hold back, heart
Keep your guards up.
Filtered sunsets, unfiltered songs,
You know how things end, you know how things turn;
Don't give in to temptations,
This is where you stop!
Hold back, heart
Keep your guards up.

- Abhishikta

A Decade Since College Day1

 

10 years ago, today, I wore a maroon kurti, changed 4 sets of public transport to reach college. Day1.

10 years to hating and loving it. Pailan gave me my first flavor of true independence. Looking back, that orange-blue-white building which saw us jumping walls, breaking tube lights and missing bus for one more round of 29; has never been acknowledged. The cradle of our childhood, adulthood. Learning and growing up.

How much we mocked that place!
How much we wanted to get out of there!
How much we compared it to others, betters!

Today, looking back, there is a sense of repentance. Not about missing anything during college life, I still believe I had one of those Bollywood Blockbuster prospect college life stories; the repentance is not for giving Pailan its due.

So here is to the Alma Mater, less talked about, less liked, less thanked.

Pailan,
For the Bangla songs that I would have never known, the guitar that I would have never bought.
For the million mannats that I would have never kept, the interview night that I would have never experienced
For the stage, the dreams, the graphs, the poems.
For the best friends.
For the first love.
For SD16-S31-76
And so much more.

Happy First Decade
I have always secretly loved you.

আ মরি বাংলা ভাষা

 

It was just the other day when you asked
“Ab kya ho gaya? Muh kyu fula li? Bas call karna hi toh bhul gaya main”
And I had to smile and say ‘Arre, Koi Nai’
Arre Koi Nai kyuki I have no way to explain Obhimaan to you
That feeling of your heart tearing apart
That feeling of failure at a fresh start
The feeling of losing everything that ever mattered in a pinch, and yet, not really.
How would I ever explain Obhimaan to you?

It was just the other day when you asked
“Abbe gussa hui kya? Bas tera gift kiya hua coffee mug hi toh tut gaya”
And I again had to smile and say ‘Arre, Koi Nai’
Arre Koi Nai kyuki I have failed to explain Obhimaan to you
It’s not a mood swing
It’s not one of those days
There is a feeling that is not anger or remorse
There is a feeling that can change your entire day’s course, tiptoe-ing  into your conversations and staying, quietly
All along

Obhimaan

Languages can fail you big time
Languages which otherwise shine, can be so shallow to not accommodate Obhimaan
And Obhimaan,
Obhimaan needs time, love, warmth, long puffs
Obhimaan needs Cha aar fau phuchka
Obhimaan, needs Black Magic Bangla

It was just the other day when you asked
“Tum Bangaliyo ka mujhe samajh nahi aata. Pohela baysaakh toh matlab pub mein bhi saari pehenna hai? Awww! Amar sonaar bongla"
And this time, this time I did not respond because,
Because
Obhimaan

-Abhishikta

August.

Self pity

Rant

Repeat

People will talk of sunshine. You will speak of rainbows. Eventually, it might just boil down to a room with blue curtains, totally reflecting your mood.

Self pity

Seclude

Repeat

People will talk of empowerment. You will speak of dreams. Eventually, it might just boil down to the last midnight puff in the stock, totally reflecting your quota of happiness.

Self pity

Grey

Repeat

People will talk of forever. You will speak of faith. Eventually, it might just boil down to a shout in oblivion, totally reflecting your zilch audience.

Self pity

Sigh

Repeat

People will talk of staying. You will speak of moonchasing. Eventually, it might just boil down to 'Winner Takes It All' on loop, totally reflecting your life in general.

Self pity

Write

Repeat

-Abhishikta

Bari Jabo :3

When my biography is being written, please note, this has been a phase where I gave up on giving up everyday.
Apart from breakups, if there is another phase that deserves mention of fake smiling and working and not doing anything stupid, this is the one.
The Pujo sky does not help.
The fact there there is a clean room beside the terrace with yellow curtains and brown table and a swing where my ladybird must be placed in my hometown, waiting for me, does not help.
Ranting helps a little though.
How much money is too much money to live really? Time to quit and quit?
If I ever come out of this sane, better, I would do something significant.
Like all of my fuckups. I'm going to regret using that word few years from now.
Ah dear dear.

How perfect my is house :"(

Term Theme: One For The Memories

Line of fire
Want need desire
An endless circle of once more.
Walking the fear
Year after year
An impossible locked door.

- Abhishikta

Out of Stories -_-

Frontline!

Pranam: *Calm In The Storm*

Think of sincerity being personified, that is Pranam for you. Has been leading the club and making sure that every voice is heard, every thought is acknowledged. Someone the club can depend on, always. Pranam is an asset to the club.

Parixit: *Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman*

Young and dynamic. Has his own witty style to handle the toughest of situations. Startled the club with his presence of mind and slowly coming across as one of the most promising leaders who walks his talk, and hardly ever disappoints. Parixit is an asset to the club.

Mohan: *Shining On*

Made his mark in the club within a short span of time. Has appreciation for little things in life which comes across beautifully in his speeches. Taking his first step into leadership journey and already coming across as a smart leader and quick learner. Mohan is an asset to the club.

Pavan: *Infinite Loop Of Words*

Extensive talker and passionate toastmaster. He has a very clear take on life and is never afraid to express it. Courageous leader, helpful friend, Pavan is all things positive and all things appreciative. Ready to explore leadership and make his mark. Pavan is an asset to the club.

Suhas: *Best Of Both Worlds*

Observer and do-er, all in one. Suhas is full of compassion and kindness. He has shown amazing creative skills and is ready to take the world by the storm, despite being the patient person that he is. Never stops learning and never stops experimenting. Suhas is an asset to the club.

Paulami: *Born Superstar*

Talk about confidence, butterflies, positivity and everything bright and beautiful. Paulami is our inhouse sunflower who can light up any gloomy day by just being around. Grammar Nazi and helping hand for life. Paulami is an asset to the club.

Vivek: *Perfection Personified*

The  steering wheel of Stagecoach who has tirelessly, seamlessly directed the club towards perfection, all of it with a smile. The strategist who plans what is best for the club and puts in all efforts possible, to turn them to reality. His zeal for perfection is infectious. Vivek is an asset to the club.

Abhishikta: *Roar and Soar*

A lot of dreams, a lot of challenges, a lot of passion for a lot of things, all combined together to form this one tiny human. Trying to motivate people to Roar louder and Soar higher this term.

Trying to be an asset to the club.

Dear Bindiya

Sidekicks!
We see them and never watch,
We like them and never love,
Not remembering them is a different story altogether;
My humble attempt to pay attention and appreciation to such sidekicks who deserved so much more

Episode 1
Dear Bindiya

Graduation Day, etc.

Someone I once knew, used to say,
How it always rains on a specific day.
And it did
Today.
How I wish I could wholeheartedly pray,
For someone who just wouldn't stay.
And I did
Today.

-Abhishikta

Oh, and Happy Graduation Day :)

Chaar Kadam

Everyone is talking of being the ear. If this is the start of the change (which I doubt), the lost life brought in some purpose here (nomatter how mean this sounds).
Coming from a background that had seen a suicide due to depression at a pretty young age, mental health has always been taken very seriously in my family, thankfully. Even then, dealing with it is never easy, sharing it is never easy, therapy is never easy, accepting is never easy. I will not talk about how we can be of help to others, the social media has done that enough, I'll just talk about two ways, I could pull myself out of depression, just in case you're reading this, and you need this too, apart from therapy, the proper kind.

2015, I had hit a low beyond imagination. I'm still not okay to discuss why, but that is wherein I started 'Hapiness Program' by the Art of Living. No, not promoting any agenda/group here, but the fact that the Sudarshan Kriya helped me survive that phase has to be acknowledged. We talked of realities, sorrow, pain, and hapiness beyond all of that. Confessing to a group of strangers gave me the courage to talk about things, that I probably could not, to a therapist yet. That is where I started with the habit of acknowledging the privileges in life, from hearing the hell, other have. For anyone reading this and shying to seek medical help, you can start with the Hapiness Program.

2019, I thought I would not survive. I'm not even okay to think of the why, but this is when I started my Toastmasters journey, seriously. Writing has always been liberating to me, but I started to write dark, grey, black around this time, all the time. I felt the same in my head and heart. There seemed to be a no coming back. Toastmasters gave me a platform, where I HAD to write, think and speak positive. A place where every sappy story of mine could be turned into humour/inspiration speech, for my own sake! I took up speech slots, just so I don't think negative, consciously. Speaking to a group of strangers who never judged, helped me from drowning in my own grey. For anyone reading this and shying to seek medical help, you can start with the Toastmasters club.

Also, I'm always around :)

Aakar School

Another artist post alert, not.

This one's for the one who has been a drawing teacher for almost every cousin I have, which is a HUGE number.

For as long as I can remember of living in the red walled Ammabari, and many years after that as a matter of fact, Saturday 8ams would be 'aakar school'.
Basu sir would play the fm, mostly they would play old Nachiketa songs in those days, and we would copy one of this masterpieces. I would always make horrible animal portraits (I still remember making a Cow shaped Dog for one of the year end certification exams and Sir covering up) and Sir would eventually make an outline and tell me to try again.

Today when I picked up a proper drawing copy after more than 10years, I again struggled to make a cat. Somehow managed to put the back profile and somewhere I knew, Basu Sir smiled from heaven.

And just like that, half a decade in this city already, today.

My Heart! :(

A packet of chips made me feel privileged. I left it. I could hardly pay attention to the extensive Eid menu being discussed for Monday. Everything is making me feel privileged, everything is making me feel helpless and sick. I don't even want to get into the loss statistics. I don't even want to get into how useless I feel. I cannot even imagine what the blown away mudhut must have meant to Maya Mashi. I cannot even think how my house now look without the tree in front. Class privilege, yes.
Have been obsessing over Bengal videos and photos since yesterday morning. Took half day off yesterday since I felt sick in my stomach which in turn again made me feel privileged. I was empathetic for all Bengal leaders I had always made fun of.
To keep looking at the phone so that calls from home don't get missed because I cannot call anyone. To wait for news from a home that has no electricity, water or network for slightly more than 3days now. But to still know they're safe, touchwood. Privileged. Very very privileged. I hope this feeling of gratefulness stays and I keep wanting to help the poor and stop the privileged lifestyle even when this passes, if at all this passes. Thank God for a very privileged life. Also, God, please, STOP. Enough thrill already! I don't even. I can't even.

Stay Safe, City! :(

There was once a time when 'Storm Is Coming' was THE title and how I'd wait for opportunities to post it.
Adulthood check: Not a cool thing. Storm.
Figurative, Literal. Nada.

Also hindsight consideration: Stop not wanting to go back to Kolkata. NOW.

Kobi Pronaam and Protijogita Packet Missing

25-e Boishakh!
My wall is all colorful with songs, dances, recitations, drawing. Oh to be a Bangali! ❤️

I took a lot of breaks throughout the day to watch each one and pondered over the childhood Rabindra Jayantis at Shishu Robi club. My father and uncles were always very active members of the club and wanted to me show off my non existent stage skills, every year. And every year, year after year, I would go up on the stage, freeze, and run down eventually. Shesh puroshkar?
Protijogitar jonno luchi torkari and mishtir packet! How I miss the simpler times.
I've never really grown out of the protijogita packets. ❤️

With or without a performance, Kobi Pronaam ❤️

Would you tell him to fare very well?
And that when I said it, I was smiling!
Would you tell him wishes for wedding bell?
And that when I said it, I was smiling!
The world is ramping
The heart is weak
Together or alone
The lights are bleak
Would you tell him he is forgiven?
And that when I said it, I was smiling!
Would you tell him he is forgotten?
And that when I said it, I was smiling!

- Abhishikta

লাল সাদা গামছা

The biggest motivation to stay put here, without totally giving up, far away from home, is to go to the terrace in the evenings and notice the very many লাল সাদা গামছা all around the পারা।
You're not alone!
We're not alone!

Unishey April.
Bujhlen, bujhlen na, bujheo bujhlen na.
So be it :)

Ego boost for people who once made you live cannot really harm much.
So be it :)

Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace?

A mother, too blind.

A teacher, too kind.

Few comments, too grave to pass.

A son, too cheap,

A thought, too deep,

Why don't we teach at home, what we teach in class?

My Alma Mater weeps;

Make me a channel of your peace?

-Abhishikta 

Shine On

"The moon would always remind me of you", he knew.
The beauty,
The passion,
The  glorious compassion.
"How can the moon not remind me of you?", he claimed.

Years in between.
Locked-down, quarantine.

"How can the moon not remind you of me?", she wondered.
The grace,
The light,
The unapologetic bright.
"The moon can never remind you of me", she knew.

-Abhishikta

AMI BARI JABO :"(

Chocolate Pastry!

The lockdown has not been too bad on me (trying my best on the optimistic face). Except for the fact that I could not go home (the worries shall come later), I really am extremely thankful for the food on my plate, and quite a variety of it, the abundance of movies and the neck deep work which leaves very little room to get bored.
However, there definitely has been a lack of all things fish and sweet in Karnataka (privileged statement, I know, I'm sorry, really!). To add to this, there are these million Amul ads these days, where every sweetdish makes me hungry, cranky. I have been craving for a good chocolate pastry ever since the lockdown and tadaa, here comes Ns surprise at my door (not that I appreciate food deliveries at this time). Counting my blessings! I could do a happy tear sprinkle with my hunched back at this. Also, before I jinx this as well, like always. Tweedle dee dum

It's What You Do To Me

One of the first and favorite songs that was ever dedicated to me and all in a very relatable context was Hey There Delilah. Those were very sappy times, I was extremely Bollywood and hopelessly romantic. I ended up spending almost 10days obsessing over
"I'd walk to you if I had no other way", imagining that was possible.

Few more years the same song was again dedicated to me, in a very relatable context while I traveled very far, all by myself, and of course was mourning again. I ended up being very happy over "I'd walk to you if I had no other way" being dedicated to, since I knew she was not too fond of being called Delilah.

Today, it's just a song I sing, miles away from home, knowing I couldn't just walk to anyone.
However, it's what you do to me!
Totally singing it for AV, for pulling it through thick and thin (get the joke!) And everything in between.
It's what you do to me

Quarantining And Bored

I hate people.

I hate dumb people in particular. That includes most of the world so I hate people in general.

Expectations? Quarantine would be easy. But it is not. The workaholic madfuck that I've become, worked 14hours at a stretch for each of the last 3 days and yet the Quarantine is killing me.
I was also going crazy with every sneeze, cough, pimple, motion, headache, backache till today. At a point I was also thinking probably I used to breathe better before, but tomorrow would be the 22nd day back from Thailand, that mostly qualifies me safe for the world.

Forever grateful to B and I for bearing with me. Very irresponsible of me to travel. Accepted. Won't ever admit it in public.
Hence, controlling all the urge to buy one side tickets to Kolkata.

Okay, now I'm just blabbering in boredom.
Baseline, quarantined, bored, hence singing, and missing home of course.
Also, first rain of the year! ^_^
And very glad/thankful to be alive.

Cheese Omelette

Memories are funny things.
They come back in the form of songs, places, person, days, smell, touch!
For me, today, in the form of food.
Cheese Omelette?
Chicken Nuggets?
Priorities Dear Watson!

Boshonto

Spring is an emotion. Boshonto!
There is a particular "final exam" smell in the air. We would always have our school final term exams during Spring, post which there would be a long gap before new session starts. The evenings would be beautiful, after an almost summery humid afternoon. The tree right in front of my window would start its yellow flower distribution and soon, the terrace would become a bed of yellow flowers and dry leaves. The evening sky would have all colors red and orange. I would stroll on the terrace, peep outside the balcony, after my afternoon nap and before starting to study for the exam next day. Soon, Spring would lead way to Kalboishakhi, way before Boishakh, and I would just be happy!
Remembering Kolkata Springs on a Corona lockdown Bangalore, beside a tree with White flowers and yellow evening. Oh Spring!
Bloom in my heart, and stay longer 💛

Happy International "Men Shall Decide" Day

Break. Mourn. Write a speech. Repeat.

People Long Gone, Invariably, Inevitably, Inadvertently, Or Not

Mess

If you ever feel torn,
Come back to me.
If you ever need to mourn,
Come cry to me.
In sicknesses, in healths,
In one course meals, in all the world's wealths.
For betters, for worses,
For northern lights, for festive verses,
If you ever need to live,
Come sing to me.
If you ever need to love,
Come home to me.

-Abhishikta

Bangla Bangali Etc.

Gratitude! The fact that I'm so thankful for it is a problem in itself but I absolutely HAD to mention the wonder, some of the people of Bengal are!

Early morning 6:30 was our train to Bolpur, 26th December, a day after Christmas, and Kolkata winter was at its peak for a change. This was the first time I was supposed to travel by General Class with unreserved tickets because of ticket unavailability. Instead of taking Bolpur express at 7:30, we decided on Kanchenjunga Express of 6:30 since it was an hour before. A train where majority of the people were travelling till Siliguri with immense luggage. I thought it would be fun like standing on the early morning empty Mumbai locals near the door.
Result?
We somehow stood at the door of the General class compartment. This 'standing' was absolutely insane! I had travelled in Bonga local several times before, but this experience was unreal. My mashallah height made everyone around me feel like mountains, people kept 'adjusting' in.  You have to travel in a train like that to know how little space you really need to live!

Wonder One: While I was so irritated at the people getting in over and over again, the others kept adjusting and letting them in. The uncle who sold steel plates, standing beside us, smiled with his pan colored teeth and said "shobai toh Bari jabe, jayga Kore dewai bhalo, Kar ki pelan Bari giye" (everyone has to go home, we have to make space. You never know who has what plans at home). Very nice of him to think that way. I had a moment of self judging. People can really surprise you.

Somehow the train started. I hardly had an inch to breathe. However, there was absolutely zero bad touch, zero trying to have a top view of the girls by the humongous men around. I was counting my hours to Bolpur, two hours!!! There were two young boys, probably workers, almost hanging almost standing at the door of the train who lit biri.

Wonder Two: Some man behind me, I could not even look at his face since there was no space to turn, shouted
"Maiyara asse, biri dhorash Kon shahoshe? Shorkar Mana korse taar upor" ( There are girls, how can you light a bidi. The Government has restricted this as well). There was zero retaliation. These boy immediately threw their bidis off. I felt so safe, so secured in that compartment where I could have been groped. People can really surprise you.

As I started, the fact that I'm thankful for these basic ways of life which should be the norm IS a problem. But since that's a topic for other day and we have miles to go to reach that day, when we feel safe and stop thinking of these incidents as "favours", For now, big shout-out to these wonderful people from that day :)

Pyaaaar

Valentine's Day
What used to be all about finding the perfect white/pink/red top for tuitions.
What used to be the college soulmate getting extra allowance for this day.
What used to be never disregarded despite the aantel inside
To what it has become.

This year however, with S forever gone. With corona virus almost ruining my gift to myself. However,
Almost laal! Lots of food. Airport.

And an ode to Travel. My one true love.
Travel, to fill your soul that's broken.
Travel, to shape your life that's shaken.
Travel, with or without a plan.
Travel, while you still can.

Sunsets!

There is this thing about Karma. People keep telling and singing praises of its existence. It has always slaughtered me in the most hurtful ways possible.
However, there is now, today, that it has for once taken my side. But then, I'm not happy about it. A story which I was made to exit long back approaches a setback. I'm not happy. I should have been.
My current story has already reached a setback. I'm not happy here anyway. By the time Karma does its turn here, I'll be long gone from this zone.
However, extremely thankful for a beautiful sunset, neck deep in water, arms wide open, breezing through the madness that life is.
Oh dear heart! How twisted can you be.
Oh dear heart! How weak can you be.
Oh dear heart! Hold on.

Chapter 4: Stagecoach Bangalore Toastmasters

Mandates :)

1. What did you do in 2019 that you’ve never done before?
Took refuge from social media for good 6months
Asked for rather questionable stuff from random Pahari questionable looking men
Played guide to Maa
Travelled to the highest motorable road in the world
Spoke infront of HUGE audience and felt the happiest ever
Became EC member of Stagecoach TM
Learnt Ukulele
Learnt Cooking proper meals
Went for semi blind dates

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year?
Mentally fitter, so yes resolution kept.
2020, resolution, maybe to judge less and trust more!


3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No


4. Did anyone close to you die?
Amma


5. What countries did you visit?
None. But had an excellent travel year. List?
Kolkata, Pune, Satara, Kolkata, Delhi, Bhuntar, Kasol, Tosh, Pondicherry, Kumbakonam, Ladakh, Cochi, Allepey, Pune, Kolkata, Mumbai, Raipur, Bhilai, Yerkaud, Kolkata, Bankura, Shantiniketan


6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?
Let's not jinx it


7. What date from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory?
Not sure on the date, but Wells Fargo Talks finale, clearly!


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finishing 4 levels of Pathways,
Convincing a hall full of people on stories.


9. What was your biggest failure?
None


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Left eye and right toe, quite the constants!


11. What was the best thing you bought?
Diamonds for Maa


12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Zilch


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Same old


14. Where did most of your money go?
Deposit money, brokerage


15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Toastmasters


16. What song/album will always remind you of 2019?
Khush toh hai na


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
1. Happier or sadder? Happier
2. Thinner or fatter? Fatter
3. Richer or poorer? Poorer


18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Dreaming


19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Stalking


20. How did you spend Christmas?
Drive through mustard fields of Graam Bangla, had dullops of Gur and mishti, later travelled with A to Bolpur and heard Bauls in endless trance


21. Who did you spend most of the time on the phone with?
Maa. I spent very less time on phone though last year.


22. Did you fall in love in 2018?
No.


23. How many one night stands in this last year?
Oh.


24. What was your favorite Tv programme?
Grey's Anatomy


25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No


26. What was the best book(s) you read?
None read. Still trying to find time to finish Norwegian Woods.


27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Bharat Chauhan


28. What did you want and get?
Got things that I'm grateful for and did not wish for really.


29. What did you want and did not get?
Same old.


30. What were your favorite films?
Uri


31. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
Did not go home. Went to office, did not let people know it's my birthday. Did not do a lot of things. Bangalore folks were too kind though


32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Oh.


33. What would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019?
L sized clothes -_-


34. What kept you sane?
Wells Fargo!


35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Christina Yang


36. What political issue stirred you the most?
NRC. Still does.


37. Who did you miss?
A and B (writing the initials for the lack of balls really)


38. Who was the best new person you met?
Alpana (technically I met her in 2018 but this year, in a much better way)


39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019?
Nada, none!


40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
तेरे अपने ही तुझको जलयंगे कुच्छ दिन रोएंगे फिर भुल जयंगे