Fix You

It's been a while since I wrote love letters
It's been a while since you received the same.
An open letter to you,
Who is more than just a name.

   Glad that you happened,
   Glad that we crossed roads
   Where this friendship nursery rhyme
   Can beat all the love odes.

So fear not my dear
You will win this war,
And I will always hold your back
From near, or from far.

   It is through today's rain,
   That tomorrow you will get your due.
   And I will silently shed pride tears
   While you, 'fix you'.

     -Abhishikta


For very specific people, with all my love.

Check

To be so tired both literally and figuratively, that you cannot sleep.

Wax Doll

There she stood
Beautiful, spotless,
Virgin stature of perfection.
Oh touch her not!
Oh tease her not!
My wax doll so dear.

So I kept it safe
For years together
For years to come,
From known attackers and sweet knives,
From disasters, from horrors,
Situations, scenes and people too strong.

Then it came one day
Calling itself 'life'
Arms wide open; intentions, unclear
With one face of hope
And the other so ugly,
Oh so ugly my dear.

To it's storm, 
To it's fire, 
I lost. 
But my darling won.
Put up a fight that would remain unknown
Scars, that would not be shown.

But to realise.
The wax doll that has always been
Is actually; steel within.
And I hope
Oh so much;
That THAT, wasn't just a dream.

-Abhishikta

Pearls Of A Rainy Friday Evening

On being someone's Sunday of life. Someone so important and yet so unwanted. Someone so desirable yet someone they used to know.

A rather confusing topic for many maybe. But then, I'm cool like that.

For all the times that I've known, mostly after joining job, Sunday is the most ambiguous day for me. Sure it starts with an early (by Sunday standards) call from home, and then from the roommate (who would diligently get breakfast for all) and I sleep more, and some more. There is this ultimatum about Sunday when we don't want to wake up because we know the moment it starts, it will end. By the time it is evening and we realize the day has not even started properly for it to end, it is Goodnight time.

So that is the thing about Sunday. We love it with a melancholy. Knowing that it has to end and it will. So we happily wait for it and step on it sadly. It is graceful poignancy with cheap greed.

Sunday is like the first love of your life whom you love with all your heart and will always do, but it will go, just because it has to go. Like your annual one week vacation to the country for which you wait but you don't want it to come, for it will go as soon as it comes. Like the sea that you love so dear but you can't keep on walking inwards forever, for your own good. Like me. Like you.

So are the rest of the days bad? So do you love Sunday the most? No, absolutely not. But there is this sense of belonging, wanting, losing, helplessness, greyness about Sunday. Maybe that's what makes it so important.

So? Who's the Sunday of your life? And how does it feel to be one?

Maybe the only good thing about winters (which is present only at nights here) is the privilege to walk with hands inside the jacket’s pocket.
This ‘walking’ space here, which is hard to get, but Thank God for nights and winters and jackets with pockets, when you can think and just think. And maybe see certain posts and status’ of certain people and sigh, and think some more.

Yeh kaha aa gaye hum, akele chalte chalte
Also, 30^th of November. That’s why the post btw.

Hello Winter :)

Edu Kondala Vada, VenkatRamana, Govinda Goooovinda

Tirupathi

A place that I had planned to never ever visit because

A. I am not much of a teerth yatra fan

B. It is rather tough place to go to.

 

However, as they say, when the God calls you, you go and we went. It would be really unfair to say that it was not planned and everything “happened”. There were plans, and re-plans, and schedule matching, and re-plans, and weekend office spoiling, and re-plans, and cold wars, and re-plans, and A’s onshore clashing, and re-plans, and finally on one Saturday afternoon, when we were supposed to work, we left office at 3.

Now to especially mention the fact that it was last weekend when we were cashless and Bangalore ATMs were sights to see and Tirupathi locals told us, no money anywhere around. Money we had, 500-ish. We left Bangalore anyway. Thank God that Government had exempted the toll for this time period, little thoughtfulness. I do not know how many of you know but the Bangalore-Kolar highway is pretty and the mine areas look pretty filmy. People staying in Bangalore for quite some time, must be aware of the fact that nobody actually looks at the cars while crossing the road, we just cross (and the cars WOULD stop). So we met this woman near the Kolar Gold mine highway who was quite in the hang of this Bangalore road crossing practice and our 100km/hr car almost killed her. Quite a heart stopping experience, that.

We of course reached Tirupathi waaaaay later than expected, blame it on too much Antakshari and too much work and too much distraction. When we (when I say we, it is everyone but me (no specs till here)) finally saw the Tirumala hills with shankha-chakra-tika bright lights, it looked like not too much of a challenge for the night. Lots of discussions, pros and cons of trekking on a Kartik-Chaturthi night, the possibilities of dacoits and wild animals later, we started off with the last bit of change left, in an auto to the Tirumala hills footstop, 12:30 in the night.

Tips for whoever wants to visit: To reach the main temple, you will have to reach the Tirumala hills first. There are 3 ways to reach the Tirumala hills:

1. There are fully functional bus services from Tirupathi to Tirumala, 24*7. There are private and Government buses, you can also take your car. This will take is somewhere around 45-60 minutes.

2. There is a stepway trek from Alipiri. This step trek is roughly of 9kms, of which there are 3550 stairs and rest are almost flat roads. Normally people take 4-5 hours through this route to reach Tirumala. This is open 24*7 and no matter when you start, you will always get to see fellow devotees/ trekkers. We took this one.

3. There another trekway from Srivari Mettu. This opens at 6am in the morning. As per our hotel person, this route is ‘safer’ and it takes only 2.5 hours. We did not take this one but somehow, most of the people at Tirupathi would tell you to take this one.

And we started our journey from the Alipiri. There was a full crowded market right at the stairway where the steps start. N wanted to climb up without chappal and so she did.

Tips for whoever wants to visit: The Tirumala is on the seven hills. These seven hills are considered religious by the people so mostly people walk barefoot. It is completely alright if you want to wear your shoes/chappal and trek up. You may get a few dirty looks from Aunties and Uncles but you will find many people walking with shoes.

As per the official website and other sites, it is a compulsion for women to wear salwar or saari. And mind you girls, when they say salwar, they want to highlight on the dupatta. Although I did not face any disturbance, but when S visited the same place, she HAD to buy dupatta because she went ahead with Kurti.  No matter how much arguments we have, this one rule is unbendable apparently. The clothes criteria will come only after you reach the Tirumala hills so during the trek, wear whatever you want. The boys can wear whatever they want (I know, unfair).

Make sure you carry enough water or cash or at least your bottles. There would be many many water stations and washrooms and small shops on the way as well. When you start your step, there would be a big fire lamp in the middle, which is for keeping away nazar, do NOT look back at it from the steps (yeah I’m superstitious).

And thus our trek was on. After the initial jing and jang of looking at old sculptures and people and everything else, there were steep and unending stairs straight. Very excitedly I turned back at the 300^th step and made everyone turn back and look at the pretty city lights from up. THAT made N dizzy, she did not tell me, knowing me. A knew, and thus started the rest of the trek where I was wondering why on earth is A not letting N walk for more than 50 steps, on one go. Somewhere around the 700^th step, N’s haal was behaal. A ran to this water stall and call it God’d grace, he got his Rs.500 note exchanged for bottles of water and Glucon-D. This change was all that we had now. Panting and resting every now and then we finally reached the point of the shankha-chakra-tilak on the hill. It was the 2082nd step and we thought woah, here it ends.

It turned out to be the Biometric halt and not even half of what we had to cover. There were 6 kms more to go. This probably  was when I felt for the first time that I would not be able to make it.

Tips for whoever wants to visit: You may not be able to locate the biometric counter, it is to the left, where the amphitheatre (type) ends. This place is a mini-mela and you will find a lot of food options (South-Indian mostly). This is only half of what you’ve climbed but the road ahead would be simpler, but distance would be longer.

For us, there was a little excitement in counting the steps, no matter however steep and rigorous it was. After the biometric, you need to walk straight and then 2 steps, and then straaaaaight and again two steps. So even after walking for 15 minutes, you may end up finding that you have covered only 20 steps. I had a great time scaring N who clearly thought some wild animal will eat us up (remember how the localites warned us about animals on the way?).

Tips for whoever wants to visit: You will find a small deer park on the way, If you are travelling at night, or day for that matter, leave the poor animals alone. Your torch lights and selfie drama clearly makes them VERY uncomfortable. If your find a random animal on the sidewise treeline, do not irritate it or shout. They will not harm you. If anyone tries to scare you about dacoits, don’t panic. Other than small pickpocket incidents, Tirupathi trek is a safe business. There is some temple  on the Jungle pathway and I did not try it. Go at your own risk if you want to.

We also found this animal en route, which someone said was Nilgai. I doubt my animal skills, that too without specs. Since there are seven hills that one has to cross before reaching Tirumala, a point will come where you will actually walk on the same road as the buses. I had this immense wish of stopping a bus and going but then, batmanhood.

This last stretch is about 4km straight and a little steep. I was obviously thinking that at the end of this is our destination. It had become around 5-ish by then and 5 hours we estimated, The Glucon-D had done its wonders to all and I had almost started regretting not having it. At the end of the interconnected hill road, we saw, 600 more steps, steep ones. And suddenly, everyone started to get up on their knees.

I sat down and thought of giving up. N and A forced me Glocon-D sips. 10mins rest, Glucon-D and pep talks later, me and A started trying the knee step stunt and gave up after 10 steps. Somehow we finished the 600 last steps and wohooo, Tirumala ahoy! 6:30am.

Tips for whoever wants to visit: From Tirumala to the temple is a different journey again. Most buses will leave you at Tirumala near the temple. Please ask the local shop people and keep your belongings in the locker room. However they allow wallets so carry money for the hundi if you want to. Only one ID card is enough to get lockers. Once you reach the temple, they will make you take the laddoo token (except for free darshan where they get the token inside the cage), there are three line varieties:

1. For free darshan: You need to follow the queue. On weekends and holidays, do yourself a favour and do not go for free darshan. They will make you walk and walk and walk and wait till you finally reach the cage. However, the cage will be overpopulated and all will sit on the ground and sleep on top of each other while waiting.   

2. For special darshan: You need to pay an amount of Rs.350 per person online and get your special darshan tickets. The queue to the cage will be smaller and the cage will have chairs.

3. For divya darshan: You need to trek till Tirumala and the queue will be smaller than free darshan and longer than special darshan. You will get into the same cage as free darshan.

The cages are numbered from 1-30. I do not know how much of this is true but the free darshan and divya darshan cages open once around 10:45am mostly, so try getting into the cage before this time. Next slot cage opening may take a lot of time. This cage is basically the waiting room where they will serve you breakfast/food/tea/coffee for free. Washroom, fan and drinking water is present throughout. However, people with claustrophobia, try and avoid.

After getting inside the cage number 28 at around 7am, the crowd slowly slowing increased till a point where you will actually sleep on top of random unknown people because you are too tired. We did not even wake up for Pongal or coffee. Around 10:45 the cage opened. People from all the darshan varieties merge at this time and no matter what trick you follow, you will be pushed and pulled.

Tips for whoever wants to visit:  Please don’t push or pull or fight. You will have a LOT of weird, cheap, nice, polite, rude, pokey, loud people around. Bear or not, don’t push or pull. I do not know how much of this is true but Govinda should be seen from toe to head and then you should do your prayers looking at his eyes. You will not get more than 2 seconds before they throw you out (literally) so be quick.

We finally had our darshan at around 12 after a LOT of lines. The 2 seconds seemed surreal. I, of course could not identify Govinda’s eyes and thus, yet again, my wishes went unheard. I was glad at least N and A saw him in the eyes and prayed for whatever they wanted. Next would be first line to some other God place where the Pujari may force you to give money but don’t if you don’t want to. I didn’t. Then would be the Hundi line where the popular belief says, the more you give the more you get. If you know about the Shree Chakra then do that as well. We were almost killed while coming back due to some path blockage.

 Tips for whoever wants to visit: Please do not carry babies. Decide on a common meeting place if you lose each other because 80% people do.

End of gate they give Prasad and after so much, the curd rice that I have forever disliked also seemed exotic. Finally you get you go to the laddoo counter, show your coupon and get the ever so famous Tirupathi laddoos. While coming back we took the bus back to Tirupathi from Tirumala. You can trek back. We reached Tirumala by 4pm and finally found a card accepting restaurant. Yay!

Tips for whoever wants to visit: The people and vendors and everyone can be very very rude. There is very little point in going into an argument but then, if you’re me, you WILL fight. I hope you have someone to peace the situation out.

Coming back was tough. There was Aji who had not slept for more than 40 hours and had to drive, we had trouble walking and he was planning to drive in that. Men are men and thus we started off. My job was to shit talk and keep him awake. It was around 10 in the night when he suddenly stopped the car on the highway footpath and just dozed off, that was when I got scared. After that, and before that, for that matter, I kept on looking at his eyes, red sleepy tired eyes. Phew. The tolls were free again and in that trance, he did not even stop to check. N thought we would die. In my half closed eyes I kept on talking, this time nonsense. At about 1am we reached Marathalli. Finally. And then a lot of drama followed but then what is life without drama.

And to do all of this at the time of no cash, pat pat pat.

So again, as they always said,
Edu Kondala Vada, VenkatRamana, Govinda Goooovinda

That You've Always Been Her Lover

Sail in peace.

For all the ideas, right or wrong, about poetry, love, life, and everything in between.

Lots of love, Sir.

When Your Poem Isn't A Poem

A word,
Few words,
Rambling in motion;
That is when
Your poem isn't a poem.

How you colored your hair blue,
How love abandoned that was true.
The last bus miss,
The upside down kiss,
The drinks unknown,
Moon view from the home.

Random,
Just random.
That is when;
Your poem isn't a poem.
It is THE you.

Whole of, and entirely.
Even,
Without poetry.

- Abhishikta

Phir Se Diwali, Bina Ghar Wali

Back in 2014, I had shared this video because I found it so nice. 2 years later when I watch the same video again, on a lone Tuesday holiday afternoon, it touches me deep inside and chokes me in a way that Shahrukh’s disease revelation scene in Kal Ho Na Ho did.

So Diwali 2016.

I was so sure last year during this time that I would SHOMEHOW move back to Kolkata by the next Diwali and now, here I am, exactly where I was, with zero change in life, except for the addition of a few extra kilos and ice cream!

Why I would remember this Diwali?

Anju suddenly got us hand painted Diya’s after working on it till 1am (consider the fact that she wakes up at 5 every day and travels 2+2 hours daily to work). And without any exaggeration, I accept, this task needs a LOT of patience, when I tried doing the same, I gave up at the first stroke of brush :D

Narmada gave me the happy guilt of choco lava. And that too after lunch, and that too after continuous ice cream dose. I was so happy to see her happiness at the arrival of the sister from Singapore. Home :’)

I was so happy to atleast give Abhimanyu competition in bowling. And to come home in a bullet with the whoooosh of the wind in the chill of Bangalore. Someday I would own one B-)

Ashokji  got us chocolates (and yes, all my friends here are determined to keep the fat in me, on) and crackers. I was glad that like home, there is someone to listen to the silent abdaars. Add this to Karnataka -Tamil Nadu tiff and Ulsoor strike :3

This Diwali was also when I first did my fairylight shopping.  The lights were pretty and over priced (Hello Bangalore) but it certainly made me very happy for some time. I remember not buying the same last year because ki r hobe. So YAY, this time ^_^

KaliThakur was a little too angry I guess because even after pulling Nivedita(Dhanyavaad :D) to the far and only Kali Pujo I could find, I could not see her face and we could not wait because with love, comes certain restrictions sadly. Also Thank God she was there with me for the 4 days when everyone else went home :(

That followed by Subhayan! Oh God he looks likes a ket NRI now and talks with an accent. I was so glad I could make fun of his bidesh  tinted dress wala coat. Subhayan, the sadist in me wants you to watch the video above and cry a little like I did :P

It also was the first time perfect Rangoli with Nishita. Consider the fact that there was unnecessary early morning travelling from part to the other distant part of Bangalore. Thank God EVERYONE went off from Bangalore on Friday night itself and there was ZERO traffic, except for unlucky (broke) people like us. That also meant my plan to skip the all Bongs meet for lunch  that afternoon went down the Hoogly, sorry Kaveri. So it also was the first time we got a cab that looked like biye barir gari  and the mahaan Piyadi got inside with bhaiya kisika shaadi tha? The man gave us very dirty looks and no wonder he refused the final U turn to the destination :D

That and Aye Dil Hai Mushkil. I would do a review soon but Urdu is so damn sexy. Mujhse Pehli SI Mohabbat Mere Mehboob Na Maang. Uff! And cracker buying where a chhoto tarabati  is 100 bucks (Hello Bangalore). My favorite part of the weekend was probably when at 10:30 in the night, this nice autowala agreed to take us (4 people and a cake and crackers and food packets) for just a distance of 5 minutes. I was in charge of paying and coming inside so I wished him Happy Diwali while he was going. He stopped his auto and said “Happy Diwali Madam, Very Happy Diwali Madam, Bohot achha laga sun k, Happy Diwali Madam’. And he left. I was so happy. Genuine happy wishes and for what. Sweet :’)

The night that followed I remember vague. Piyadi and I as usual wasted a lot in our experiments and Arjoda was thanked immensely. So Diwali was not that bad you see. Much better than the last year and the coming year. However, certain things that you keep seeing and hearing from here and there would definitely hurt you but bleh.

Also, LOOK how pretty my house looked this Diwali, like every Diwali *_*

कितनी दफा सुबह को मेरी तेरे आँगन में बैठे मैंने शाम किया

महफ़िल में तेरी
हम न रहे जो
गम तो नहीं है
गम तो नहीं है

किस्से हमारे
नज़दीकियों के
कम तो नहीं हैं
कम तो नहीं हैं

A Tub Full Of Chocolate Ice Cream

‘Beauty, truth,’ says one, ‘is all that you need to know in life’.

All is flux,’ the enlightened one says, ‘for everything shall one day die’.

To deep? After about 4-4.5 years, I was again discussing on a topic I had once fallen in love with, discussing, on one such evening on the last seat of a bus that travelled all through the city before it would reach home. Of wanting without thinking.

Like how I was telling N today, we have probably come to that age or mental makeup where we want things after calculating the percentages of achievability. Ever wondered why do not ‘want’ to be Panipuriwala, or ‘want’ to get the Nobel Prize, or ‘want’ to act beside Richard Gere anymore?

I once told someone that to ‘want’ to be something or someone, we might not need a guarantee card then, I was telling someone that to ‘want’ to do certain things in life, we might not need a feasibility card now.

I agree that I considered myself dead over the last two years but discussing the wants of people in the last two days made me realize that most of us are. Some just don’t know it yet. Minus the you who has all that it ever ‘wanted’. For the rest, you are not welcome to the gang. Go out and ‘want’ things beyond reach.

So what is it that you actually want? THINK.

P.S. Blue hair, check.

Out of Context one liner: NEVER join IT unless VERY sure. Okay? Now get back to thinking.

Chhoto Golpo

"Tahole chhoto golpo'r byakkha ta dao dekhi k parbe" an apparently angry Ujjal Sir said during the first post Pujo class. I had remembered the question because Purba miss back in school had asked the same and had said something... some dariburo something. Something...

Titirsha being the pro that she is recited something, the excited Ujjal Sir said a "bah" and little did I understand. Then the notes happened, growing up happened and today, almost at the verge of leaving the home again, more unsure than ever, I know what the chhoto golpos are, and the great Rabindranath, how would I ever forgive you for the ice knives that such stories are.

ছোট প্রাণ ছোট কথা
ছোট ছোট দু:খ কথা
নিতান্তই শহজ শরল
শহস্র বিস্ত্রিতি রাশি
প্রত্তহ জেতেছহে ভাশি
তারি দু চারিটি আশ্রু জল
নাহি বর্ণনার ছটা
ঘটনার ঘনঘটা 
নাহি তত্থ নাহি উপদেশ
অন্তরে অত্রিপ্তি রবে
সাংগ করি মনে হবে
শেষ  হয়েও হইলনা শেষ 

P.S. Pardon the spellings as always. Read Mohesh and reread what Dariburo says. And Ze Shohor. Oh!

Hothat Dekha

Good Old S31

Yes the lights are still dim, yes the seats are still as norbore as ever but dear old S31.
From my reunion with Bangla rock, courtesy Sir'r one headed headphones and Neel Rong Chhilo Bhishon Priyo to the utter useless attempts to attend the first morning class. S31 has always been there. I remember last time going to collect the degree on S31 with Subhayan who will nod and smile at this. Almost two years later, got a chance to be inside the heavenly Murir Tin again.

How Sir would always wait at the 8b subway every damn morning and I would always be late to catch this bus. Sir never complained. I was late everyday and Sir waited everyday and never complained. Tolerance goals?

That! And then we always had S31.
The first late (by college standards) fest attending to Pocha'a extended 'Bhool Ja' listening, to little romancing here and there to what not. My dear old S31. I really felt old today. And the bus. Oh :")

S31 এর লাস্ট সিট
বন্ধুত্তে লাভ
প্রেমে মিস

Well, that's a story for some other day. Anyway ^_^

P.S. Shubho Bijoya 

Pujo Mane...

There was this video with the tagline, 'Pujo Mane' and I was just thinking, Pujo really is what you make of it.

Pujo Mane...
That blue of the sky, the selfie after a college class bunk beside the 'kaash ful', vacation for some, homecoming for few. Food ecstasy, harmony to the heart, wishing just wishing, Maa this time, listen to my prayers. Pujo really is what you make of it; a self pity period when you ping and pang about tickets overpriced, the safe landing when you finally see city after prolonged, multi stop cheap flight. And more, so much more.

 'Dhaaker awaj', 'Ashtami'r onjoli', 'thakur ante jawa', 'bijoya'r kolakuli'.
The rehearsals for the 'para'r natok', the final 'chanda' collection, the planned meet with the beloved, the dance of the 'bhashan'.
The 'adda-s' overnight, the ex out of sight, the 'dhunuchi', aroti, the bright shining lights.
School group meetups, college group goof ups, the kartiks of the crowd, the announcements so loud.

Hello Mahalaya. Almost.
^_^

The listener to your tales,

The old tales,

Which you repeated on happy days, and sad.

Which every time had to be heard like it is unknown, unheard,

Brand new and fine.

So how is it to find?

The new listener to your tales,

The old tales,

Which now actually are unknown, unheard,

To the beauty who is pride,

On whom, you actually could never resign.

-Abhishikta 

Fingers Crossed. Please!

Mon Kharaper Haiku

Counting still, the old

Depression, desperation;

One year and eight months.

Happy Teacher's Day, Life

Happy Teachers' Day, Life
Yes ladies and non-gentlemen, that is how we close the hard day, with Smita quoting that.

With one set of men leaving and the second set of men following the first. The third set of men obsessing, who once belonged the first set. The fourth set of pseudo first set, lecturing. How it is the same charity tale everywhere, how it is the same hope clinging everywhere, till everything is void.

A cold heart and colder Bangalore is here to witness it all and sigh, just sigh. This too shall pass, someday. Till then, 'chin up, and you'll drown a little slower'.

আজ ও কিন্তু আমার কোলে,
বিকেল হাওয়ায় প্রেম নাচে ।
আজ ও কিন্তু আমার গানে ,
বাউল-রক একতারে বাজে ।

    কিসের খোঁজে ফেলে গেলি ?

    যশ? খ্যাতি?  সুন্দরতা? নাম? 

    ভাবলি আমার কাছে থেকে 

    দুনিয়া দেবেনা তোর প্রাপ্য দাম?  

তবে কি তুই সুখে আছিস?
নেশায়, ঘুমে যে আজ বাঁচিস ।
আজ ও কিন্তু আমার রবিবার,
ভাত-ঘুম আর লুচি জলখাবার ।

    আমার কথা মনে পরে রে?

    সকাল? সন্ধে? দিবা, আট প্রহর?

    তোকে ভালোবেসে, আজ ও চিঠি ভেজে, 

    ইতি,

    তোর প্রথম শহর । 

Row Row Row and Drown

Happy Birthday :')

जहाँ  तेरी एड़ी से धूप उड़ा करती थी 
सुना है उस चौखट पे अब शाम रहा करती है 

So Grow Up A Little More Because, No Choice

St. John's Church mass and this lady on wheelchair still waving at the Tamil hallelujah, like the many others, waving in faith. They teach you of faith and growing up.l

Agara lake side and two parallel roads, lit by the distant Bangalore weekend steady lights. They teach you of beauty of solitude  and growing up.

B shedding a tear and you think how unnecessary all the other tears had always been, until today, until this moment. They teach you of loss and growing up.

Dim lights at the cheesy Hindi movie where you know for a fact that all that they show is not false, even though maybe not true for you. They teach you of chinning up and growing up.

Weekend plans cancelling voluntarily just to be with people who won't be there in your life in the next year maybe, but today they need you like never  before. They teach you of compromises and growing up.

Sleepless nights of anxiety but a gameshow of sugar spice and everything nice, because that's how we drown a little slower. They teach you of prayers and growing up.

The pinky flashbacks that you know was a charity case; not everyone gets everything in life . They teach you of death and growing up.

VERY Homesick :/

Woke up today with a post on Kolkata saying ‘Why are Bengalis so proud of Kolkata?’ on Quora. Quite a well written article which ended on the Durga Puja tangent, my recent topic of utmost stress. To go or not to go, and how, for that matter. That probably is a topic for some other day. So I was wailing and complaining when Subhayan deviated me to the 9^th August reminder.

So HELLO ladies and gentlemen, today is 9^th of August 2016. Exactly six (yes, SIX) years ago Pailan happened today. Giving-s and takings-s, healing-s and hurting-s apart, those really were amazing four years of college for me.  

So yeah, that is all the acknowledgement bit that I wanted to do for today.

Also this photo which I found, made me teary eyed. Those days of confidence and unadulterated happiness

Tumi Onno Karor Chhonde Bedho Gaan

Praktan, a musical experience, a lyrical excellence.

No, the acting is nothing great and the story is definitely not something that you cannot guess. Sitting miles away from hometown I was craving to watch this movie, specifically for its title (yes, there is quite a lot of Dukkhobilashita in me still) and so I did, at the good old City of Joy.

The movie left me with a lot of questions and no, not because the feminist in me wanted to shout out to Ujaan saying he was wrong, very very wrong. Sujoy justified saying that we learn from the mistakes of our first broken relationship to rectify (read change) ourselves, that is probably why we give all that we have, and maybe more, to the next person, and end up becoming the ‘perfect Aww couple’. Well then yes, maybe. Atleast my experiences tell me that most of what the movie showed is true. Sadly.

I am sure someone somewhere is clicking selfies these days with the significantly better, half, I am sure someone somewhere has started to want to live at Kolkata forever, I am sure someone somewhere is not ashamed to ‘mix two groups’ anymore, I am sure someone somewhere is doing all that it claimed to dislike once. And why? Because love? Because the present is better than the happily kicked Praktan? Maybe.

However, I did not think Sudipa’s character was completely right, neither could I relate to her. But yes, that one Birthday scene in the train flashed in 2014 when there was a lot of crying over the phone because, birthdays at the receiving end of someone’s frustration is not quite the best that one can have, and April 2016, when people flew because hey, some people (apparently better ones) always get to have the best birthdays (touchwood) :)

Hothat Dekha recitation moved me completely. How the feelings are every time at the airport, EVERY DAMN TIME. And the last Bhalo Theko note was pure sadism. It is like killing a person and then praying for their health. I think I took the movie too personally, I think I need to grow up. Is being somebody’s Praktan really a pain after all? I wonder. I was a little too disappointed to see the new husband (told you about my Dukkhobilashita remember?), but yeah, maybe that is how life is.

And as the song kept on saying,

Tumi Onno Karor Shonge Bedho Ghor
Not that there a choice anyway. Anyway

Last Night Cranky

I'm sure we've all had our shares of waiting. For food, online delivery, holidays, Durga Puja, salary, people, job, time, luck, love.
 The waiting time and pain is always a relative issue. I probably had to do the longest wait of my life (in my mind) at EEDF today. Suddenly I started to question all the previous prayers that I had forever been doing, for that one person, for that one promotion, for that one onsite, and why? I wish I had prayed for the health instead.

Titoo kept on saying it's all because of the stress so shift back (and then do what? Sell Aquaguards maybe. No moral policing please). The Pune gang kept on laughing at my not being desirable enough anymore and how I'll always have my market :D
Amidst all of these, the wait. I have forever hated hospitals. The smell of it makes me sick. Today when I looked around and found Maa beside me, waiting with me, for me, it was one of those scary moments when you don't know how would you ever survive days like these alone in future.

So that's that ladies and gentlemen, that's how I wasted the final day before leaving Kolkata (and I don't have the luxury to be home easily). I apologize to all the gods and goddesses for swearing at the Doctors for whichever reason(s). They indeed deserve to be chosen, for all the reasons that you can think of. And today, I agreed on the point.
Rest, JGD.

No point in doing the why-me jazz. Even with million pounds now, I shall survive :)
Kolkata, I'll miss you immensely like I always do
<3 p="">That's all.

Have you ever noticed how
In
The list, that you left incomplete,
The new, where, I cannot compete;

The 8B Montauk,
The Denzong momo stock,
The Maidan greenery,
The Phari eatery,
The Pizza-s veg,
The Subs non-veg,
The AC Volvo bus,
The 3am ice cream fuss,
The SCM ground floor,
The Ruby Gateway more,
…,
…,

Even though has so much of you,
Had a little of me.
And maybe,
Still has,
All of me.

-Abhishikta

Pune Peeps

Well, this has been a long overdue. The way we have been planning for it, when I say we, I mean more of them and little of me. Pune felt like home where Diptarka wakes you up, Raja does not let you do the dishes, Isita treats you daaaays after the actual birthday, Anuradha arranges for ONE KILOGRAM Biryani and Barua gets you Scooty rides and even lets you drive it (till you eventually turn it upside down on the main road). Also, NOW the Ankitas are pissed because their names have not been mentioned (YES) :D

This trip showed me the amazing Mumbai-Pune highway where the first few kilometers from Pune is like a movie. Strangely, I did not like Mumbai. Sure it is a city with a lot of people and old buildings, Colaba felt like the Barabazar side and apparently people live a life of their own without interfering in your lives, unlike our dear old hometowns but then, there is this strange rush that I felt. I remember wanting to spend a year (each) of my life in Delhi and Mumbai but then, now I know I won’t enjoy the Mumbai bit as much as I thought I would. Guha had been praising the city and Chowdhury never liked it so I HAD to go see. Also, I had to check the Marine Drive point off the wishlist one, and two, I have been wanting to sing “Yeh raatein yeh mausam” beside the Mumbai sea for a very long time.  I was touched the way the Pune Peeps planned for Mumbai just because I wanted, on a very rainy day when eventually the Pune-Mumbai highway was sealed. Good that I got to see the ever so famous and filmy Mumbai rains as well. And it is, OVERRATED, except for the sea sides which become heavenly. The heaven was a little too much for Guha who felt down by the brush of the high tide waves right in front of Taj, on the road and injured herself badly.  Jittering down the Marine semicircle in the rain is quite a life moment. Marine Drive, check. Special Dhanyavaad to Chowdhury and Guha here, I would not mention why but all my love  ^_^

Talking back about Pune, I realized how overrated and overpriced Bangalore is. I remember this bus bhaiya telling me that from the main Pune bus junction to my stop, the time span would depend on “traffic” and coming from Bangalore, anything kept on traffic front for me is somewhere between 1.5-2 hours. So I slept off and almost missed my stop which came in 15 minutes, yeah, traffic. Pune also got me a big happy pub night with Chintudada and a long Bullet ride of course. His new take on life actually made me realize how much the world has moved forward and I am somewhere lagging behind, my horrible pretentiousness apart. It was so nice to have somebody high to drop the high you home without trying to hit on you. These are the moments when I start to question my decision of living alone always. Pune also gave the assurance that even my wishes and demands deserve to be acknowledged by people, even if it is as small as Poach and Maggi or as big as, (maybe not) :)

What would I ever do without you people :)

Eid Mubaraq

Eid this year has been special, my first ever Roza wali Eid. Now for all those who don't know, fasting is not much of a big deal for me but skipping water is quite an impossibility. So this time, I did my three Roza-s, the way they should be done,  and for probably the first time in my life, I did something dedicated to the Gods without a million demands in return :)

I was extremely touched when I found a gift wrapped with a note saying "Aapki Eidi Memsaab" at my desk. I had just finished my lunch with a million bullet questions from Abhimanyu on my sudden stressed face (aisi kyu lag rhi ho) and yes, I was (read am) extremely stressed with the game of IT. I hope someday you get to experience the feeling of love and remembrance in an environment where you know 99% people are better than you, better established than you, and, hate you. Just that I've become too much of a stone to cry (even happy tears) these days but yes, I'm going to treasure the memory of this day forever, and hence the post of course. Narmada and Anju had been their sweetest best in remembering my "Eidi demands". Dippy eyed I became, totally.

This of course was followed by forbidden chocolates that we got from Denmark and the food at mosque road which would spoil you during Ramzaan. It indeed was a Mubaraq Eid for me this time. Little mercies truly. Cannot wait for Ulto Roth and homecoming now, before the horrible August comes to tear me apart again.

Eid Mubaraq everyone :)

Om Namah Shivaya.

While getting the water quota before the 'party', the site of the roadside covered balcony and the hoarding on road that says 'Hyderabad' and an up arrow, made me remember a similar night when Megha stayed up the entire night, looking at the same hoarding at the same spot.

Who said it once that the givings and takings of love are too beautiful to be evil? He was so bloody right.  

As for Megha, I hope she finds her peace wherever she is. To life, AMEN.

If he was fire Oh then, she must be wood

The One That Got Away

Ignorance is Bliss

Pass.
Megha hurriedly exclaimed and called the best friends to know about their first Semester engineering results. The best friend had flunked Physics. Shit. The close friend also flunked Physics. The neighbor flunked Physics. HolyShit. Anyway now she HAD to know Abhishek’s result, the guy who took her heart away. Way out? Facebook!
Yes he’s online, YES he’s online.
Megha was happy and she asked him ‘Kemon holo?’
A very wannabe-cool Abhishek replied ‘Dunno, ignorance is bliss’
Now, Megha was his young little girl, straight out of school and all the shin and shine of ‘coolness’ blew her mind. She kept on thinking of Abhishek the entire night. How cool he is who did not even check his result even though he knew 80% people flunked in Physics and her? She did all the superstitious nonsense that she could, to pass.
In movies they show right? One definite moment when the crush becomes the love and violins will play and butterflies will fly around? It was somewhat that for Megha.

While climbing down the stairs and telling Narmada about the late night Conjuring experience (Late night, check, but then, THIS movie, anyway) the topic of something demonic came up and she said ‘Shhh shhh, ignorance is bliss’.
Thus I went back to the Megha and Abhishek tales from my college days. Megha, who died a sad death later and Abhishek, who, touchwood is going to live happily ever after. Let’s not get into how and what happened, but have you ever acknowledged how one small incident in life can remind you of people and things so randomly.
You didn’t know the story right? Or you be the forgetful blessed category? Oh nah, today and forever, for everybody’s sanity,
Ignorance is bliss

Aaj Kuch Toofani Karte Hain

Okay yeah, a very very hyped up and pumped up title for this level trek but trust me, it’s something I am going to remember for a very long time.

As briefed, we started off for Anthergange at 10pm. Ria somewhere announced while the traveler started to cross the Silkboard Signal that ‘Hey guys, amra by the way Kuntibetta jachhi’ and we, as nice friends were still fine, as long as we still have the night trek swag. Food and some more food rounds later, at around 12:30, we still found ourselves at the Banshakri empty crossing. Why? Because Ria cannot be stern to anybody but me. Yeah! Let’s not get into this.

I was a little skeptic the moment our driver said that we won’t take the Kanakpura road because I was sure we would cross Guruji’s ashram on the right. Ajay kept on telling me I have trust issues. However, past Mysore road, past Rasta café, past Sholay hills of Ramnagara, we found ourselves at the Sula Vineyards. Now, I remember eating away Ankita’s head to come with m to the Nasik Sula Vineyards but then, when you find yourself on such a pitch dark night in the middle of the vineyard, it can be a little scary. However, the 9 of us got down for briefing and tea (chips and extra fat for me). Last time washroom scene and final 20kilometers later, we reached our base destination. For all those who actually read and remembered, no we did not reach Kuntibetta, we reached Narayangiri instead. And yes, Ria booked treks randomly, after shots, and, has no idea :D

Next was about 1.5 hours trek, with a backpack, a sleeping bag, shared torch and danda! Bangalore has been finally seeing a lot of rain lately and hence, rocks were slippery and rock gaps were muddy. I remembered Maa who told me one million times to buy trek shoes that morning  and I was too paka and went on with the converse. Mothers, how they always are right. However, I was tired within the first 10 minutes. It was very very sweet of Ajay to go I front and then come back after every couple of minutes to make sure everyone was in line. Last 30 minutes, although looked the easiest, was a little tough, for the rocks were slippery and there was no place for the grip of the danda. Also, the water on the rocks and my converse were not the best of friends. Add this to low placed and semi circular one sided railings to half formed steps at night, it was more dangerous than what it sounds. I stopped to look at the distant Ramnagara village’s few white lights. Nishita kept on telling me not to stop but I could not take my eyes off the view behind. Not even the Kolkata aerial view at night looked that perfect.

Panting and tired, we reached the hill top. There was bonfire and few other groups. No, we could not check the boys, or the girls for that matter since we were freezing already. Our little stunt of carrying on, on one corner of the hill top was flop and soon, we were all inside the sleeping bags, under the stars. I remember sleeping under the stars on a khatiya  at Dongargarh when I was a kid but that was nothing compared to this. Somebody said it was like a proper ZNMD moment but not just because I hate Katrina, it WAS a much better experience than what they showed or tried showing in the movie. I was at absolute peace when there was music from JBL, silence otherwise and a millions stars up above the world so high.

We of course missed the sunrise, woke up with clouds and fog all around because it was time for descent. Going down was more difficult because now, in light, we knew how narrow or steep the way was. Maybe I’m not fit for this but my legs shook the moment I stopped walking. And yes of course, in the last and final jump from the last rock to plain land, I tripped and fell with a knee bruise to remember the trek :)

After breakfast, these website people upgraded us to a free Kayaking at Manchanbele (okay so Ria is not that high and lost after all). Yay Yay Yay. This followed by a jump to the river. Yes it was deep and yes I had life jacket. Also, yes, I jumped various times in the wrong technique. Body pain? Leg pain? Arm pain? Yes, all of those followed from Monday morning after the night sleep and I had trouble taking a simple step. But those of course came later, I had just made great memories and checked a few items from the wishlist.

Night under stars. Check.
Jump in the river. Check.
And,
Oh did I miss writing about this meeting with a snake during the night trek? Ha Ha Ha.

:)

2 Years! Woah

As Blue As It Had Been In My Dreams

And if you have one last chance of learning something from somebody’s mistake, learn from mine and NEVER ever visit Kanyakumari in summer.
It’s a nice place otherwise if you are travelling with family but if you are a group of friends, not quite the ideal place.

The water here is Blue and you have to see it to believe that I have not exaggerated at all. Do not even plan to stay anywhere that does not have AC if you are travelling at any point of the year except for winters. The local Auto-walas and Cab-walas could trick you a little here so brush up your bargaining skills before talking to them, unless you are exceptionally ready to spend unnecessarily.

There are two basic “touristy things” that you can do here, one is to visit the Vivekanada Memorial and the other is to watch the sunrise/set or both. My friends and I as Bengali-s were extremely happy to find a large stretch of Bengali food joints and people speaking Bengali, and Tamil of course. The Vivekanada Memorial is exactly how you have seen it in the post cards and Google images and yes, without any tinge of editing the water surrounding it looks that blue.

The Vivekananda Rock is situated mid water. The line for the water taxi that takes you to and from this place could be long so plan our time properly. Do not be as foolish as us and always carry/wear socks when you visit here because the Vivekananda Rock is expected to be explored bare foot and God Bless your bare feet in the heat that the rock absorbs and gives out eventually. No foot spa and pedicure will bring back the old state of the feet later, I warn thee :P
There is a very peaceful and beautiful meditation hall inside and if the loud tourists cooperate, you can actually find a little peace within very short span of time in the meditation hall.

If you can wake up early, you must not miss the sunrise. Most of the hotels would have a sea facing balcony/terrace and you need not travel too far to enjoy the beautiful sunrise. We missed the sunset by 3 minutes after getting misguided by a local cab driver regarding the sunset point, anyway, the ambience and breeze right after the sunset was beautiful enough. So another lesson from our mistake, plan your time and do not miss the sunset. We also rode this super slow road trams (I do not know the proper name ;) ).

Since we had half a day more to explore, we also visited a few temples, attended Sunday service at a local church and finally visited an old fort surrounded by water on three sides. It was amazing to see how nicely it is maintained still. Too much of coconut water for hydration and last minute beachside shopping ended out trip. There is nothing great about Kanyakumari but then, you can always travel here once, for the blue sea and beautiful sunrise and/or sunset at least :)

Six Months Later

…while I was waiting an endless wait on one such Friday night and people casually left because they forgot, I waited till there was no hope left in the office and no food in the locality but EcoSpace looked just so pretty.

Six months later,

Not half as happy or excited as I thought I would be but yeah, some ego boost there.
JGD :)

And now I know why Angana was sulking about waiting for the important ‘firsts’ for soooo long that it does not matter as much as it should have.
Anyway, EcoSpace on Friday nights continue to look its prettiest best.

Hence :)